On and off, I’ve been in many relationships. I’ve collected my fair share of expectations that either my previous partner or other people around me wanted me to fulfill.
I’ve heard different advice on what I must do for my partner if I really love him, which made me realize one important thing.
We expect too much from love and we slowly suffocate it with all those expectations.
The moment someone doesn’t play by the rules that other people invented, your relationship instantly starts to feel wrong.
It no longer matters whether you love each other. If your partner doesn’t act the way others expect him to, you feel like you’re not moving in the right direction.
And the same applies to you.
If, by any chance, you have a different vision of love in your head, you’re seen as different or crazy. You’re acting insane because you’re not supposed to do anything other than what the rules say.
So, all of my previous relationships taught me that there are certain expectations people want you to follow. Your partner, your friends, and your family – they will all look as if something’s wrong with you if you decide that you’re not taking the path they think you should take.
Everyone else follows these rules for goodness’ sake, so why do you have to be an exception?
However, after being in many failed relationships, I realized that the main reason none of them worked was that I was trying too hard to follow set principles of behavior.
I kept applying all those rules until I realized one thing. Other people followed them because they couldn’t admit that their relationship was unhealthy.
They couldn’t admit that the only thing they wanted to do was leave. In their mind, walking away means giving up.
So, they made up all these sayings about how love is hard and how you can’t expect a relationship to be all sunshine and rainbows.
And for that exact reason, I need to say out loud that I’m sick of expectations about love that I’m supposed to meet.
I’m sick of having to fight for love.
Just because I fall for someone, it doesn’t mean that I should torture myself. I shouldn’t have to go through moments of immense emotional pain and decide to fight for love that doesn’t bring anything good to the table.
If I realize that it isn’t what I’m looking for, I’ll turn away and leave. Because that’s what you’re expected to do once you figure out that you’re not happy.
I won’t stay in an unhealthy relationship with the excuse that love is hard and you should fight for it. No, I won’t let that be a motto that will lead me to my downfall because there’s nothing normal about it.
People can criticize me for leaving a relationship too early. They can tell stories about how I’m looking for something that doesn’t exist.
But no matter what, I won’t try to fight for something that feels broken from the very start. If we don’t click right away and I realize that you’re not treating me right, I’ll turn around and leave, without a second thought.
I’m sick of trying to act all perfect when I’m far from that.
Sure, I can go on a date with him and pretend that I’m a dream come true. I can pretend I’m the perfect woman he’ll never be able to find.
But that would be a straight-up lie and at some point in the relationship, he’d find out about it. So instead, I always choose to be open and honest about who I am.
I have no problem sharing my mistakes even though others may judge me for them. If he truly believes that he’ll find a perfect woman in me then that guy better walk away right now because there’s nothing perfect about me.
In the same way, there’s nothing perfect about him.
We’re all made up of past mistakes and failed attempts. That’s what shaped us into who we are today.
So, if he really expects that I’ll be loving and caring every second of the day, no matter the battles I’m fighting within, then he must know that he’s wrong.
And anyone who expects me to act all perfect (at least until we get to know each other better) should know that I’m not playing that game.
I am who I am and I’m proud of the person I grew into. If someone has an issue with that then they don’t deserve a place in my life whatsoever.
I know how many battles I had to fight in order to be where I am today and I won’t let anyone offend me because of them.
I’m sick of having to do something for my partner just because he chooses to do something for me.
If I don’t feel like going to town because I had a rough day at work, I won’t get ready and go with him just because he decided to go to a concert with me days before.
Love isn’t about keeping score and trading favors back and forth. If I feel like doing it, I’ll cook him his favorite dinner one day and I’ll buy him a game he’s wanted for way too long right after that.
But I won’t be keeping score on what he does for me in return. Because the second you start doing that, you’re willingly making your relationship a battlezone.
Whenever he doesn’t do what you expect him to, you’ll start to resent him. And we all know where that leads.
I’m sick of having to be a source of happiness for my partner. And I’m sick of him expecting the same from me.
I’m not in his life to make him happy and to help him heal his old wounds. That being said, he’s also not in my life because I need someone to mend my broken heart.
I can’t expect him to be my source of happiness the same way he can’t expect that from me.
We should be able to make ourselves happy, without anyone’s help. Once we achieve that, our relationship will grow stronger.
Once you’re happy with what you bring to the table, that’s when you can taste the real fruits of your labor.
And finally, I’m sick of having to be in a relationship in order to be portrayed as a normal part of the community.
This is the worst expectation you can inflict on someone. Nowadays, people have serious fears of ending up alone because they’re taught to think that something’s wrong with them.
If you’re single, you’re automatically odd and you’re seen as different. Questions flood in about why you’re still single or whether you’re dating anyone and at that point, you truly feel like you’re drowning in them.
You try to run from the questions, you try to save yourself from this desperate need of others to see you in a relationship, even if it’s an unhealthy one.
But they keep chasing after you, asking you the same things until you break apart.
Just because I’m single, it doesn’t mean I’m not worthy of love. Just because I’m alone, it doesn’t mean that others have the right to ask me what’s wrong with me.
I have every right to stay on my own until I decide that I’m ready for a relationship. And no one should criticize me for that.
If they want to have control over my life, then I’ll lend them my shoes so they can walk a mile in them. But until they do that, I’ll be the one who’s in charge.
And I’ll ignore all of the expectations about love that I’m supposed to meet because I don’t agree with them. Not in the slightest.