Imagine this. You have been dating a guy for a couple of weeks and everything is going well.
You really like that person and you think that you’re heading in the right direction and it could eventually lead to a relationship.
What’s the bad side, you ask? Well, the guy you are dating keeps on mentioning his ex or you catch him looking at his ex’s social media accounts.
Your partner gives you the feeling that her presence is constantly haunting him. Despite everything that you do, he cannot get her out of his head.
You can’t get rid of the tiny voice in your head that tells you that he is still thinking about her. It’s a truly painful feeling and I know that.
You never know what the other person is feeling at night when they stare at the wall.
Maybe you have started thinking, “Does it really matter if he is thinking about his ex even though he is dating me now?”
And let me tell you straight away. YES, it matters.
Those thoughts will emotionally drain you. That negative energy will build up in you and you will be like a ticking bomb.
Another thing to keep in mind is emotional availability.
If you are going to be fully dedicated to one person, it is important that the other person is ready to give love another shot and fall in love with you.
If someone is still occupied with their ex, then it creates this dynamic that something else is standing between you and him.
That prevents you from getting to know your partner better. It prevents a couple from emotionally connecting with each other.
Besides, there are some telltale signs that will indicate if a man isn’t over his ex.
If this is the case, you should proceed with caution if you want to continue dating him.
He mentions her name frequently
If he talks about her frequently, then believe me, he is not over his ex.
One of the most obvious signs that he is still thinking about his ex is when he frequently talks about her, mentions her name, or talks about general things.
This could be the things they did together, the places they visited, and so on.
Calling out her name instead of yours in the moment of a heated argument should be considered a red flag.
And if he talks about her in a negative way, this is a sign that he isn’t emotionally detached from his ex.
Maybe he says her name once in a while. Either way, it is not something you want to hear as it means that parts of his mind are still occupied by her.
Space which should actually be filled with someone else. And that someone else is YOU.
The best way to deal with such a problem is to say to him that you are not comfortable with him mentioning her name frequently.
Have an honest chat and move on.
He is still friends with her
You would expect that him being someone’s ex means that she is no longer a part of his life. However, sometimes you are wrong.
Don’t get me wrong. There are people who are capable of staying friends with their ex, but there’s a thin line.
If they are constantly communicating, chatting over social media, or hang out on the weekends, it’s a sure-fire sign that he is not over his ex.
The only time that I approve of this situation is when a man invites his current girlfriend for a coffee with his ex.
Why not; maybe you will eventually become friends with her.
It’s possible to be friends with your ex, just not within a year of breaking up.
Watch out if she is the first person that he calls when something good happens or when he needs someone to talk to.
Many ex-couples never reach the stage of becoming friends. Because of that, it seems odd that some couples do.
The best way to deal with a guy who is still friends with his ex is just to be okay with that.
You should be aware that even you can have feelings for some of your exes.
Some relationships were so intense that they left some remnants. If it is bothering you, then you should consider talking to him about it.
He feels anger toward her
Scars from previous relationships can still hurt.
The feelings that you have toward your ex should slowly fade away over time.
Some men have detached themselves from their ex physically but not emotionally, and they stay connected to them, using anger.
If he talks about her in a negative way, like how she acted crazy, or something in that manner, he is actually trying to remind himself that he is no longer in love with her, which can be a sign that he still is.
There is a thin line between love and hate and that’s true.
If he smashes something every time he hears her name, it could mean that he is not over her yet.
It doesn’t definitely mean that he isn’t over her yet, but maybe there is some residual anger left in him.
We have all been hurt by someone at some point in our life.
He may get angry about some things that his ex did to him, or when something reminds him of her.
There is no need for you to move on from him, not yet.
You can deal with that by saying to yourself that it is okay that he isn’t moved on completely from her, because he is committed to you.
We all have ties that we are afraid to cut. If it really bothers you, then you could help him resolve his anger issues.
He compares you to his ex
Comparing someone you date to anybody is not a good thing to do, let alone if the other person is his ex.
It’s never a good idea to compare your current partner to your ex, not even if you are the one being held in a positive light.
If his compliments are comparisons then he is not over his ex yet. You are still number one, don’t get me wrong, but comparisons are never good.
Maybe he will say that your pancakes are better, or that you are more fun to be around than her.
Despite this, it isn’t a trait that you should look for in your partner.
It’s okay to think about those comparisons, but don’t voice them.
It means that you are thinking more about them than is actually healthy for your relationship.
If you are tired of hearing that from your partner, being measured against someone else, it is unfair.
You should just tell him to stop or else you will leave him.
You need to remind him that people are different and that’s how it should be.
Remind him that he is in a different relationship now and this will help him realize that he needs to move on from his ex.