Today I Let You Go
And with tears in my eyes this time it was different. I walked away and for the first time I didn’t look back. The truth is I didn’t want to know if you watched me as I got in my car. I didn’t want to know if you sat there waiting for me to turn around. But the number one thing I didn’t want to know was her name. I didn’t want to know if you loved her like me. What I didn’t want to know was if you finally found someone to love the same way I loved you.
So today I let go.
I let go of the possibly that we’d ever get it right. I let go of reaching for my phone in the morning and hoping you’d be that text. I let go of wanting you more than you wanted me.
And with trembling fingers I deleted your number.
I blocked you across social media.
Today I let you go, in a way like we never existed.
But even doing all those things your number is one I know better than my own.
Even doing all those things I know with certainty I could never forget you.
But today I let go of the past haunting me and in a whisper it was the sound of your voice asking me to stay.
Today I let go because I think I knew the whole time what we’d never be and what I let go of was playing with the possibly of it in my mind.
Today I let go of every fight we ever had. Ever tear I ever cried. Every word we might have regretted. Because even with that, even in the times I told you I hated you. I let go of it all.
Today I let go of the pain you caused me when it ended.
Because we both know it didn’t end last night. It ended a while ago and I wasn’t ready to accept it.
So today I’m letting go of all the pain you caused. Of all the confusion you left me with. All I all those night I couldn’t remember drowning myself in a past I wanted forget until the bottle was empty and the tears were dry.
Today I’m letting go of jealousy. Today I’m letting go of envy. Today I’m letting go of blaming myself and thinking it was my fault for how it ended. Today I’m letting go.
Today I’m forgiving. Today I admit I still love you and I might always. But today I’m letting go because I deserve something so much more than this.
Today I let go knowing well there will be moments I want to turn around.
Today I know it hurts. But it is tomorrow I look forward to. It is the day after that. It is the day after that.
It is the day we cross paths and it won’t hurt to see you with her.
Because today hurts but tomorrow is unknown. Today my life begins again because you taught me how to love but more than that you taught what it’s like to not be loved equally in return.
So today I let go of what I don’t deserve and I walk confidently towards something I do.