I Won’t Let You Play Blame Games With Me Anymore

All that time, everything was my fault. Even though I had nothing to do with the problems you created, you always found a way to blame me for them.

It was my fault that you didn’t know how to care about me. Apparently, I was too emotional and expected too much from you.

It was my fault that you cheated on me once. According to you, I asked for too much and that put a lot of pressure on you.

Your finger was always pointed at me and no matter the mistake you made, I was always the one to blame. Starting with irrelevant things, we then reached a peak and I ended up being blamed for serious issues you caused.

It was me who provoked you to text other girls. It was me who didn’t care about you. And it was me who got annoyed over simple things.

It was always me and you always failed to look at things from the right perspective. You always ignored the fact that you were a part of that relationship as well, that you were part of a team.

Our conversations went around in circles and we always ended up back at the starting point. You kept convincing me that everything was my fault and you failed to listen to my side of the story.

Over and over again, I allowed that scenario to play out in front of my eyes, until one day, I finally had enough. I couldn’t take it anymore.

The blame game you played with me hurt me badly. My soft heart was in pain and my mind couldn’t stop thinking about all of the bad words you said about me.

Sometimes, I found myself overthinking my actions.

“Is it really my fault? Am I actually a bad person who doesn’t know how to treat him right? Am I making everything worse?”

But just as I decided I was the worst person ever and as I thought about apologizing to you, you came home and treated me to another series of blame games. Right from the front door, as you couldn’t even wait to come into the house.

I started the conversation with, “I need to tell you something,” with the intention of apologizing to you. But you didn’t let me finish.

Instead, you shot me down with your words, certain that I was about to accuse you of something you didn’t even do. You again blamed me for things I didn’t even have on my mind.

And that’s when it hit me.

Do you know that moment when all of the puzzle pieces finally fit into their right places? When all of a sudden, you realize everything that’s been going on in front of you but you were oblivious to?

Well, that’s exactly what happened to me. Listening to the words coming out of your mouth, I finally realized that none of those things was my fault.

That relationship was falling apart but it had nothing to do with me. Instead, it was you who got us there, it was you who made me question my sanity.

You played blame games with me like your life depended on it.

If I were to describe myself with your words, I would be a bad person who didn’t respect you and didn’t care about you at all. I would be the one who put you down all the time even though you tried so hard to fix our relationship.

But the reality was completely different.

All of the bad traits you projected on to me were actually parts of your personality. All of the negativity that was apparently coming out of me actually belonged to you.

And I have no idea why it took me so long to realize that. I have no idea how I kept quiet to your attacks all that time.

It’s only now that I see things clearly. It’s only now that I’m aware that you put me down all that time.

You walked all over me, thinking that it would help you feel better. You were disrespectful toward me and you treated me like I had no worth.

It was you who was the main part of the problem that whole time.

No, it wasn’t me who didn’t care about you. I gave my best to treat you respectfully and to shower you with all of the love I had.

But you rejected all of that. You couldn’t admit that I was helping us while you were bringing us down at the same time.

So, you made me feel like I was making all of the wrong moves because that was the only way your ego could survive.

That was the only way you could live with the fact that you were a bad person who would never be able to truly love someone.

You kept blaming me for anything and everything, thinking that I would change for you. You thought that you would finally be able to take control over me.

The mold you wanted to put me in had been prepared by you a long time ago and I was so close to giving in to you. But thankfully, I saved myself from your terror.

I saved myself from all of the pain you tried to inflict on me and I realized that you never loved me. The thing we had was closer to manipulation or even abuse but it was never love, nor could it be.

So, I had to walk away from you. I had to do it for the sake of my happiness.

I won’t let you play blame games with me anymore. The time we had is over and I can’t thank God enough for helping me pull myself out of your claws.