It was a while ago when I first heard the saying that actions always speak much louder than just words.
Still, I needed time to understand what it really meant.
I really trusted you when you and I were in a relationship. But it allowed you to hurt me.
I was always honest with you, and I told you all about my actions and plans, but you said one thing and did another.
Do you know what hurt the most? It’s that you would always manage to get away with things like that.
There were times when I was ready to end things between us, but you would then promise me the moon on a string.
Every single time, I would believe you and would convince myself that your sweet lies were the truth because I would tremble when you’d hug me.
I was sure that my love would be able to change you and that everything could be the way it should be… as long as I loved you enough.
It never happened, though.
You never fought for me because I wasn’t really important to you. Instead of proving your love with your actions, you would hurt me with them.
I had to go through unbelievable emotional pain because you wouldn’t stop, even when I told you how much you were hurting me.
You always did what was good for you without even thinking about what it did to me or how much pain it caused me.
Every single time I did something you didn’t like, you would put me down and verbally abuse me.
I did so much for us, but nothing was ever good enough for you. When it came to important decisions, you would always make them without me.
You told me that you loved me, but then you had an affair.
You told me that our love would last forever, but then you cheated on me with the first girl you met.
I heard you say how important I was to you, but then you would make jokes at my expense and belittle me in front of others.
From you, I heard so many lies just so you would get your own way. I loved you so much that that love blinded me.
It was like I couldn’t see what was going on and I didn’t want to believe that I mattered so little to you.
I wanted to live in a fantasy where it was possible for you to change and to love me the way you did when we first started dating.
That never happened, though.
You weren’t willing to fight for me. I believed I was yours. I thought I would be forever. Maybe that’s why you didn’t chase me.
You didn’t understand that you need to chase a woman even when she’s already yours and that that’s the point of loving her.
When you love someone, you fight for them and try for them. The smallest things somehow matter the most.
All I asked from you were those small things, just to keep me alive.
I hoped for even the smallest proof that you loved me and wanted our relationship to work.
You should have fought for me, but I didn’t matter to you enough. You hurt me so many times, and you tried to justify those actions with your words.
Don’t you know that actions speak louder than words?
You would promise me that you would change… but it didn’t mean anything because those were just words without any proof.
I grew tired of all the controlling, gaslighting, manipulation, and lying you put me through. I had to get away from you so I could be me again.
In the end, that was what I did.
When I realized that you wouldn’t ever change and that you’d keep trying to make me look like a fool, I decided to walk away.
I’m not going to lie to you, it was one of the hardest things I ever had to.
Sometimes I wished you never existed and sometimes I wished I never did. That is how hurt I was.
I loved you more than anyone in my life, but you were the person who destroyed me emotionally.
Instead of bringing out the best in me, you took everything that was good in me.
You left me feeling numb by draining all of my energy.
It made me want to protect myself from any emotional pain I could possibly have in the future… and my heart turned into stone.
I blocked my feelings and put up walls around me.
All I wanted was to prevent anyone from getting so close to me that they could hurt me the way you did.
It made me lose any chance of falling in love again and feel loved the way I am supposed to be.
Once I realized what had happened, it was like waking up from a bad dream after a very long time.
I suddenly understood that I had to move on despite all the bad things you did to me.
Healing after such a toxic relationship wasn’t easy, but I managed to recover completely.
I made a promise to myself as I realized that I could love again… I just had to hope that another man I loved wouldn’t be like you.
Despite all the trust issues and fears I had because of you, I realized that I had to give my heart to someone else and trust them.
My emotional wounds were still hurting… but I had to make a promise to myself that I would be loved the way I deserve to be.
Once I made those promises, I finally moved on.
Once I opened my heart again, I found myself again, and I knew that I could love again.
I knew that I wouldn’t let anyone hurt me the way you did ever again.
I’m not like you, as I keep my promises. I promised myself that I would move on and feel loved and happy again.
If I was looking for revenge for what you did to me, this is it.