I never thought that anything could beat me down. I’ve always considered myself to be a strong and independent woman who doesn’t need anyone else in her life. I never allowed anything or anyone to have a huge impact on me.
And ever since I was a little kid, my parents told me that I’d be a strong and fierce woman. Many people admired me for this quality.
I never really understood how people could be so sensitive and give their hearts to someone else. But that was only until I became the same as them.
Until a man who seemed too good to be true entered my life and broke me completely. Broke my heart and everything that I believed was true about myself.
You have to understand that a broken heart doesn’t happen overnight. It’s not something that can occur in a day or two. Oh, no, this guy took his time to patiently broke me piece by piece until he’d defeat me entirely. And the worst thing is, he succeeded.
But he didn’t just break my heart. I couldn’t recognize myself after what he’s done to me. All of my insecurities rose to the surface, and I became a vulnerable, little girl.
I lost my will to live and he changed the person I used to be. I lost all respect that I had for myself and he tore down all of my hopes.
But that’s not the worst thing.
The thing is, I knew what he was doing to me. I was completely aware of the fact that he was destroying me piece by piece and I realized everything even better when he finally decided to leave me for good.
And that epiphany – or rather realization – that I had given someone that much power over me was the most hurtful thing I’ve ever experienced in my life.
I never believed that someone could manage to get under my skin, but he was the one to do it. And as if that wasn’t enough, he successfully got into my head as well.
He never deserved to have me, but I decided to give a chance to that particular man. The man who’d prove to be my downfall and change the very essence of who I am.
But it was all my fault for letting him do that to me. I was the one who let it happen.
Truthfully, I’ve blamed myself for being too weak and naïve for a long time. I allowed this man to break me and it was entirely my mistake.
This simply wasn’t me. I wasn’t the strong woman I thought I was and I wasn’t thinking straight at the time. I allowed him to manipulate me and emotionally abuse me to the point where I became depressed and insecure about myself.
But you know what people say: Time heals wounds, right? And with time, my love for this awful man slowly faded away.
The pain I was experiencing for all the bad things he had done to me was starting to go away. The memories became distant and I started picking myself up piece by piece.
My broken heart and soul were starting to heal.
But there’s one thing that kept me from healing completely. Even though a lot of time has passed, I could never accept the fact that someone accomplished to break me.
And knowing that some man had that much power over me is something that still haunts me to this day.
I allowed my past to completely define me and my self-esteem was completely crushed. I thought that every man was like him and that every other guy would treat me the way he did.
I’ve lost that strength I had when I was a kid, and started to believe that I’m not strong enough to defend my heart.
It suddenly dawned on me that being a bit broken is part of who I am now. I couldn’t escape the truth even if I wanted to. Being hurt and broken has only taught me how to survive all the pain and rise from the ashes.
And I’ve changed over the years. I’ve been torn apart and although those scars will heal, they’ll never fully disappear. The marks are there now – they’re a part of me.
I’m not saying that my past should define me in any sense. Instead, I’ve learned to embrace it as it’s shaped me to become who I am today.
I needed to accept that the things I went through and my broken heart were now a part of me.
And I finally did.
Being broken by a man into a million pieces doesn’t mean you’re weak or incapable of experiencing true love. It only means that you haven’t found the right one yet and that your big heart loved the wrong person.
I’ll never try to erase my past as if none of this ever happened because you can’t do that. My heart won’t heal if I try to run away from all the pain because that would mean I can’t face my demons and they’ll only come back to haunt me.
Instead, I’ll be strong enough to let go of what happened and accept the fact that I’ll never be the person I used to be.
Being a bit broken is part of who I am now.