I always waited for you to make me happy. You couldn’t be bothered to give me this small thing, so I’m done asking you to give me happiness.
I’m going to make myself happy.
At the very beginning of the relationship, I was ecstatic. My eyes were always seeking out yours in a crowd.
Whenever you were out of my sight, it was like a shadow overcame the entire room. Back then, I thought that these emotions were simply because I loved you so much. I couldn’t stay away from you. I wanted to always be around you.
You were making sure that I was always greedy for more. More of your attention, more of your touches, more glances, and more of your kisses.
I couldn’t get enough of you for such a long time that I thought I’d become addicted to you.
Like any other addict, I needed my fix. I craved you deep under my skin, wanted you to always be around me, longed to see the beautiful colors of the world thanks to you.
I craved you to the point where every ounce of my happiness depended on you. What does that say about me?
Only a bystander can see an addict’s addiction. So when my friends started telling me that my dependence on you was toxic, I didn’t believe them.
They’d tell me how easily I was manipulated by you to believe that I needed you. You’d tell me stories about how my life wouldn’t make sense without you, but the truth is I agreed with you back then.
You were like my personal little anchor, holding me together and grounded. But what I didn’t know back then was that I was nowhere near the ground.
I was floating in a cloud of lies you created for me. So when you started to withhold that happiness from me, I felt like I was detoxing. It hurt like hell.
You’d make me work so hard for my happiness. I wanted you to hold me when I’d cry, but you’d tell me that I didn’t deserve it.
When my friend ended up in hospital, you said that it was probably my fault and that’s why you couldn’t hold me or even look at me.
All I wanted was comfort back then and you made me work so hard for what I know now is basic human decency.
Your attention was like a currency. If I made you dinner, I’d get a full night of cuddles, but if I didn’t, you’d avoid me and give me the silent treatment.
I needed you to make me happy to the point where I completely forgot that I could’ve made myself happy this entire time.
I remember the moment I realized I had to make myself happy. I’d cried so hard, I’d passed out on the kitchen floor. I’d been screaming at you a moment earlier for canceling on me again.
I was all ready. Makeup done, dress and heels on. I was ready for a great night because this was the first time we were going out in a while. But you were too busy avoiding me and that night you again canceled on me.
You said that you didn’t want to go out with me dressed like that. When the man you love the most in this entire world says some degrading things to you, you can quite easily forget your own worth.
The next morning when I woke up on the floor in the middle of my apartment, I just knew that this wasn’t the life I wanted to live any longer.
I wanted to regain control. I wanted to live my life and only depend on myself for my happiness.
So that’s how I made the decision to stop begging you to make me happy and make myself happy instead.
When you actually realize that no one is worthy of you and your tears, your entire life does a one-eighty.
You weren’t able to make me happy in a way that would create lasting emotions – it was all just fleeting moments of bliss. You’d get me high on happiness one minute, just to leave the next. That’s why I was so miserable.
I’m leaving you forever and I’m going to make myself happy the way I deserve to be happy.
It was hard for me to say that you were the toxic one who should probably stay away from every woman ever. You’re not capable of actual love and that’s just sad.
How did I ever think that I could be truly happy next to someone like you? That question would plague me if I didn’t know that it wasn’t my fault for believing that.
You made me trust you completely. I was just so easily persuaded.
Now I’m going to do all the things that make me happy. I blocked your number, I blocked your social media. You don’t deserve to have me in your life anymore.
I’m going back to the things that gave me joy. From the dresses you forbade me to wear to the music you thought was too cheesy for you.
I’m going to make myself happy. I don’t need you or any other man to do that. All I need is myself.
So when you think that I need you again, just remember that you were nothing more than a piece of gum stuck to the bottom of my killer stilettos.
Nothing more. The very moment I got rid of you, it was easier to walk through life.
Watch me lead a happy life. Watch how I’m able to turn the tables. I just hope you know that no woman will be able to make you happy as much as I did.
They will never tolerate you. So remember me as the only happiness you ever had.