Claim they are not drunk.

They drink half a bar, wobble around with no sense of direction, possibly bump into a person or two and maybe fall off a chair. And when they’ve had enough, they pick up their car keys and want to fight you for not letting them drive in such state because THEY’RE NOT DRUNK.

I would like to stress the fact that we can barely understand that very convincing defense that we totally bought because at this point their speech is completely unintelligible. As a recreational drunk, I would highly suggest owning it and calling an Uber to take you home so you can socialize with your toilet bowl the rest of the night. No shame in that.

Misplace their possessions.

If you expect the night ahead of you to be ”exciting”, maybe it would be for the best that you leave everything valuable at home. Or, how about you leave it at home anyway. Y’know, just in case if grabbing a burger turns into a full blown party night.

Drunk people tend to lose their possessions a lot and it’s especially bad when those possessions are your phone and wallet. More so nowadays, when phones have become mini databases of our whole lives. Hell, some wake up after a blackout not even knowing what happened to their clothes. So it’s no surprise at all when they lose something like a wallet.

Tell things they weren’t supposed to.

Like that secret, they said they’d keep. Or blurting out opinions and feelings they bottled up. But it’s all good as long as the audience is minimal and consists out of people who won’t spread it further or are completely wasted and won’t remember a thing in the morning.

The moment when drunk’s chattiness becomes an issue is when you say it to the wrong crowd. Like telling that easily offended friend of yours that you actually think her new haircut looks like she stuck a dead beaver to her scalp, and you didn’t want to tell her to avoid hurting her feelings, but this is for her own good. Or blurting out to that cute guy in your friends group that your girlfriend is head over heels for him but she’s too shy to approach him. Or telling your friend’s boyfriend or the friend herself that you have feelings for him for quite some time. Now that was a disaster waiting to happen.

Share kisses that weren’t supposed to be shared. Ever.

Or some other things that also shouldn’t have happened. Ahem.

Getting drunk strips people of their inhibitions and reason. Forbidden people and actions become much more attractive, and for some reason, they start to seem like a good idea. It also makes us feel more relaxed and better about ourselves so that newfound confidence makes us feel we can take on the world. Or finally, make out with that cute guy we’ve been eyeing.

Of course, there is nothing bad about a little make-out session between two single, consenting adults. But when that adult you’re kissing happens to be your friend’s crush, or even worse, boyfriend, I’d say we have a problem.

Why does drinking make us do stupid things? Is the behavior we display while intoxicated the reflection of who we really are? Could we really be such a mean person to hurt someone we care about over a drunken kiss? And is it possible we are that good at hiding and denying it while sober to never even think about doing something like that until alcohol is involved? I wish I had someone to fill me in on this, because I sure have had one or two of those stupid drunken mistakes that I would never let happen while sober.

Have mood swings more unpredictable than the weather.

Being intoxicated usually leads to a roller coaster of emotions. One second you were drunkenly hugging half of your friends and couple of strangers who had the misfortune of standing nearby. The next you’re ready to pick a fight with someone who blew cigarette smoke in your general direction. And few minutes after that you’re hungry, completely devastated and ready to cry because your favorite pizza place is closed. Then you’re fed a burrito and you’re the happiest being alive once more. Until you start craving pizza again.

Happy, furious, extremely sad, happy again, nostalgic. All in an hour. At one moment you’re not sure anymore if you should go to sleep or check in a psychiatric hospital for observation. If you had a drink to make yourself feel better, it probably wasn’t the best idea and you’re starting to see that.

But don’t worry, in the morning when the alcohol wears off, you’ll be fine. And hungover. And full of regret probably. But hey, at least you had fun. Well, part of the night anyway.