How many times have you made excuses for his behavior? How many times have you justified his actions by the fact that he loves you and wouldn’t intentionally hurt you?
You made him seem nicer than he is because you couldn’t admit to yourself that his behavior isn’t a sign of love. It’s actually a sign of abuse.
Many of us have committed the same mistakes, including myself.
I fell for an abuser and lived in the belief that this guy loved me and wanted the best for me. No one could convince me otherwise, no matter how hard they tried.
I rejected the opinion of other people, thinking that I knew his intentions best. This guy cared for me and everything he did was his way of showing me his love.
At least, that’s what I thought.
But some time later, I realized that I’d been a fool. I’d tricked myself into believing things that were anything but common sense.
That whole time we were in a relationship, his behavior wasn’t a sign of love, it was sign of abuse.
Now, that I’ve learned my lessons, I want to help you do the same. I want to make you recognize the abusive patterns that we tend to ignore, thinking of them as signs of love.
It’s not easy to admit that you’re actually going through emotional abuse. It’s not easy to identify his behavior and classify it as abusive.
But with some help, you’ll be able to see clearly once again and accept the reality that has been hiding under the mask of love.
If your partner does any of these things, you better stop seeing his behavior as a reflection of love, because he’s actually mistreating you.
He’s been able to hide it until now, but the time has come to let the truth out.
1. He controls you
You might think that you’d be able to recognize a controlling boyfriend. Surely you would be able to see if he’s treating you badly and confront him about it, right?
But what if I told you that controlling comes in all shapes and sizes, and sometimes, it’s impossible to notice. Maybe your boyfriend has been controlling you this whole time and you haven’t been able to see it.
And here’s how it looks.
He calls you all the time to see how you’re doing. Caring, right? Is this a sign of love or does it actually shows that he’s abusing you?
Well, if you realize that his calls are frequent only because he wants to find out what you’re doing, who you’re with right now, and when you’ll be coming back home, then that’s controlling behavior and it has nothing to do with love.
When you tell him that you’re going to relax a bit and he still FaceTimes you because he doesn’t trust your words, that’s abuse.
When you choose to go out with your friends and then he acts all sick and convinces you to stay home with him because he can’t trust you going out without him, that’s abuse.
Maybe at first, these things look like a sign of love. Maybe they seem like acts of caring about you, but deep down, his intentions are different.
2. He acts as if he possesses you
Have you ever got a message from him saying, “You belong to me. No one else can have you.” You thought it to be romantic at first, right?
But if you think about it, this message shows his possessiveness over you. It shows that he thinks of you as a thing that belongs to him.
After that, he starts shaping you by his standards and makes sure to force his values and beliefs onto you. That way, he gets to form you the way he wants you to be.
After some time, you start losing yourself and have no idea who you are anymore.
It maybe looked like love at first, but it’s a way of emotional abuse that you shouldn’t put up with.
3. He starts stalking you
Caught him stalking you? And then, he gave you an excuse and brushed it off like it wasn’t a big deal.
You didn’t want to lose him, so you ignored his behavior and went on with your life.
But as time goes on, you’ve realized that stalking has become a part of his everyday life.
Whenever you follow someone new on Instagram, he immediately gives you the third-degree about the person. Whenever you meet up with friends, he messages you or even pitches up to see who you’re with.
At first, you thought that it’s just him caring about you and wanting you to be safe. But his behavior is crossing the boundaries of care and love.
4. He keeps blaming you for everything
At first, you thought that your guy wanted to solve issues between the two of you. And since he kept blaming you, you actually started believing that many of the things were your fault.
Then once he saw you took the bait, he started blaming you harder, day after day. You’ve reached the point where you feel like you deserve all of the hateful words that come out of his mouth, since this behavior has become your reality.
But trust me, this has nothing to do with love. It’s abuse in its purest form.
He knows you didn’t do anything wrong, but he needs to exercise his dominion over you by treating you like he’s right and you’re not.
If he gives up and admits the real intentions behind his behavior, it would be like he’s giving up on one thing he knows best – being abusive.
5. He stonewalls you
Every time you try to have a conversation with him, he stonewalls you. He treats you like you don’t exist and ignores your words outright.
No matter how hard you try to get through to him, he’s a tough nut to crack and he refuses to let you in – unless that’s what he wants.
Because of this, you start to feel like your emotions aren’t valid and you doubt yourself. You start to think that you’re the one who hurt him and you’re the reason he keeps ignoring you.
But if he truly loved you, he’d never let you feel like that. He’d never play with your feelings and mistreat you in such a sly way that you have a hard time figuring out what’s actually going on.
If you’re familiar with any of these situations, know that your relationship isn’t filled with love and acceptance. Instead, it’s built on abuse and hatred.
And that’s not something you should put up with.