People always say that relationships are a thing of compromise. That they consist of times where both partners will have to sacrifice a part of themselves to lead a happy life.
Relationships seem like such a complicated thing nowadays. Everyone goes through such hard times to stay close to their loved ones. It’s like you continuously try to please them, without ever looking at your own needs. Instead, you follow through with everything they deem important.
That’s completely understandable when both parties invest the same amount of effort into the relationship. When you both do everything to make the other one happy, then there’s a balance that keeps you steady.
But what happens when you continue to give and don’t get anything in return?
What happens when you can feel yourself change for the man you’re with just to keep him happy and smiling? Does he even understand how much you’ve given up for him?
When you’re in a relationship with a man who only takes without ever giving anything back, you feel like you’re always at a loss. You can never be good enough, you can never make him see that you have needs as well.
You start to wonder if you’re truly that broken.
I can attest to this because I was in a relationship like that too. I would ask myself daily if I was truly lacking so much to make him so mad that he’d ask me to change myself.
There wasn’t a moment in our relationship where I felt like I was enough just the way I was. I had to change something, even if I was happy with it at first.
This included things from lowering my voice when I’d laugh to having to change my hair to please him. He wanted to see just how much he could exert his dominance over me, so he did all he could to show me he was the one in charge.
Sadly, I couldn’t see that at the beginning. I would’ve gone through much less pain if I was ready to put down my rose-colored glasses and just listen to my gut. But I did everything to make him happy. Even when I’d fight him on it, I’d still end up doing things his way.
There was this constant voice in my head that would nudge me to change. To do better, to be better.
Just because you’re here right now, I’m assuming that you’re going through the same issue. You thought you weren’t that big of a mess when you met him, but now you’re not even sure anymore.
You fell in love with that man because you saw something special in him. You initially thought he was the man you’d spend the rest of your life with.
Now, you’re not so sure anymore. You want to believe in the goodness of his heart, but you know that your heart feels heavier by the day. The more time you spend thinking about how you can never seem to make him happy, the more you’re breaking.
He tells you that you’re annoyingly loud, that you spend too much time in your head, that you have a weak sense of humor. Everything he says makes you feel like something’s wrong with you, so you try to adjust as best you can.
But it’s like a never-ending cycle.
As someone who went through the same thing with someone she loved, I need to share a piece of advice with you: You wouldn’t need to change if he was the right man for you!
If you need to change to make him happy, then he doesn’t love you. He just loves the idea of you. He believes he can shape you in whatever way he likes to turn you into his picture-perfect girlfriend.
The issue here is that there’s always going to be something you’ll have to change. You won’t be able to just change one thing to make him happy.
Once he realizes that you’re willing to do these things to put a smile on his face, then he’s just going to ask for more each time you give him the opportunity to do so.
He’ll make you feel like a project with no ending in sight. There’s no final product that you’re working towards.
But you need to understand that the right man for you will love you just the way you are. He’ll love your little quirks more than anything. Those interesting things about you are what make you unique.
He won’t feel the need to turn you into another person. He’ll want you just the way you are because you’re more than enough for him.
Until you find a man like this, don’t settle for a jerk who thinks that he can control you.
The right guy will make you laugh even harder because he enjoys your boisterous laughter. He’ll see your natural beauty without wanting you to change a thing about you.
He’ll know that you need to make decisions for yourself and he’ll let you do that. In fact, he’ll love you even more for it.
This guy you’re currently seeing isn’t even half the man your future spouse will be. Don’t just stand there and let him push you around.
Because if you need to change to make him stay, let him leave – or better yet, get yourself out of there. Let him find his perfect match in someone else because it’s obviously not you.
He’ll try to convince you to stay, but know this: Nothing will change. You did all the changing because he’s unable to budge even the tiniest bit for a compromise.
So save yourself the trouble of re-inventing yourself for that man. Stop blocking your blessings by staying with him. There’s someone who’s just waiting to fall in love with you, just as you are.