When you date someone faithful, someone who would never dream of breaking his promises to you, you have a hard time coping with your trust issues. You aren’t sure how to handle it when the fears come creeping back inside because deep down you know he wouldn’t do anything to hurt you.
There haven’t been any red flags. He has been treating you right since day one. He never looks at another girl for too long. He never comments on how you could look better. He loves you the way you are. He claims you are the most beautiful woman in the world and you believe him, you can tell he is speaking from the heart.
But you have been hurt in the past so you are still skeptical even though you have absolutely no reason to be. You read too deeply into every move he makes, because you have heard stories of cheaters and read articles about them and were probably even cheated on yourself before. You know the signs to watch out for so you keep your eyes open at all times.
If he comes home a little later than usual, if he starts dressing differently, if he buys new cologne, if he smiles down at his phone, then you start to get nervous. The worst case scenario plays out in your mind, taunting you.
You don’t want to accuse him of doing anything when there isn’t any proof, but you don’t want to keep your fears to yourself either because then he will be wondering why you have been so quiet lately. So you open up to him, you tell him that you’re sorry and it’s stupid but you are terrified of being abandoned again.
He might try to calm you down at first, to reassure you that he hasn’t done anything to hurt you, but only the first few times. If you make a habit out of your accusations, then you’ll eventually get into arguments because he has no idea how to make you more comfortable. He has already been doing everything he can and you still don’t trust him. He feels powerless. He feels like he is being interrogated.
When you date a good guy but are still scared of getting cheated on, you know you are probably only being paranoid. You know that you should push your fears to the back of your mind — but you push yourself away from your person instead.
You tell yourself that if you don’t care about him, then you cannot get hurt by him. You erect a wall to protect your heart because you could not even imagine how much pain you would experience if you allowed yourself to trust him, to love him, to dedicate yourself to him and he hurt you anyway.
In the end, you end up sabotaging a perfectly good relationship because you cannot accept the idea that someone loves you and only you, that he wants to spend the rest of his life alongside you, that he wouldn’t choose anyone else even if he had the option.