He Wants a Break, but I Want to Split
The thing with a broken relationship is that people really need to recognise when it’s time to let go. There’s only so many times you can put a band aid over the wound and hope it’ll heal. Even when there’s still love there, there are times when you have to be prepared to let go. That’s why he wants a break, but I want to split.
When we started out, we were both practically kids. We didn’t know what we were doing. We had never been in real relationships. Now, four years on, we have experience, but only of each other. And some of it was good, but right now, all I can think of is the bad times.
We tried so hard to fix everything. It all started when he kissed another girl. I thought I could forgive that. He told me he still loved me. He made me feel like he was telling the truth. I believed him and we moved on. But mistake after mistake followed. He kissed other girls. He took it further. And he stopped kissing my lips and seeking out others. And soon enough, I was tripping over his mistakes and making my own. Everything we had built just became a crumbled mess on the ground. And I wanted to salvage whatever I could out of the rubble, but now I’m beginning to see that giving up isn’t weakness.
It’s the strength to put a stop to the abuse someone is inflicting on you, even when you still love them. That’s why he wants a break – he still loves me, or so he claims – but I won’t give it to him. He’s run out of second chances.
I hate the person he made me become. He took my innocence and screwed it up until all I was left with was hate and anger. Now, when I wake up each morning, I have an agenda. I wake up and think of ways to hurt him the way he hurt me. I think about how I can screw us up even further, even though a part of me really wants us to work out. And I think about the way it used to be, and I crave that love I used to feel. Now, it’s all replaced with anger and hate and hurt pride.
I have nothing left if not negativity. Which is why I can’t continue. It hurts too much, and I’m tired of the way I feel. I want to be who I was once before, and I want him to have a chance to heal too. Or maybe I don’t. All I know is that if he wants a break, it’s got to be permanent. A temporary fix never works, and this is no exception.
Someday, I’ll find someone who puts me first. They won’t cheat or lie, because they’ll believe I’m the best girl they could possibly have. They won’t abuse my trust, or mistreat me for their own gain. And they will love me without condition, and they’ll understand what it means to commit to someone and stick to your promises. My man doesn’t know how to do any of those things, and that’s why I can’t hold on to him a second longer. He’s not worth my tears. And he’s not even worth remembering the good times. He’s a liar. He’s a mistake. And I’m tired of making mistakes.
One day, maybe I’ll forgive him for everything he did to me. One day, maybe I won’t feel the pain of this relationship anymore. But for now, I cling to it. It’s the reminder I need of why I’m leaving the man I love. He wants a break, so I’ll give him one. A clean break. After all, we both need a fresh start now.