Since I was a little girl, I believed in love. Actually, I idealized it. I guess I was watching too many fairytales and romantic movies or maybe I was reading too many books, but for a long time, I was under the impression that love is this omnipotent force that has the ability to defeat everyone and anything and that nobody and nothing can defeat it. After all, it was what all the books and the movies told me—there were villains and there were life circumstances, but true love always fought back. And it always won.
How foolish I was.
Don’t get me wrong—I didn’t lose my faith in love completely. I still think of it as something amazing and consider it to be the best possible emotion you can feel. But I’ve finally accepted that sadly, sometimes it’s not enough. I’ve accepted that love doesn’t mean compatibility or good partnership. I’ve accepted that it doesn’t ensure you a successful relationship. And that it doesn’t conquer all the obstacles and all the villains. Especially if the two of you are the only villains.
Unfortunately, I’ve learned this one from my own experience. I say unfortunately because the world seemed a much more beautiful place to live in while I believed that love is always enough. And I was much happier while thinking so.
But life showed me something different.
I was in a committed, long-term relationship that did not lack love. But it lacked everything else. It lacked respect, understanding, compassion, compatibility, and many other things. To cut things short, it didn’t work out.
Nobody could ever convince me that my partner and I didn’t love each other hard. I am sure that we did, even from this point of view, even after everything that has happened between us, and even after all this time since we are not together. Yes, in the beginning we were madly in love. But, with time, it become something more. What we felt was real, unconditional love for each other. And I think that is the kind of love a person experiences once in a lifetime.
But even that kind of love wasn’t enough. I don’t blame him for everything that has happened, and I think we both share responsibility for our failure. I guess we just weren’t right for each other, despite the intensity of the love the two of us shared. And when love is not enough, you feel disappointment.
Our love wasn’t enough for us to make compromises and to meet each other halfway. They say that true love makes a couple accept each other’s differences, but ours didn’t. They say it makes you accept the other person for who they are, but ours didn’t. They say it makes you change for the better, for that person and for the sake of that relationship, but ours didn’t.
For a long time, we both refused to accept this. We thought that everything will come to its place and that we will live happily ever after, as long as we loved each other. So, we fought hard to preserve our relationship. But, instead of fighting together, we fought against each other. And that was our biggest mistake. Neither of us was mature enough to take responsibility for the problems we were having, so we just tried to pass it on to another person. We started arguing over and over again. And in the process, we lost each other’s trust and respect. And past that point, there was no coming back.
But we still refused to admit that it was time to go our separate ways. Of course, not everything was so bad. We had moments of happiness, and we held on to those moments. We held on to our love, because we knew it was the only glue that was still keeping us together. And we still hoped we would have our happily ever after ending. But what we didn’t know is that you need to make sure to live peacefully ever after before everything else.
And we were just not compatible enough for that. While we were together, I couldn’t get to the bottom of our issues. From the outside, we had all the conditions needed to have a successful relationship. But after we finally split, I had a lot of time to reflect on our relationship, and I’ve come to the conclusion that we simply wanted different things from life and that we had different world views on some important things.
And our love couldn’t defeat that. Yes, it was magnificent. It was consuming. It was once in a lifetime. But it just wasn’t enough.