I’m Not Picky, My Standards Are Just High

Let’s just make one thing clear: My standards are too high.

For such a long time now, my friends – female and male alike – have been telling me that I am such a snob. Apparently, according to their opinion, I’m too picky with the men I date.

It started when I told them the story of how I walked out of a date with a man who lied to me about his age.

They continued to say that it was fine. They said that people online do that quite often and that I should’ve expected something like that.

According to them, I was the issue. He wasn’t that much older than he initially made me believe, so that should have been fine to me too.

But can you imagine what would have happened if I gave a liar a chance? Yes, he wasn’t that much older than he told me. Apparently, those 5 years didn’t make that much of a difference.

I couldn’t believe that someone would lie to me about that and then expect me to stick around on the date.

Now, expecting someone to be honest means that I’m picky?

Then there was my ex who would never open up doors for me. He’d just walk past me and simply never made the effort to do this. Someone said that chivalry was dead and I shouldn’t have even expected that of him anymore.

We’d have so many fights about these situations and even though I asked him politely, I even begged him to do this one small thing for me, he simply couldn’t be bothered.

Which only led to me walking out of his life.

I’m still the bad guy in his story, while he was incapable of giving the bare minimum of effort I asked for.

You see, everyone thinks I’m too picky or that I’m too strict in my relationships. Instead of asking themselves why they’ve never had the courage to speak up about these issues, they blame me for having the courage they lack.

I haven’t always been like this. It took a long time to develop some self-respect and start demanding basic decency in relationships.

I was in an abusive relationship. When you’re stuck in a relationship like that, your abuser takes all of your self-esteem and crushes it to smithereens.

He gave me crumbs of love to make me believe that relationships should feel like that. He made me think that no one could or would ever treat me better.

It took me years to get rid of that man. It took me years to walk away and start my own healing journey. After you heal from an experience like that, you’re left to ask yourself if you’ll ever be the same person you once were.

If anything, I am so much more proud of myself.

So let’s say that I am picky with the men I date. Shouldn’t every woman out there be? With so many predators roaming the streets and entitled men thinking that they own you, shouldn’t we all be picky with who we associate ourselves with?

The reason I admit to saying that I have high standards is that I know my own worth. I finally know that I should be very conscious of who I give my energy to.

I’m worthy of having someone respectable – someone kind and caring. Why would I be with a person who doesn’t treat me the way I want and deserve to be treated?

I know how much effort I put into relationships. I’m the type to give everything she has to make someone happy.

You can say whatever you want, but it’s a privilege to be a part of my life.

You can say that I’m picky or conceited or spoiled. Maybe I’m all of those things. But at least I know how much I’m worth.

I will never again let someone mistreat me and make me feel like I’m less worthy than them. I’m not going to waste my time and energy on some guy who obviously doesn’t have my best interest at heart.

When I love, it’s fierce. I love intensely and ensure that my partner feels like a king. He’ll be the happiest man alive because I’ll make sure of it.

So if I’m working so hard on myself to be able to give him that one day, then I should be able to expect the same.

My standards may be too high, but so should everyone else’s.

If we didn’t let men get away with the bare minimum, then they’d all put much more effort into everything they did.

My friends say that my standards are too high and then they settle for a flower a year and some cute words here and there.

I’m not going to do that. I want a romance. I want a man who’ll make me feel like his queen – like he’s been waiting for me his entire life.

I’ll make sure to give him everything he needs in a relationship and more, but I do need him to open the door for me. I need him to pay for dinner every once in a while.

Also, I want him to listen to me and not question everything I say simply because I’m a woman.

If you believe that these standards are too high, then I’m sorry to tell you that it’s your own fault. You should be able to ask for these things, especially if you plan to spend the rest of your life with this man.

That’s why you shouldn’t give anyone the right to give you less than what you expect. You’re giving someone your heart – they need to deserve it.

Instead of settling for the bare minimum, shoot for the stars. In the meantime, create a life that would make you happy even if you never found someone to share it with.

Because it’s better to stay single than to settle for less.