I GAVE UP ON US, NOT BECAUSE I DIDN’T CARE, BUT BECAUSE YOU DID NOT
I’m not a quitter.
You know damn well I’m not.
All those nights I spent by your side figuring out all the solutions to your problems, while mine were piling up. All those days I spent worrying about your well-being more than I worried about mine. And all those months I spent giving all of me into this relationship until there was nothing left. This is all proof that I don’t give up easily. This is proof that when I make a choice, when I make a commitment, I stick to it.
When I give my word, I keep it.
But I can’t keep on being the only one who is giving. I can’t keep on being the only one who gives a damn about this relationship, because it takes two for love. And let’s face it, I was the only one.
I’m giving up on us, because there wasn’t an us to begin with. Maybe in the beginning, a long time ago, when you actually gave a damn about keeping your word. When you were charming, sweet and loving. When you were everything I could ever ask for. But those times are long gone.
Those times are nothing more than distant memories now.
I’m giving up on us because I deserve more than being in a one-sided relationship. I deserve someone who will kiss me and tell me everything will be okay, even though we both know that it won’t. I deserve someone who will make me feel loved and who will put in as much as effort as I do.
But you were never that one.
I’m giving up on us because there’s nothing more left in me. All of my strength has drained away, all of my love is now nothing more than the echo of the old one. And it’s killing me. It’s killing me to look into my eyes and see that there’s no fire in them. The fire you started. And ended.
It’s killing me that I have to be the one to end it but I guess that’s how it works. I’m the one who kept it going and I’m the one who will end it.
I’m giving up on us, not because I don’t care. Fuck, you know I do. You know that I would jump into the deepest part of the ocean to save you even though I’m terrified of depth. You know I would face all of my biggest fears for you but that’s the thing. While I’m facing my fears and fighting to get over obstacles on the road, you are doing nothing.
You’re just standing aside, waiting until all the work is done. Pretending like I’m not bleeding in front of you, like all these scars on me were always here. Like you are not the reason behind them.
I’m giving up on us, not because I don’t care. But because you don’t.You don’t care if I’m happy or sad, as long as everything works out for you. You don’t care if your peace has cost me my sanity, as long as you have it. When did we become like this? When did YOU become like this?
I can still remember the man I fell in love with, the man I did all of this for. But that man is gone. The man I love and will always love in some kind of way is not with me anymore. I refuse to believe that he is. I refuse to believe that someone so amazing and loving can turn into this.
Into an emotional leech who loves only himself. An emotional vampire who’s sucking me dry of my happiness and love. Of my peace and sanity.
I’m giving up on us. On you.
And I’m making myself my priority, like I should’ve done a long time ago.