Do you really believe that it’s that easy?
What do you mean by “just leave him”? Like I didn’t try that already.
Like I didn’t go through those pros and cons of our relationship more times than I can count.
“Just leave him”? When people don’t know what to tell someone, this is the first thing they come up with.
They think that leaving is like the holy grail of solutions. You leave and your life automatically becomes better than it’s ever been before.
I would call you out on this nonsense, but I was one of you, too.
My friends would complain to me about the guys they were seeing or were dating for years, and my mind couldn’t comprehend why they were still with them.
Those men were disrespectful, selfish, and borderline toxic. So why was it so hard for them to leave?
It got me frustrated to the point where I would even ask them to stop asking for my advice if they weren’t going to listen to me.
It’s funny how God sends you someone to teach you a lesson when you least expect it.
After years of thinking that everyone is replaceable and I would never be stuck in a toxic and loveless relationship, he came into my life.
He knew all the right things to say and do. After every fight we’d have, he’d come over to my place and beg me to forgive him.
I saw the way his eyes would sparkle when he’d talk and I couldn’t help but smile at him.
This man was the epitome of everything that I wanted for so long. Until he wasn’t anymore.
The line between love and addiction was so blurred that at one point I couldn’t tell the two apart.
He made me feel wanted and needed.
He made me feel like I wasn’t replaceable because whenever he’d leave, he’d come back telling me that no one could ever love him the way I did.
At the beginning of the relationship, my friends would smile with me whenever I would tell them about him.
Then a few months into the relationship, my smile would drop at the mention of him and I would just feel my chest constrict.
Is love really meant to hurt this bad? Are we meant to love and lose the same person?
I didn’t know it at the time, but I was reliving everything my friends went through in their previous relationships. And more.
The first time I told my friends about our issues, they said that relationships shouldn’t make me feel like that.
What did they mean? Shouldn’t the love I felt for him be enough to change him?
Wouldn’t fighting for what I believed in be enough to show him that I am more than just a toy he can play with?
Wasn’t love supposed to be easy?
They said I should leave him if I’m not happy with him. Leave him? Like it’s the easiest thing a person in love can do.
So my heart shattered at the thought.
And I remembered all those times I told my friends to leave their abusive and toxic boyfriends.
I didn’t understand why they couldn’t, but now I see it as clear as day.
The idea of him was enough to keep him on my toes and wait for him to come back into my arms.
Whenever I flung insults at him, I hoped that he would see right through me and stay.
I hated that they were right and somewhere deep down I knew that I should leave him, that there is someone better out there for me.
I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.
All those memories I had of us, the flashbacks I’d get when I thought about walking away, and the pain that crept up on me were just too much.
“You’ll get over it! You will cry for a few days and you’ll be fine!”
That didn’t console me one bit. What do you mean it’s okay that it’ll hurt and that it’s fine that I’ll be crying my eyes out?
No. I don’t want that. I don’t want to lose him, I don’t want a life without him.
That’s all I felt at the thought of walking away from him. Holy mother of Christ, don’t make me leave him.
The sheer panic at the thought that I should live without him was unbearable.
There is other advice you can give your friends when they are stuck in a relationship like this.
The best thing you can do is to lead them to come to the solution themselves.
Ask them questions: Do you really believe that you deserve to be treated like that? Don’t you think that there is someone out there who is more deserving of your love?
Do you believe that you’ll be alone for the rest of your life just because you won’t have him?
Tell them that there is someone who will love them unconditionally.
Tell your friends that you will be there for them every step of the way and they won’t be alone.
Don’t let them believe that loving him is the only way they will ever feel needed.
Maybe one day I will start believing in these words as well. I don’t know if it’s going to be today or tomorrow, I just hope that it’s going to be soon.
Because love shouldn’t hurt like this. Love shouldn’t make me question everything that I’ve ever believed in.
You and I are deserving of true and unconditional love.
Even if “just leave him” isn’t the best advice out there, we still know that it’s the first step to a better and more fulfilling life.