Sadly, nowadays, there are more and more young people, especially girls, who have a big problem with their self-esteem. Of course, society has brought us some norms and people tend to have their self-confidence ruined the moment they don’t fit those norms. Naturally, that produces numerous insecurities in everyone who are not completely sure in themselves.
Besides, there is a certain age in every person’s life when it’s natural to be insecure, and we’ve all been through that. That is a period in which you are looking for yourself and in which you are looking for a place to fit in, and it can be quite stressful and can produce multiple insecurities. But when these insecurities continue to bother you even after your teen years have passed, you may be having some deeper issues that need to be reconsidered.
But before blaming yourself for your self-esteem problems, try looking around yourself. Be sure that you are not surrounded by toxic people who flower those insecurities. But be careful—sometimes those people can be the nearest and the dearest to you.
If you want to deal with your insecurities, the first thing you ought to think about is what the source of those insecurities is. Naturally, the people we care the most about usually have the biggest impact on us. And one of those people is always your significant other. This is the person you love deeply, but this is also someone who can make you feel like you are on the top, or on the bottom, of the world. And the way in which this person makes you feel shows you how important you are to him.
Does this guy do everything in his power for you to feel special, loved, and wanted? Or does he use every opportunity to make you feel bad about yourself?
Remember, if someone loves you, he will do everything to help you fight your insecurities and to help you improve your self-esteem. But if you are involved with a person who is the main source and the main cause of your insecurities and who uses every opportunity to lower your self-esteem and to destroy you self-image, then this person has problems with his ego, and therefore, definitely doesn’t love you the way he should and the way you think he does.
Sometimes, it’s hard to identify if someone is undermining our self-esteem or is just being sincere with us. People who enjoy making you insecure are usually very manipulative and will not do it directly. Instead, they will use every opportunity to put themselves above you and to increase your insecurities.
A guy who wants to make you insecure will belittle and insult you without you sometimes being aware of what he is doing. And after you have been exposed to this kind of treatment for a longer period of time, you’ll really start believing everything he says about you.
If your boyfriend constantly checks out other girls, maybe flirts with them or has even cheated on you in the past, it is obvious you will start to feel you are not beautiful, attractive enough, and feminine enough, without him even having to say it directly. You’ll think you don’t excite him anymore, because he has indirectly implied that other girls have the ability to attract him.
If your boyfriend never takes your opinion into consideration when you two are in the middle of a dispute or if he ridicules your world views, it is normal for you to start thinking you are not smart enough sooner or later. Eventually, you’ll start agreeing with everything he has to say, just to avoid him undermining you—and that is exactly what he wanted all along.
If he belittles everything you accomplish professionally, after a while, you’ll think of yourself as not successful enough. Consequently, he will become the more successful one in everyone’s eyes and that will boost his ego.
If he is not satisfied with anything you do, you’ll start to believe it too. He doesn’t have to say anything—you are able to tell when he doesn’t appreciate anything you’ve done or accomplished. So, it’s natural for you to start thinking of yourself as not being capable enough.
If he never shows you that he loves you, you will start feeling unloved and unwanted, and therefore, will start to think of yourself as unworthy of anyone’s love.
If a guy you share your life with doesn’t respect your individuality and integrity and doesn’t respect you as his better half and as a human being, there will come a time when you will think you are not worthy of his or anyone else’s respect, no matter how much you try to fight it.
Eventually, you will think of yourself as not good enough, not beautiful enough, not smart enough, not capable enough… not enough.
And this is exactly what this guy is trying to accomplish. He feels threatened by you and has a problem with his ego and with his insecurities, so he is trying to project it on you. Also, this is a part of his emotional manipulation. He is doing his best to assure you that he is the best thing that could have ever happened to you and that you will never find someone who will think you are worthy. So, you start feeling bad about yourself and start feeling trapped in this unhealthy relationship, which affects not only your self-esteem, but also worsens your emotional, mental, and physical health.
And this is not how love should make you feel.
A man who loves you will make you feel totally the opposite.
Once you meet the right guy, he will love you with all of your imperfections and flaws. And you will be perfect for him.
He will love you so hard that you won’t have any other option but to start loving yourself again.
He will treat you with so much respect that you will start respecting yourself and you will begin to demand respect from everyone else around you.
He will use every possible occasion to pay you a compliment, telling how beautiful and attractive you are. With him by your side, you’ll learn that your physical appearance doesn’t determine your value, but either way, you’ll end up feeling like the most beautiful woman on the planet. Because that is what you’ll be for him. He’ll only have eyes for you and will never make you feel like you have to compete with any other woman on his radar.
I am not saying that you won’t fight with this guy. But even when you argue, he’ll always try to look at things from your perspective. He’ll cherish your opinion about everything, even if it differs from his point of view. Therefore, you’ll be more confident when it comes to saying what you think loud and clear, and you’ll start to think yourself as smart again.
This guy will be proud of every little goal you achieve, because he won’t be threatened by your success. Instead of holding you back, he will always show you how much he believes in you and will always push you forward.
He will never try to change you, because he respects the individual human being you are.
For this guy, you will be more than enough.
And this is the only way someone who truly loves you will treat you. This is what true love should be all about.