I’m Jealous Of The Way You’re Happy Without Me

I’m jealous. Even though I never thought I’d admit to this, I can’t help but say it.

You’re not just someone I’ve loved for years. You’re also the one who will always make me think of a better life, a happier life.

When life happens, two people get separated for whatever reason. One of them goes to chase their dreams while the other one stays to miss them.

I was never able to tell you what I felt for you, even when I watched you walk out of my life. Now, I feel like I’ve wasted my chance.

When you’re younger, you’re not really aware of the importance of the people in your life. We forget that we could lose them at any given moment in time.

So when I lost you, even though you were never truly mine, my entire life changed.

Now, I’m jealous of everyone you loved. They never knew that they held my entire world in their arms.

The girl who broke your heart, the one who made you cry that hard, never knew that I would have kept you safe for the rest of our lives.

You told me that you loved her like no one ever before. My heart sank at that moment because I knew there and then that I could never say what my heart wanted to scream.

She was closer to you than I ever had the chance to be. I was never able to hold you close and show you how much you deserve to be loved.

So when someone had enough power over you to break your heart, I couldn’t help but be jealous.

I’m wondering who you’re lying next to tonight and I’m jealous. I’m jealous for never being able to be a part of that peaceful night.

After she made the decision to leave you, I thought that the heartbreak and misery would be enough for you to seek comfort in my arms. I was a safe bet, the safest in this world.

You moved on from her without giving me a chance to show you how much I could love you. And I cried into the night thinking of you.

You’ll never know how much it hurt me. You’ll never know the pain that keeps making a comeback every once in a while.

However, I won’t even try to tell you about it either, as you deserve to be happy, even if it’s without me. It’s hard to explain this jealousy.

I never had the chance to kiss you and hold you. I don’t know what it feels like to be loved by you.

There’s no way I can know what it would be like to be loved by you but I feel like it’d be the most tender love in this world.

The daydreams I let myself enjoy are filled with soft-spoken words. In them, I don’t hesitate to love you, look at you, or steal kisses from you.

In my daydreams, I don’t let you doubt my love and I don’t let myself think that you may not want my love at all. Maybe I’m crazy for imagining us together but that’s the only way I can be honest about what’s bothering me.

Your absence from my life makes things so much harder to feel happiness. I’m numb and those daydreams make me smile, laugh, and cry; they make me feel something.

I’m jealous because someone is living this daydream of mine. Someone doesn’t have to look longingly at you from the other side of the room.

There’s a new girl who doesn’t need to think twice about complimenting you. There’s a new girl whom you love so much that she doesn’t have to think twice about whether or not your love for her is real because you back it up with actions.

You’re that type of person. When you love someone, you love them intensely and you love them unapologetically and honestly.

It’s actually a privilege to be loved by you. I’ve wanted that privilege so badly.

My wishes only made me jealous of the way you’re happy without me. You lead a life that only sometimes intertwines with mine.

When you tell me how happy you are, when you tell me how successful you are, the pride in me swells. I’m honestly happy for you but I’m honestly so jealous of the happiness you experience without me.

I want to be one of the reasons you’re so happy. I want to be a part of that happiness because my life seems so dull when you’re not around.

My life seems like a long list of lost opportunities when I could’ve told you how much you mean to me but I didn’t have the courage to.

So I’m left to be jealous. I’m jealous of everyone you call instead of me and everyone you confide in before even thinking of me.

It may sound like I’m just thinking of myself but my jealousy will never stand in the way of my pure intentions. Because I truly would never tell you this.

I wish you the best of everything this world can give.

You deserve to be loved, you deserve to be happy, and you deserve to be appreciated and there’s no one out there who deserves it more than you do.

So please take care of yourself. I just want you to know that I’m here and I’ll always be here for you, even if I know that I probably shouldn’t.

I should look out for myself, I should be able to move on from you. If one of my friends was pining over a guy this much, I’d probably call her crazy but I truly can’t help myself.

My love for you doesn’t work like that. This love makes everyone forget what’s good for them and that’s exactly what it did to me.

My love for you made me feel jealous of all the happiness you’re experiencing without me in your life. But I don’t want you to give everything up just to be with me, as that would be so extremely selfish of me.

I’m going to hide the truth that lives behind my smile if you promise me to always be happy. I can endure being the one who’s jealous and sad if you please don’t experience either yourself.

If you’re happy with your life, that’s the most I can ask of you. Even though I’m still jealous of the way you’re happy without me.