Noticing that someone is abusing you is the first step towards ending the problem. But, in most cases, it’s in the same time the hardest step. Many people think that if someone is abusive, that person abuses others physically and sexually. But, there is such thing as emotional abuse and a lot of people disregard this or don’t know how to recognize it. Even when you feel like someone is emotionally abusing you and you complain about that person or someone else, you have the risk of not be taken seriously. Others tend to think that emotionally abused people are not actually being abused and often characterize them as too weak.
How to know if your relationship is emotionally abusive?
In the beginning, some women are flattered by the fact that their boyfriend is jealous and perceive that jealousy as a sign of his interest in them. Of course, jealousy is present in most relationships, but when that jealousy becomes extreme and when your boyfriend becomes possessive, it’s important not to mistake that with love.
When you are in a healthy relationship, it is full of mutual respect and trust. Of course, you should feel loved with your partner. But, what is even more important is that you feel respected and appreciated. Healthy relationships are based on compromise and equality. Both partners have the same rights and nobody is dominant or in control. Every aspect of your relationship should be based on mutual agreement. Your partner should be the person you can tell everything to. He should be your biggest emotional support in every aspect of your life.
All abusive relationships make the victim feel ignored, humiliated and embarrassed without any reason. If you feel like your partner is constantly putting you down, doesn’t take your opinions and desires into consideration, that is also a form of emotional abuse. If your partner wants to be in control over you and your relationship, he is emotionally abusing you. Your relationship is emotionally abusive. And if you are afraid of him in any way, he is emotionally abusing you.
Forms of emotional abuse
Although abuse is not always so obvious, unfortunately, there are many forms of emotional abuse and many women are not aware they are being abused. Of course, there are numerous cases where men are those who are abused, but women are the abused ones in most situations. Many abusers assure their victims that it’s their fault they are being abused. The victim ends up feeling guilty and responsible for what is happening. Emotional abuse hits you directly in your self-esteem, so you are feeling hopeless and helpless. And that is exactly what the abusers want. You may feel like he loves you more than anyone and that you will never find someone else. You feel trapped in this relationship and he assured you he is the best thing that ever happened to you.
He is probably blaming you for all the problems in your relationship. And it’s been going on for so long that you started to believe it. You started to question your own sanity. Sometimes, he maybe admits that he was wrong and apologizes. This is followed by the good days, which bring you hope for better tomorrow. You keep thinking that he will change, but it’s important for you to realize that he will always be like this.
What to do if your relationship is emotionally abusive?
Before anything, you need to realize you are the victim here. It’s never your fault. Although you may be aware of that fact, you keep feeling guilty. That is because this emotional abuse has been going on for so long that he managed to convince you that you are the abuser and you feel this guilt subconsciously, although your mind tells you, you are not to blame. You also need to understand that you can’t change him or help him. No matter what you do and how kindly you treat him, he will always remain the same. He needs professional help that you can’t provide him with.
You need to realize that only thing that you can and should do is to walk away from this person and from this relationship. This is hard for all victims. The longer the abuse lasted, the harder is to leave. You probably tried leaving many times. And he always begged you to stay, apologized and made promises. But, he never fulfilled those promises. It’s ok to ask for help. I am sure you love this person very much and you think he loves you too. But, that is not love and deep down, you know it. So, be brave and help yourself. It seems easier said than done, but you have to do because of your emotional stability and mental sanity. As long as you stay in this relationship, you will never be happy. And you deserve happiness.