It’s hard to believe that someone deserves to lose you when all you want to do is hold on to them for dear life.
You want to be able to hold him close, hold him tight, and show him that you can love him more than anyone else.
When you look at him, you realize how much of yourself is reflected in his eyes. He knows you all too well.
You two have shared so much together that you don’t even know who you are without him by your side.
All of this is going through your head while you feel your heart break in your ribcage.
Yes, you love him, but you’re watching him leave you for the tenth time.
There are so many questions running through your mind. You’re asking yourself if you’re the actual problem.
You’re doubting yourself and if you’re the one who is always pushing him away!
What if you are? What if it’s all because of you? Maybe you’re being too clingy, too emotional, overbearing?
What if he simply can’t handle you because you’re too much?
If the problem isn’t you, then there’s no other explanation to be found, right?
Your love, your efforts aren’t enough to make him stay and it seems like they will never be.
Every time you think that you have cracked the code to his heart, that he is going to stay, he finds another excuse to leave you.
He says that he needs time to think. He says that you’re too good for him.
All of these words play repeatedly like a broken record in your head and you’re left wondering if they’re true.
Just a moment before you were tangled in each other’s arms, exchanging feverish kisses. Now he’s leaving you. Again.
It doesn’t matter how much you plead and beg, he’s out of your life before you get a chance to appreciate his presence.
There is always something more important than you.
His friends are more important, his dreams are more important, his playboy life is more important.
He’s always had that lifestyle follow him everywhere. He’s the bad guy, the guy your parents told you to stay away from, but you still hold onto him.
You make him your priority, even though he was never able to make you his.
Everything was somehow more important than you are.
He’d tell you that he has so many things to do before he settles down and when you offer to accompany him, it seems like he can’t get away from you fast enough.
You know that he’s actually running away because he’s scared. Of course, you know that. You know everything about him.
There is only a handful of people out there who know him as well as you do and that’s what makes you wait around so he has a place to come back to.
When he’s gone for long enough, your smile returns and your eyes get their shine back.
You seem genuinely happy when he’s gone for long enough.
It’s like your entire body goes through the withdrawal of the things he did to you and then you’re fine again.
You laugh, you go out with your friends, you do all the things you couldn’t do because he was draining you so much.
When he’s gone for long enough, you hide your heart away instead of wearing it on your sleeve like you did before.
You put up walls as tall as they can get and they get thicker every single day.
It seems like no other man will ever be able to do that to you.
No other man will ever again be able to put you in a situation where you doubt yourself. You know you’re better than that!
That is until he comes around again and all your walls crumble under the love you feel for him.
Even when things seem like they’re going to be okay, you just know that he’s going to leave again.
You ignore those red flags and the way your heart drops to your stomach.
If it means you get to love him just one more time, you’re going to make it count.
You go back in circles, always wondering if this might be the moment he actually realizes you’re the one for him.
You want to believe he sees how important you are and how special your connection is, but he’s gone before you can catch your breath that he stole when he kissed you again.
There were times when you thought that he didn’t deserve to suffer. That he simply didn’t know what he wanted in life.
It’s time to let that thought go.
You need to realize that he deserves to lose you.
The next time he calls, you won’t pick up. The next time he sends you a text, you will delete it.
You’ll block him. You’ll ignore him when he walks past you on the street.
There will be a moment when your heart will burst out of your ribcage when you see the way his face crumbles.
But he deserves it. He deserves to lose you if he wasn’t going to make you his first choice.
You never asked for much. You asked for his love and affection.
He wasn’t able to give you the bare minimum and you aren’t obligated to sit around and wait for him to figure it out.
You have an entire life ahead of you. There is love out there that’s meant for you.
He will realize how precious and gorgeous you are when you turn your back on him and he realizes that he deserved to feel his heart break.
The next time he tries to come back to you, shut the door to your heart.
Show him what it feels like to wait for someone who will never be yours again.
He doesn’t deserve another chance. He doesn’t deserve your forgiveness or love.
The only thing he does deserve is to lose you, because he was never able to make you his one and only.
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