I Won’t Go Back Because Leaving Hurts Less Than Holding On

I’m still holding onto the thought of having you by my side. It happens when I’m completely alone, I drift away into the world I created where we can have our happily ever after.

But I won’t go back. Because leaving hurts less than holding on.

Although there’s no “us” anymore, I put the pieces back together in my mind and drift into another reality where we are still together.

I only allow myself to fantasize about those things that never happened and will never happen occasionally, when sadness overtakes my body and I need to remember the feeling that I had when I was with you.

And I allowed you to occupy my thoughts just a little bit because it helps me cope with reality.

But I can’t go back to you. Holding onto something that will never happen hurts, but leaving hurts less.

I sometimes wonder how would it be to move forward in this life without your absence.

How far would I go before realizing that you were my anchor and my strength?

And for how long could I endure this pain that your absence causes me?

It’s been a while and I still haven’t found a way to fully let you go.

There’s no article, no self-help book, no friend that can help me in my process of healing from you.

But time is a powerful tool. It can be your worst enemy or your best friend. It’s up to you to decide.

And I’m finally taking my time to completely get rid of you because I still feel your presence in me.

I can’t fully digest the fact that we’re not together anymore, that you’re not part of my life, even though it was me who left you in the first place.

I was the one who gave myself to you, every piece of my soul belonged to you.

And I knew that you could emotionally destroy me. I knew that but I learned to live with it.

I understand now that even if you know you belong to someone and love them wholeheartedly, you can still be in a toxic relationship.

Most of the time, the person we love the most has the greatest power to poison us from the inside.

Sometimes people change and love fades away, so they start hurting each other instead of giving their utmost love.

Now I know that our love wasn’t destined to last. And with every mistake, there’s a lesson hiding just around the corner.

I don’t know the message yet, but I know that I don’t deserve a partner who’s being toxic to me.

Someone who slowly breaks me piece by piece and then leaves me like I’m nothing.

I’m saying NO to those kinds of relationships and I’m rejecting everyone who is being toxic toward me.

I’m following my own path – the path to discovering self-love.

And I’m learning to fully embrace myself as I am, with all the flaws and quirks, and I’m not letting anyone stand in my way.

I won’t go back because leaving hurts less than holding on.

I’ve seen too many mistakes repeated over and over again, so I can’t give our love another shot.

I’m slowly accepting the fact that our love will remain a fantasy and an idea that I created in my own head. And that’s fine.

I’m sure time will help me erase you once and for all. And I’m also sure it’ll show me that leaving you proved to be the best decision I’ve ever made.

You’ve always pretended to be a man of action, but you never proved that to me.

Instead, your words hurt like hell and they left scars on my soul. Those scars will heal, but I won’t ever go back to you again.

I know that you can’t fix me. If I went back to you and tried to rekindle the old flame, I’d just hold a grudge against you for the rest of our lives.

Deep down, I’d blame you for everything that happened and will happen, but that’s not what love is about.

True love shouldn’t be like that. True love means that you have each other’s back at all times, without any hesitation.

But you stabbed me in the back multiple times, and I foolishly forgave you and gave you another chance over and over again.

You broke me. And you have no right to try to fix me.

You’re a part of my past now. I won’t let the past get the best of me, preventing me from reaching my true potential.

I learned that I’m more valuable than I thought I was, that I can achieve my dreams. And all that, I realized without you in my life.

I still think about you when the sun goes down and the stars come out.

However, I decided for you to stay right there – in my head. I’m not letting any man destroy me the way you did, ever again.

You’re a true example of everything I should never do.

I’ll never treat anyone the way you treated me. I’m much better than you and I’ve finally realized that.

Even though you pretended to be an open book, your covers were hard to penetrate.

And once I did get in, I read every chapter of your personality and I decided I’m never going to open or re-read that book ever again.

You’re not worth my time or effort. Instead, I’m focusing on myself and my well-being. The right man will know how to cherish a lady like myself.