Many people have relationships in which they easily start to act like they own someone. Well, the thing is that such thinking is very wrong. Being with someone, making the real connection that is healthy and normal is all but having a mind to own someone. People are individuals with their own needs and demands. Perhaps you never considered the importance of her or his other relationships in life. Perhaps you don’t feel like you need to meet important people in her or his life at all, why should you? In order to see how strong our relationship is, we often act like we need to sum up all the parts we own and which don’t actually belong to us.
Well, when you easily think about this, you realize that it is not that bad. Opening up to someone you love and respect, in other words your partner, is absolutely normal if you know how to deal with the fact that you uncovered yourself. It’s not the same thing when you try to share things comparing to taking something from your partner. When you choose to open up, you are giving something on your will, not like someone forced you to open up.
Trust and safety are exactly about opening up, because when people choose to open up they know they can trust you and that their story will be safe with you. If you, on the other side, don’t feel like your person shared enough feelings with you, you might be trying to find safety somewhere else in your relationship, so you can talk the nonsense and convince the others of how happy you are. Also that’s the way you justify your partner and your relationship.
The problem starts when you find it normal to act like you have ownership over your partner. To possess someone’s emotions or someone’s life is a very wrong concept of a good and healthy relationship. There is no one who can claim to own us, because we only belong to ourselves. It doesn’t have to mean that we don’t open up to anyone but the opposite. As we said, opening up is something we do on our own, just like we input in someone, or we risk with the thought that our love is reliable and easy to maintain.
Most of us like the connection to other people no matter which way. It could be a casual talk or a message to get to know someone. We can also find someone interesting while speaking about common experiences; the point is that we like to connect. Depending on how much we liked someone, we choose whether we are about to maintain the connection or not. It is up to us because we are those who choose to unbar.
From time to time we choose a potential obsessive person who wants to take much more than we offer in the beginning. If we open up as much as we think is enough, they try so hard to access more. The connection is hard to explain but when it comes to a situation in which they ask for more, we know for sure that they want us in their lives. They want us seriously bad. It is very sensitive because we may feel like they don’t like if we have an opportunity to connect with anyone else. If they could, they would take all of us. They become obsessive with us and they could not take the idea of sharing us or something from us with anyone. They start to act selfish and soon enough we feel trapped.
We can never get enough of someone, especially if we blend love and ownership. If you don’t feel comfortable with loving or being loved, but you need more, there is no chance that it’s not jealousy mixed with a kind of fear. If you feel that you are jealous, it does not matter how much someone is committed to you. There is hard control of jealousy. Because of jealousy we can destroy our happy relationships.
If you choose to get closer to someone in a physical and emotional way is very much like the closeness because your desire for someone is turned into being overly jealous. If you love someone, you share the intimacy and you have pure love without any pressure. If you, on the other side, think that you love someone and you are showing that with being jealous, it is fear more than love. It is very difficult to find the right way to maintain the relationship filled with distrust. Unlikely that, it is very easy to maintain the relationship full of love, trust, and respect.
Staying in a relationship where your partner has serious problems with you connecting to other people means that you need to abandon many things in order to have a connection with one person who is actually wrong. It is very easy to find people we want to connect with, and as soon as we are aware that we couldn’t own them, we will be happy and healthy. We can easily be happy if we realize that we don’t need to own someone in order to feel their presence. The energy we used to spend on jealousy now we can transfer to gratefulness for having those people in our lives.
It is much better if you are able to see a person as your true and honest partner instead of need to control him or her. That’s the only way to maintain the healthy relationship.