We all have bad years and I could probably say that 2020 was my idea of one.
It was the year through which I spent my whole time thinking about you.
Thinking about the guy who probably remembered me only when he was bored.
The guy who called me when he had nothing better to do as he wanted to make the time pass faster.
That one guy who made me ignore all of the other guys while being the one who was ignoring me.
Time passes slowly when you spend it thinking about a guy who never makes an effort to show you that he cares about you.
Each minute felt like torture as I spent it waiting for him to think of me.
I stared blankly at my phone. I hoped that it would finally buzz and that his name would appear on the screen.
However, that only happened a few times and it was always when it was convenient for him.
Whenever I texted him, I waited for hours, sometimes even days, for his reply.
Over and over again, he proved to me that I didn’t mean much to him. Over and over again, I ignored that and hoped that things would change.
For a whole year, I let him waste my time while I pressed pause on my life.
Everything stopped because of him and I felt more and more sad as each day passed.
Now it’s finally time to make that stop. It’s time to end the waiting and continue to live my life with full lungs again.
So, in 2021, I promise I won’t let you waste my time anymore.
You had a whole year to do that, and you showed me that you would never change.
No matter how many chances I gave you.
You will always remain the same guy. A guy who cares only about himself and ignores the wishes of others.
I finally realized that you never cared for me.
You only wanted to have me as an option. As a girl who’d be there every time you needed her, while you’d never be there for her.
I was a safe route you could take whenever you wanted, and the worst thing was that I let you do that.
I let you mistreat me, and I went running to you every time you remembered that I existed.
Every time I asked you about us, you told me that you didn’t want anything serious at that time.
You never knew what you wanted from life and I kept waiting, hoping that one day you would realize that you needed me.
But instead, I kept hearing the same sentence: “I’m not ready to commit.” I kept letting you do your own thing, even though it never made me happy.
Occasionally, you made me feel half-loved and I took those crumbs of love like the greatest gift.
Then I realized that you were doing it only to give yourself more time and to stop me from leaving sooner than you wanted.
You wasted my time over and over again and I kept quiet, thinking that by saying something, I would push you away.
But the sad reality is that it was better for me to push you away than to lead a life of constant waiting.
Deep down, my mind knew that you could never change. You would always be the guy who kept me as an option.
But my stupid heart wanted to believe that you were better than that and it forced me to stick around, even though it was time to leave.
It would have been better for me if I had spent this whole year loving myself and chasing my dreams than waiting for you to realize that I existed.
I was a girl who kept looking for you while you never even thought of me.
I hoped that things would fall into place, that a day would come when I would wake up happy and in good spirits because you’d be next to me.
But that day never came and I finally realized that it never would.
You were too occupied with your other girls to even think of me.
Maybe if I were to erase all of them from your brain, you would remember my name and text me good morning.
But who am I kidding? Your offensive behavior was your fault only.
It had nothing to do with the other girls you were seeing. They were like me – waiting for you to come by, when in reality, you never thought of us.
You were the lesson I had to learn throughout 2020.
You made me realize that sometimes we put so much time and energy into someone even though that person will never appreciate it.
It’s all part of life and it teaches us that we have to care about ourselves if we want others to care about us.
I never knew how to take care of myself, which then made you treat me the same way.
You already saw that you could do whatever you wanted and I couldn’t say a word because I treated myself the exact same way.
But for once and for all, I decided that it was time to cut ties with you.
It was time to let you go out of my life and to prevent you from wasting any more of my time.
If you ever wanted to be with me, you would have been.
You had a whole year to figure things out, and I finally realized that you never actually wanted me.
Your words were simply excuses that were supposed to keep me for as long as you wanted.
Once you replaced me with another girl, you would break up with me and walk away like nothing ever happened.
Even though I let you treat me badly for a whole year, I’m at least proud of one thing.
I’m proud that I finally realized what your plan was and that I was the one who would get rid of you.
You caused me too much damage and I can’t take that anymore. In 2021, I promise myself that I won’t let you waste my time.
You had your chances and I would be a fool for continuing to let you do everything you kept doing for a whole year.
It’s time to walk away!