I know that it’s so hard to figure out if he is confident or a narcissist. You’re scared. After so many men taking advantage of your kindness and the trust you’re willing to give people, you feel like you’re always in danger.
Men know that we, as women, fall for confidence. We see a guy who knows what he wants and we’re head over heels in a matter of days. That’s why many guys exploit this to find a new victim whenever they can.
You’ve been talking to this one particular guy for quite some time now and you feel like you’ll only be sucked into his world more as time passes. You need to know the truth. You need to know if he is a narcissist or just knows his worth.
There’s a distinct difference between these two things and you can spot it if you pay enough attention.
1. Does he just talk about himself?
The easiest way to figure out if he’s confident or narcissistic is to pay attention to how much he’s talking about himself.
A narcissist will take every single opportunity he can to talk about himself. He won’t even bother to ask you any questions.
A confident man, on the other hand, will want to know more about you. He doesn’t need to impress you to get your affirmation. He just tells you things when you ask him or when there’s a lull in conversation.
Someone confident understands that other people need space to talk as well, so they’ll never make you listen to their stories for hours. Your story is just as important as theirs.
So, when you’re out on a date with a guy and all he does is talk about himself, that’s a narcissist right there. Get out as fast as you can.
2. Is he able to admit when he’s wrong?
Tell me, how do you react when you make a mistake? Are you able to admit when you’re wrong?
I’m asking this because I like to believe that you’re a confident and balanced person who knows how to own up to your mistakes. Of course, you’re mad at yourself for making that mistake, but you won’t beat yourself up about it or make an unnecessarily huge deal of it.
The same thing goes for others who are genuinely confident. They know that there’s always an opportunity for growth and that it’s completely normal to make mistakes.
Only a narcissist doesn’t think like that. A narcissist believes that you’re in the wrong. Even if he does do or say something wrong, he’ll make you feel bad about noticing it rather than apologize.
This is something that you can spot in a matter of minutes after meeting him.
3. Do you feel compelled to give him all the power in your relationship?
Just think about the power dynamics in your relationship. Do you feel like you need to relinquish all of your power or do you have a say in the things that happen?
When he has everything under control, it’s because he’s a narcissist who doesn’t know how else to function. He believes that something will go wrong if he gives you any kind of power in the decision-making process.
A confident man will always share his opinion on certain things with you, but he’ll never ask you to give up your power because of him.
He’ll tell you where he’d like to go eat, but he won’t make a fuss about it if you choose a completely different place.
He doesn’t need to hold onto all control just to prove to you and himself that he’s the “man in the relationship.”
4. Does he compliment you? If yes, when and how?
One significant difference between a confident man and a narcissist is when they compliment you.
A narcissist will only compliment you when he’s able to get something out of it. When you do something that he told you to do, he’ll praise you for it. You’ll crave that validation constantly down the road. But he’ll give it to you very sparingly.
On the other side, a confident man will always compliment you when he sees that you’re putting effort into something. Be it your appearance, your effort in the relationship, or just the fact that you’re working to get through another day.
He doesn’t gain anything from those compliments, but it makes him happy to praise you for those things.
5. Does he act weird when you don’t validate his achievements?
You’ll know he’s a narcissist right away when he gets extremely passive-aggressive every single time when you forget to pat him on the back for the smallest achievements. He expects you to see the things he does and to tell him just how amazing of a job he’s doing.
Let’s be honest, all of us need that praise from time to time. It’s not bad to expect things like this, but there’s a huge difference between the way these two men handle the situation.
For example, a narcissist will get angry at you and attack your personality. He’ll tell you how inconsiderate you are of his efforts.
On the other hand, a confident guy knows he’s doing an amazing job in life. If he does expect you to notice it, he’ll tell you how much words of affirmation mean to him. And that’s that.
6. How do you feel after you talk to him?
You don’t need to look further than within yourself to determine whether a guy is narcissistic or just confident.
A narcissist will drain your energy completely. He’ll make you feel like you ran a marathon. That’s because you have to think twice about every little thing you say and do. His backhanded compliments make you feel like you’re just a waste of space.
On the other hand, a confident man will make you feel uplifted. That’s because he’s not filled with this insatiable need for validation. A confident man exists to be authentic. He doesn’t need you to accommodate him to make him happy, he wants you to be yourself in every aspect of your life.
A man with healthy confidence will make you feel beautiful about yourself and never point out your insecurities just to win an argument.
These are the biggest differences between a narcissist and a confident man.