Love can be quite complicated, especially marriage. One second everything is awesome – you feel great during the honeymoon phase and you get all giddy every time you see your husband. Then before you know it, you find yourself asking, “Is my marriage worth saving?”
It can be really frightening to know you and your husband have taken a lifetime vow and then suddenly you feel disconnected. Questioning whether your marriage is worth saving can certainly make you lose faith in what love is and what marriage stands for.
But some signs can help you determine whether or not your marriage is indeed worth saving.
Questioning your marriage and how much it’s worth can happen at any point in time and for several reasons.
The number one thing that pops into mind when someone says they’re considering getting a divorce is because they were cheated on. If one spouse gets cheated on, then they start to question staying in such a marriage and think about moving on.
Their faith in love disappears and they may believe that there’s no such thing as true love.
Also, there are couples who say that they’re in an unhappy marriage despite having been married for decades. They raised their children and worked 9-to-5 jobs only to reach their long-awaited retirement. The sudden pause of life catches them by surprise and they start wondering if their marriage is worth saving.
Is my marriage worth saving?
Asking this question doesn’t automatically mean that you’re going to divorce your husband. It actually has to do with the value your marriage has and if it’s worth holding onto.
Many people are afraid to dig deep to find out the answer since it might lead them to finding an uncomfortable truth.
I understand that you feel uneasy thinking about divorcing your husband since your marriage is on the rocks now.
You have to be aware of the fact that no one’s marriage is perfect. Trust me, everyone has their own set of problems and no one is living the perfect life.
The good news is an unhappy marriage can be saved. It’s not impossible and there are many couples who have experienced far worse than what you have yet still succeeded.
In this article, I’m going to outline signs that your marriage is and isn’t worth saving. I hope it will help you in your dilemma.
Signs your marriage is worth saving
Sometimes filing for divorce is out of the question because you still care for each other. You know deep down in your heart that he loves you and you love him. You think about how all of this is just a phase and you hope that you two will make an effort to save your marriage.
1. You still love your spouse
Love really matters in any relationship. It’s something that gives you the strength to keep going no matter what life throws at you.
When you know that your husband loves you, you feel like you can achieve anything and you turn into a superwoman.
The truth is that every marriage hits a couple of obstacles on the way to their forever happiness. Your spouse may annoy you with some things that he does, but that doesn’t mean that you love him less and vice versa.
Before asking yourself if your marriage is worth saving, have you considered the fact that you still love each other very much?
You have to keep in mind that marriage won’t save itself and that you have to work hard to make it work, but at least you still love each other, and no one can take that away from you.
And love is one of the most important signs that your marriage is worth fighting for. When there is love, then there is hope that everything is going to be alright.
2. You can’t imagine your life without your husband
Tell me, when you think about Christmas or Thanksgiving, what is the first thought that pops into your mind? Is it family? Is it you and your husband cooking together or watching a late-night Christmas movie?
If you can’t picture yourself without your spouse, then maybe it’s a sign for you to give your marriage another chance.
The thing about marriage is that couples don’t grow independently from each other. Because of the fact that marriage is a union, they actually evolve together at the same time.
It’s a beautiful thing knowing that you can always count on your partner. That you don’t need to be afraid to tackle any problems in life since you have always someone who will have your back, come hell or high water.
It’s especially difficult to picture your life without your husband when you’ve been married for a couple of decades.
Your routines become synced and leaving him and your marriage would feel like losing a limb. So in a way, your marriage is an extension of yourself.
If you still love each other and if you can’t picture your life without your husband, then your marriage is certainly worth saving.
3. You still want to work on your marriage
I know that you’ve been questioning if your marriage is worth saving, but before trying to answer that, have you considered talking to each other and figuring out what the actual problem is?
Good communication between partners is one of the pillars of a healthy marriage. Not being afraid to let your partner know what troubles you is crucial if you want your marriage to flourish.
And if both of you are ready to tackle the problems and work on them together, then your marriage is definitely worth saving.
It may be difficult to recall this since you’re fighting against yourself now, but remember what you said on your wedding day – in good times and bad, in sickness and in health.
You shouldn’t give up on your marriage just because your marriage hit a few bumps on the road. If you’re prepared to work on your marriage and on your issues, then divorce shouldn’t even be on the cards.
4. You’re having second thoughts
If you’ve already decided that your best option would be to divorce and leave your husband, then why are you having thoughts in your head such as “Is my marriage worth saving?”
Face it. You’re second-guessing your decision and that’s what is keeping you awake each night.
You can’t sleep, wondering if it’s the right thing to do or if you should rather stay and work on the issues you’re having with your spouse.
If that’s the case, then your marriage is most likely worth saving.
If you’ve already made up your mind and said that you’re done with him, then you wouldn’t be having second thoughts.
However, you know that the feelings are mutual and that you still care about each other. That’s why you’re not quite sure whether you should stay or leave him.
I understand that you might be hurt by something that he did, but you shouldn’t run away the first time a problem arises in your marriage. Work together toward finding a solution and your marriage will start to mend.
5. You’re stressed by kids and work
One of the reasons why many marriages fail is because of stress. Stress has a huge impact on people and how they behave toward each other. It can even damage your health and destroy otherwise healthy relationships.
When people are stressed, they usually can’t think straight and react in ways outside their normal patterns. Maybe stress is the reason your partner all of a sudden went silent and started pulling away from you.
Or it could be that stress caused him to overreact in certain situations and say things that he would usually never say.
Maybe he can’t keep his composure because he’s overwhelmed by the amount of work that needs to be done, so that’s why he acts the way he does.
But stress should never be a deal-breaker. What if you find ways to de-stress and focus on your marriage for a while? If you think that stress is the cause of your troubles, then your marriage is definitely worth saving.
6. You still respect each other
Is your marriage is worth saving? Well, ask yourself this: Does your partner respect you? Do you respect your husband? If your answer is yes to both, then leaving your spouse for good might not be the best option for you.
You might discuss separation, but you have to ask yourselves whether or not that’s something the both of you want deep down in your hearts.
Another reason many marriages end up in a divorce is that partners lose respect for each other. And without respect and compassion, there can’t be love.
But if you see that he respects you and you respect him, despite all the problems you’re having right now, you shouldn’t throw it all away. Perhaps both of you should give your marriage another chance.
7. You fight and argue
Some people may think that all your problems and fights disappear in marriage and you will live in complete harmony. Well, I hate to break it to you, but that’s not true.
People who are married still fight and have arguments even about the smallest things.
It’s always good if you’ve created an environment in which both of you can express your opinions honestly and without hesitation. But if you go to extreme lengths to protect your partner, then that’s a sign that you still love each other.
You have to have great communication to keep a relationship alive. Most couples who end up leaving each other so do because they simply weren’t on the same page.
So, if you’re wondering if your marriage is really worth saving, ask yourself this: Does your husband care about your feelings? Does he behave protectively even in heated moments?
If your answer to these questions is yes, then your marriage is definitely worth saving.
8. You’re still infatuated with your spouse
Marriage and life are tough. Once the honeymoon phase is over, suddenly you seem bombarded by all of life’s challenges.
You think that something between the two of you is bound to change, but still you feel those butterflies whenever you see him.
That’s one of the clear signs your marriage is worth saving.
If you still feel like a teenager every time he hugs you tightly or flashes that smile of his, then you can be sure that he’s the right one for you and you shouldn’t give up on your marriage.
Granted, it takes more than giddy feelings to keep a relationship alive and healthy. So, if the bond between the two of you is strong that it can withstand life’s trials, then you should definitely give your marriage another chance.
If you’re not infatuated with each other anymore, there are many ways to rekindle the fire that you once felt. But to do so, you and your partner still need to have feelings for each other.
9. The good outweighs the bad
After every rain there’s sunshine. Before deciding whether or not you should give up on your marriage, think about how many times you were genuinely happy with your partner?
Does it seem to you that the good times outweigh the number of bad ones?
If your answer is yes, then that’s a sign that you have something worthwhile.
Sometimes, your relationship might struggle a bit and you wonder if you made the right decision to marry your partner. It’s certainly tough to stay together in those rough patches.
But if your joyful moments outnumber the trials, that means that you’re genuinely happy in your marriage. It’s just that you and your husband may be facing certain life problems and you can’t focus on the positive things right now.
10. You still prioritize each other
Would you drop everything you’re doing to get to him if he needed you? Are you sure that your husband would put his life on hold to help you? Well, if that’s the case, then your marriage is still worth saving.
Every time you’ve faced a problem, he would come straight to you and try to solve the issue together with you.
That’s a sign that your husband is loyal to you and that he prioritizes you over anyone. It’s important for him that you feel happy, content, and comfortable.
So, why would you even think about divorcing him if you’re still his number one?
Your happiness is important to him. That’s why you should invest time and effort into saving your union.
When is it time to give up on your marriage?
How do you know when it’s time to move on? Do you really believe that your marriage can’t survive and that your only option is to leave your spouse?
The truth is that you deserve someone who will love you the same way you do him. You shouldn’t waste the best years of your life on someone who can’t give that to you.
Here are some of the signs that it’s time to let him go.
1. You’re not attracted to your partner anymore
At first, you were enchanted by your partner, you couldn’t believe that such a man even existed, let alone that he’s yours. But now that the initial infatuation for each other is over, you feel as if that attraction is slowly fading away.
I understand if your feelings for your husband have changed over the years. It’s only natural that they evolve when the two of you grow together.
But if you feel like your marriage has become more of a roommate agreement than a romantic relationship, then you may want to consider if your marriage is worth saving.
You have only one life and if you feel that it’s not better with him in it, then divorce may be an option.
2. You feel unsafe
A real man will do anything in his power to protect the woman he loves. He’ll make sure that she feels safe and secure, especially in your own home.
If your husband makes you feel unsafe, then you should definitely think about ending your marriage and relationship. You shouldn’t be in a state of constant fear that he might do something to you or your children.
Don’t ever settle for a guy who abuses you, whether that be physically or emotionally.
A real man would never threaten his wife. Even though you love your husband and have put a lot of effort and time into your marriage, don’t ever settle for spending the rest of your life with an abuser.
I understand that it’s difficult to end such a relationship and that it requires careful planning. But you can always ask your family or someone you trust for advice so that you know you have their help if you need it.
3. Your husband cheated on you
Trust is one of the key components of a healthy and successful marriage. Once the trust is gone between partners, it’s really difficult to build it back up again.
And that’s exactly what cheating does to your marriage. It shatters everything that you built before and you don’t trust your partner anymore.
It doesn’t really matter if he cheated on you once or multiple times. The distrust that you have toward your husband will definitely affect your marriage and it will never be the same between the two of you.
Some people indeed find a way to forgive their partner for cheating, but those kinds of marriages rarely succeed in the long term. You know what they say, “Once a cheater, always a cheater” – and in most cases, that proves to be true.
Don’t stay in a marriage that makes you feel unhappy and betrayed.
You may forgive him for cheating on you, but you’ll never forget about it. You’ll always remember him as someone who cheated on you and there’s no guarantee that he won’t do it again.
4. You feel like you’re doing all the work in your marriage
It doesn’t matter if you’re dating or married, a relationship can’t succeed if one person does all the work. If you wish to have a healthy and happy relationship, then both parties have to put in an equal amount of effort.
If you feel like your relationship is one-sided and you’re the only one putting in blood, sweat, and tears, then you might want to consider leaving your husband.
You shouldn’t be the only one responsible for putting bread on the table or doing everything around the house.
You may try to talk to your husband about these issues, but if he fails to see them, then you may be better off on your own.
Being in a one-sided marriage can be exhausting and in most cases, it ends up in divorce. Your husband has certain responsibilities too, and he has to know them and own them.
5. You don’t agree on anything
As time passes, people do change, even though we like to think that we’re the same as we used to be. That means that your marriage changes over time, too.
In the beginning, everything was great and wonderful. Now, you have real problems to deal with such as paying the mortgage and making enough money to feed the kids.
And sometimes, couples don’t agree on how to handle those issues. They’re simply no longer on the same page.
The problem arises when you can’t agree on anything and if you spent most of your time arguing with each other. If that’s the case with you, then you should think about whether your marriage is worth saving.