There are days when I can’t stop thinking about you. Where are you, what you are doing? Do you have anybody in your life? Or you are alone like I am. I hate these days because I can’t do anything else but thinking about you. All this is really exhausting. I know that you are gone. And I am not sure are you going to come back. But all I need, and all I want is that damn closure. We didn’t have it.
I’m still not over you because there is one part of me that believes that you will come back one day. And that part believes that our love story hasn’t ended yet. I understand that this is wrong, that I have to stop thinking this way, it’s a dangerous way to think. But I just can’t help myself.
To be honest, I want to move on, but somewhere deep inside me, I’m hoping. Hoping that you will find your way back to. Hoping that you will realize that you made a mistake when you left. And most of all, I’m hoping that you will come back to me so we can start all over again. Also, I’m hoping that you will realize that you were wrong and that you will understand what you did to me. I hope.
Maybe I’m hoping in vain. But all I know that I loved you, loved you so much. And I still do. So is a sign that I’m still hoping. You left me, I gave you everything but you still left me. Maybe I have to start thinking another way. Maybe I have to start thinking with my head, not my heart. Because truth is that you took me for granted, you never valued me. And you broke my heart and shattered my soul.
After all, at least I deserve an apology. But also I deserve to get closure. Maybe I have to reconcile myself with the fact, you are never going to come back. And I will never get closure.
I have many questions but I don’t have you to ask you all of them. You are gone. Damn, you are gone. And you are never going to come back. I understand that you are not going to show up on my front stoop with an apology, I understand. But I’m hoping.
Maybe I have to stop thinking about what would happen if I ran into you again. And maybe I have to stop thinking what I would say to you if you texted me. Maybe I have to stop thinking about giving you another chance. Because you had one, and you screwed it. You screwed me and our relationship.
You don’t deserve a second chance, I have to think that way, you don’t deserve to hold my heart in your hands again. And you don’t deserve me. I know all of it, but still, I love you.
There is no doubt that you had your chance and you blew it. You didn’t realize that you had me, all of me. Maybe one day you will. Until that, I have to learn how to live on my own and without you, like you learn to live without me.
I want you, I still love you like before. Maybe even harder, but I have to understand that maybe we are not meant to be together. One day maybe you are going to beg me to be with you again, and until that, I have to learn and understand that you don’t deserve me. And to mean it when I think about that you don’t deserve me.
It is really hard to admit that someone who I care about is out of my life forever. Our relationship meant much to me. But obviously, I have to accept the thing that you are never going to come back to me. I have to promise myself that I will stop replaying memories in my head. And I have to promise myself that I will stop waiting for the day that you come back. Because you are never going to come back. I will never get closure. And I have to understand that it is ok.