You don’t always get what you wish for; it’s just how life goes. You may have a strong desire and will to get it but it could be that God has a different plan for you.
I’m writing this to the ‘love of my life’, to a guy who was never mine. I wanted to share with you my point of view of the whole experience and how heartbroken I was after what you did to me.
You were never really in a relationship with me, am I right? I feel a strong urge to tell you my side of the story so you won’t do the same thing to another woman.
The truth is the pain that I felt before is gone but the memory of it will never truly go away. I wouldn’t wish anyone to feel the same way I did, not even my own worst enemy.
I genuinely thought that we were going to last, that our love was perfect. I thought that your affection for me would never end.
You were everything that I had ever wished for and yet you failed to notice how much I loved you.
You gave me wings to achieve great things and you brought sunshine into my life when everything around me was gloomy. Your presence gave me the strength I needed to continue with my life and every time I needed a shoulder to cry on, you magically appeared and rescued me.
However, I didn’t see what was behind your eyes. I never questioned your feelings for me because I thought that you loved me.
Little did I know that you didn’t feel the same way as I did.
Being in a ‘relationship’ with me was just convenient for you. You used me to forget about other things, as a distraction from everyday troubles.
Like an immature boy, you called or texted me whenever it suited you and you treated me like a housewife. I cleaned, cooked, and kept you company whenever you felt lonely.
And that’s all I ever was to you. Nothing special, just another girl you took for granted.
I was certainly not your soulmate, as soulmates don’t treat each other that way. I wasn’t even your loved one because someone dear to your heart would never treat me that way.
You used me just to pass time until the right woman popped up in your life. I simply failed to see all those signs that you weren’t the right one for me.
I lived all that time in a fantasy world, thinking that you would grow old with me. I honestly thought that you were going to be my happily ever after.
You would be the man I would age with, and when we would stroll down the street, old and gray, we would hold hands and everyone would envy our love.
But that was all just an illusion of mine.
I thought you had my back whenever I was in trouble but you didn’t even listen to what I had to say to you. I told you about all those life problems that I was facing but you didn’t care about them.
You didn’t care about me or my well-being. The only thing that was important to you was texting other women and neglecting the one sitting beside you.
I’ll never forget all those times you chose to go out with your boys, leaving me at home to wait for you to get back.
You were never able to understand my family, friends, or even my job, and even when I talked to you about those things, you didn’t pay attention to me at all. All you said was that it was too much for you.
You told me that I was needy and pushy but all I ever wanted was for you to love me, to care about the person you spent so much time with. The one who always was there for you when you needed her.
I wanted to be the one woman you would look at in a room full of people. You were the last thing I thought about when I went to sleep and I believed that you felt the same way about me.
I wanted to receive the same amount of love I gave you, to be the first thing that popped into your mind when you opened your eyes. But it was only just a dream of mine.
I can say without hesitation that I was deeply and utterly in love with you. However, I believe that you failed to see that.
Or it could be that you willingly ignored my love for you.
You completely disregarded my emotions and never thought that you should comfort me when I cried myself to sleep. The only thing that you did was turn over and sleep like a baby.
You didn’t care that my heart was aching and that my negative emotions got the best of me. Every day, I struggled against the demons inside of me.
You expected me to fight for you and for your love each day. But a woman can only take so much before deciding to walk away from you.
During one of those times, I had some sort of epiphany. I came to realize that no man is worth my sanity.
I saw a reflection of myself in the mirror. She was a woman who was crying and begging to be loved, and for a second, I got scared.
I couldn’t believe what I’d done to myself. But it was you who forced me to change, or rather, I should blame myself for allowing you to change me.
At that moment, I decided that I’d had enough.
I decided to break the bond between the two of us. I didn’t want to be sad anymore and I knew I deserved more.
So I chose to be happy without you.
Now I see that you could never bring happiness into my life. But after all these years we’ve spent apart, I want to say thank you.
Thank you for teaching me how to prioritize myself over others. Thank you for letting me down because I learned how to get up and walk away.
Thank you for not loving me because if you had, I never would have had the opportunity to meet the man who would love me more than anything in this world.
And also, thank you for letting me go. The day I decided to walk away from you and you just let me was the day I finally learned how to stand on my own two feet.
I rose from the ashes and I gathered enough strength to leave you in the past where you belong. That’s why I’m saying goodbye forever to a man who was never mine.
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