He was my South, my North, my West, my East. He was my everything and now he’s gone. But, after one of our fights, I just decided I had enough and packed my things. As I was leaving I saw him standing at the window of our master bedroom watching me walking away from him. Walking away from everything we have built. Life’s sometimes a mess. To me, today is the biggest mess ever, so I’m not gonna lie to you. I broke up with my boyfriend and that was not because he cheated on me, or something like that. It was because I had enough of our daily argues which are sometimes, as you can see, more poisonous than something which we all call a big deal – like an affair of lying about something that means a world to our partner.
Today, as I said before, I broke up with my boyfriend. Also, today is the day in which I miss him more than I have ever expected. How can love be so painful? It’s not only because I won’t see him again, or at least for a long, long time. It’s that I still love him, and the moment I walked out of that apartment I knew I miss him more than I can take.
Somehow, I feel that you’re going through some similar situation, are you? Do you feel pain too? Are you the one who left, or the one who was left behind? I’m not sure I’m going to help you, but I’ll tell you my story, and if you find it helpful, I’ll be more than glad because of it.
A break-up is never an easy decision. We don’t get up one morning saying – This is it! I’m leaving. It’s always more than that. A lot more. It’s the feeling that you can’t go through another day if it will look exactly like the previous one. Furthermore, it’s always writing a list of pro and against and then making a decision. It’s not just one list. I have dozens of them. They all look familiar to each other. Almost the same thing is on each of them. But I just needed time to say goodbye in my heart, so I can say it aloud too.
As you see, once I was done writing my lists, and putting reasons in two columns, we had another fight. And that was the last one. Because, dozens of reasons were flying around my head, reminding me of all wrong that is in our relationship. So, in that moment, it was not me who said those words, it was my heart, my blue heart, who was telling: I broke up with you. I’m done with you. Do you hear me?!
My heart despaired. There were no more tears to cry, and no more sadness to live with. It was all empty, so it decided it’s time to become full again. With someone new. That was how my heart screamed I broke up with my boyfriend.
Sure, I was sad. I was, and I still am completely down on the ground. I can barely breathe when I remind myself he’s gone. Forever. We’re done. Forever.
If you go through this too, I swear I know how it is. I swear I know who it feels to be empty inside. How is to feel like you’re all alone in the world. But I swear, something great will come to you. You just have to believe. Don’t put yourself on the ground just crying and yelling because of what you’re going through.
Learn from it. I decided to learn from this break-up. I knew the moment my heart said to my mind I broke up with my boyfriend, I knew something great is going on my way. Not now. Once when I heal myself. Now I’m not any good, not just for somebody new, but for myself too.
But let me be absolutely true to you. Before I left I wrote him a letter. A letter in which I’m telling him that he’ll know one day that this was the right thing to do. Not just for me, but for him too. He will know one day when the right girl will standing by his side all in white. I wasn’t the one. Not for him. And, he wasn’t the one for me either. We mixed butterflies in our stomach with real love. So when life hit us, we lost each other.
I wrote him I’m going to miss him. And, he’ll miss me too. It won’t last forever but it will last for a few weeks, maybe months, maybe even a whole year. But after that, the light will come our way, and we will both know we are doing the right thing, and we will both know I was doing the right thing the day I said – Enough.
I wrote him I don’t blame him. It’s nobody’s fault. And for some time, he will still be my South, my North, my West, and my East. After that, he will only be just an old memory. Just a piece of some bright history of my life. I will remember him, I wrote him. One day, when I heal myself I come to remember only nice things, only happy days, only smiles on our faces. All the rest will become nothing. Nothing important.
I wished him good luck. As I was saying I broke up with my boyfriend, for the moment, but just for the moment, I wished he was the one. Later on, I knew we were not meant to be, and I was absolutely fine with that fact. ‘Cause, that’s life. And it’s not always nice. Even near nice. But it’s always somehow fair. If you know how to wait, life will show you the right way.
I wished him to meet the one. Yeah, I broke up with my boyfriend, writing him I wish him to meet the one. It was painful. I would be lying by saying it was not. But, hey, if you know somebody who is constantly happy please meet me with that person! It seems so unreal to me. Because our pain is often the one that put us in a position from which we can further search for the right way in our lives. It’s not all pinky and sweet. Sometimes is all but that. Sorrow, pain, tears… It’s all black sometimes, but that’s fine too.
I said Goodbye to him. At the end of my letter, I said goodbye to him. There was one tear falling out of my eye, and that one tear was telling him I’m sorry. Telling him I already miss him. I know he saw that tear. It damaged the paper on which I was writing my letter. It fell right across my goodbye wishes.
I broke up with my boyfriend. Yeah, life’s sometimes unfair. But, we are all sometimes unfair. So, why can’t life be unfair too? Finally, life is usually better than most of us. Because, after the rain, you can expect the Sun. Believe me. Once I tried. Now, I’m trying it again. And again. Nothing good comes from standing in one place. Especially, if it’s not the right place for us. Erase those tears. Instead of crying for what is gone, smile for what is coming…