My dear ex,
I wanted to write this for some time, and I finally have enough strength to do it. I hope you’ll finally understand why I had to leave.
One of the worst feelings in the world is realizing that you aren’t someone’s priority. But there’s still something even worse than that. And it’s the moment you figure out you’re the third party in your own relationship. Which is exactly what happened to me…
As soon as I became your second choice, I knew I should leave. But it seemed impossible back then, so I tried everything I could to stay with you, even though I knew what was going on.
I was confused, angry, sad, scared, and all those feelings came at once. But I still didn’t want to give up on everything we’ve built together. I just wanted you to be there and hold my hand till the end of time. You know, like we promised each other. But I guess you had some other plans.
I always knew that there are different ways how you can be a third party in your own relationship. I read that the most common one is that your partner has feelings for someone else, but I never paid much attention to those articles since I thought it could never happen to me.
But when your behavior changed I remembered something I’d read a long time ago. “A partner who doesn’t give you enough attention might try balancing life with two relationships.” I still hoped that it was not true…
I promise you that it’s something no one should go through. And I pretended not to see all the signs that were clearly saying I’m not your priority anymore.
I knew that at one point in life, you’ll have to choose. I just hoped it would somehow be me.
But I remembered what Johnny Depp said: “If you love two people at the same time, choose the second. Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn’t have fallen for the second.” That’s when I realized the bitter truth.
You made me feel so insecure. I had to try hard to help myself feel good in my own skin. I hope you’ll never have to experience that. Every day, I would go to the mirror in my bedroom and look at myself. I would see a person who’s weak, pale, boring, ugly, and her boyfriend’s second choice.
I told myself I’ll go to the mirror every day until I’m able to say “I see a beautiful strong woman. She is kind, funny, intelligent, ambitious, and she definitely doesn’t deserve to be someone’s option.” I had to compliment myself because you never did that anymore.
I knew I was not treated the way I deserved to be. And I tried to gather all the strength I needed to leave. To give myself a chance to find someone who will cherish me and be aware of all these things I hoped to see in the mirror. But I still had some hope, so I stayed.
I talked to my friends about everything. They told me that even if I still love you, you’re not the one I need to be with. You’re a person who doesn’t care about me anymore and someone who’s never gonna make me his priority again.
My friends warned me that I’ll constantly have to worry about your behavior if we stay together. That I’ll no longer trust you and I’ll walk all over myself just to keep a man who doesn’t deserve me. They begged me not to let myself be a third party in my own relationship.
But I always kept in mind the beautiful relationship we had before, and it was so hard to leave. I knew that you changed and that you were not worthy of my love anymore, but I still dreamed about being your only one. I still hoped you’ll change your mind and realize we were meant to be.
Everyone warned me that a person who behaves like this to his girlfriend will probably always stay the same. And that I should never try to change you because it would be a mission impossible; I’ll just hurt myself even more. But I still tried…
People always have a lot to say. And it’s not something that should’ve bothered me that much, but it’s still something that always affected my mood. Especially if the words that hurt me came from someone I cared about. But why am I telling you this?
Because you don’t know everything I had to deal with. You don’t know that I had to listen to others tell me how you’re in love with her. You are not aware of the fact that people laughed behind my back, and said that I’m a weak woman who would agree to anything just to keep you.
But I don’t blame them, you made me look like that. And I also did that to myself because I chose to stay when I should’ve left.
After a few months, my sister told me I wasn’t the same person anymore. And then it hit me. I finally understood that you broke me, and if I continued praying for our relationship to work out, I would only ruin myself. I looked back at everything you did to me and knew what I had to do.
I knew I had to leave you to get myself back. What we had for four years was amazing and I’ll always cherish the memories we spent together. But I’ll also never forget this last year. The year in which you broke me, ruined everything we’ve built, destroyed my self-respect, and put someone else in front of me.
However, that’s also the year in which I learned how I never want to be treated again. I deserve someone who’ll always make me his priority because that’s what I give to the guy I love. I hope you’ll never experience the things I did. And I really hope that she’ll love you the way I did.
I know that leaving you was the right choice, but I won’t lie and tell you that it was easy. However, it was still easier than living with someone who dreams about another girl.
It was a scary road, but luckily, it wasn’t endless. Now I’m giving both of us a chance to be truly happy again. And I finally learned how not to let anyone walk all over me. I’m putting myself first because you failed to do so.
I wish you all the best, but please don’t contact me when you become a third party in your new relationship. Good luck.