Trust me when I say this: Just because I want you in my life, it doesn’t mean I need you to the point where I can’t breathe without you.
Don’t expect that from me.
When I fall in love, I dedicate my whole self to that person. I give you my time and direct all my effort toward you.
When I fall in love, I fight to show you how much you mean to me. I set you up on a throne and do my best to make you feel that you’re the only man I want.
It’s because I love fully and without limitations. When I set my eyes on you, be sure that no one else will get my attention – you’ll be the only man I look at.
But, I’ve realized that guys in the past used this against me.
There was this one who broke my heart in a special way. To be honest, at first, I thought I’d never be able to get over him.
He started thinking that he could treat me however he wanted and that I’d forgive him for anything he did. He believed I’d give him second and third chances. And he did it all only because I showed him how much I care about those I want to have in my life.
So, instead of appreciating my efforts and giving me the same in return, he decided to play with my feelings. He thought that I would actually let him do that.
“If she wants me, she’ll forgive me for anything I do” – I guess he convinced himself. And so I started feeling the consequences.
He made me fall in love with him in a way I’d never fallen before. But, he ghosted me the second someone better walked in his life.
He ignored my presence completely and then once he got bored of other girls, he tried to walk back into my life thinking I’d welcome him with open arms.
He played hot-and-cold with my feelings because he wasn’t sure what he wanted from me. To stay or to go was a constant dilemma he faced.
And he thought that he’d have all the time in the world to answer that question because he reckoned I’d wait for him, hang around forever for him.
Just because I wanted him, he assumed that I needed him and would do whatever it took to have him in my life.
But boy, how wrong he was.
After giving him enough time to sort his feelings and realize what he actually wanted from me, I decided it was time to let go of him.
I couldn’t be that girl who waits forever for a guy to make up his mind, because the world is filled with people who’d never second-guess me. There are plenty of people out there who’d choose me first, no matter what.
He was special, I have to admit that, but my sanity and peace of mind mean more to me that he ever could.
If he wanted to play games with me, then I’d be the one who held the cards.
I let him know I couldn’t do this anymore and that we were over. At first, he thought that I was manipulating him, making him choose me.
But at that moment, I crossed him out and closed the door for him. He was no longer a part of my life and I made sure he knew it.
After him came many other guys, and I let each and every one of them know that I’m not here to be played with. My feelings aren’t toys and I won’t let people treat me in ways I don’t deserve.
You either want me or you don’t. There’s no in-between.
And even if I fall for you and realize that I want to have you by my side, the minute you show me your feelings are uncertain, I’m out.
Because no matter how hard I fall for you, it won’t ever mean that I need you in my life and that would do whatever it takes not to lose you.
The only person I can’t live without is me.
Every other person will come and go. They’ll bring something with them and take some pieces away. They will shape me to become the person I’m destined to be.
But I’ll always have myself and no one can take that away from me.
No matter how much you mean to me, if you show me that you won’t prioritize me and chose me first the way I’ve chosen you, there’s nothing further to talk about.
One day, I might fall in love with someone. I might be willing to give him my whole self. But if I see that he’s taking me for granted and treating me like an option, I won’t bother to stay.
I could love you unconditionally, but if you’re not willing to love me the same way, then there’s nothing to hold onto.
That’s my rule, the only one I follow.
I know that there were times I’d cry myself to sleep because I’d walked away from a guy who I loved dearly. But the sadness passes and what comes thereafter is the realization that I did a good thing for myself.
I saved myself the pain that I’d have inevitably felt some time later.
Because if he’s not convinced that I’m the one for him the moment he walks into my life, if he doesn’t appreciate all of the efforts I make for him, then he doesn’t deserve me.
So, to the next guy who walks into my life, please know one thing. Just because I want you, it doesn’t mean that I need you. It doesn’t mean that I’ll walk over myself just because I like you.
I appreciate myself enough to know what I deserve.
So, when I make effort for you and show you that I like you, you either do the same or I’m out. I’m done playing games.
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