There’s nothing more painful than watching your closest friend stay in a toxic relationship for years and years when you know the best thing for her is to break up. It’s hard to approach a friend and tell her what’s good for her, but if she’s your best friend she should understand. You’ve been watching from the sidelines for too long, and now you know you have to say something.

Here are a few reasons why you need to tell your best friend to break up with her boyfriend.

Her boyfriend is straight up disrespectful and rude.

Whether it’s directed towards you or her, your friend needs to realize that she shouldn’t date a man who sucks at basic human decency. Maybe you were on a double date with them, and he was on his phone the entire time, or you’ve seen him blatantly disregard and ignore your best friend’s needs. Either way, he sucks and needs to go.

She blows you off to cater to his needs.

This is pretty obvious, but if she’s constantly bailing on plans with you to see her boyfriend, you know there’s an issue. She’s lost all touch with reality and roots her confidence and self-esteem in her man. That’s a big red flag in your friendship and needs to be addressed immediately.

They fight in public to the extent that it’s embarrassing.

Your friend’s relationship is toxic when it’s escalated to the point of public fights. She’s either on the phone drunk and screaming at him, or they’re off in the back of the room yelling at each other. And it never works out for anyone because you’re forced to comfort your best friend and agree that he sucks, only to take back everything you said when she’s over it and he’s an angel again. Use the next public fight to tell her that her relationship is not healthy and you can’t deal with her relationship anymore.

They’ve been in a long distance relationship with no end in sight.

You know she needs to break up with her boyfriend when she’s been dating him for the longest time and stays with him, but they live far apart. She keeps telling you, “Oh he plans on moving when he can transfer in his company.” “When we have enough money.” “When we decide to move in together.” It’s a little nutty and you have no idea how someone could go on dating a person in another city with no promise of ever being together in person.

They are in constant communication.

This is most relatable if your best friend is in a long distance relationship. She’s addicted to her phone and always has a never-ending conversation going on with her man. They have to know where the other is at all times. It’s highly unhealthy and everyone knows it but it will never stop. She will even go to the extremes of putting her phone in a ziplock bag and texting in the shower or stay up until 4 am yapping away. You wonder how they don’t run out of things to talk about, and then realize that their conversations are wildly mundane and pointless.

They don’t help each other grow.

Your best friend has been with her boyfriend for long enough that they’ve hit their peak in the relationship. She’s not learning or growing as a person—her boyfriend is holding her back, and maybe she’s even holding him back, too. You can tell that the relationship is past its prime because they don’t encourage each other to try new things or meet new people. The relationship is based on comfort and jealousy, and you know that it’s not healthy.  

She stays in the relationship because she’s comfortable.

Long-term relationships can get comfortable and easy. We are creatures of habit, and knowing what to expect in a boyfriend is soothing and effortless. As the best friend, you have a different perspective and can pick up on red flags that your friend is missing.

Your friend might be getting bored in the relationship but is too afraid to admit it, so she seeks male companionship in guy friends. You know that this is a slippery slope to cheating. Deep down, your bestie knows she needs to get out, but wants to hold onto the comforting relationship. Give her a gentle push and let her know that once she decides to move on, you’ll be there for her to get her through it and help with a rebound or two.