My dear boy,
When we saw each other for the first time, it was like our souls connected immediately. Do you remember when I told you I felt like we’ve known each other for ages, even though it was only a few hours after I actually heard your name?
I always dreamt of meeting my Prince Charming, but I never really thought it was realistic until I get to know you. I got my own fairytale and the kid inside me knew her dream really came true. You were everything I ever wished to have in my life. Honestly, you were even more than that.
That’s why we said those beautiful three words so early. Remember how people used to tell us how it’s not possible to develop those kinds of feeling that fast? But for us, it was possible and we truly loved each back then, and we still do.
Our relationship had everything that people consider perfect. Our friends were joking about how we look like those famous TV power couples. They even called us Noah and Allie. Maybe it was our fault they gave us that nickname since we watched The Notebook like 8 or 9 times. But hey, that’s totally normal, right?
We spent our nights dreaming about the future, and days working on it. The best thing about us was always the communication between us. I could tell you my deepest fears, but I could also bother you with “Would you love me if I was a ladybug?”
We had so many traditions. Sundays were for cooking, your job was making lunch while mines were dinner and dessert. I still don’t know why I had two obligations while you had only one, but you somehow always flirted your way out of that question. And I fell for that every single time.
We reserved our Wednesday nights for watching movies together. Middle of the week, both of us were tired from work, so we agreed to always rest on Wednesday night. I still can’t believe you made me watch those war movies so many times. But I guess I got my revenge with all those chick flicks.
Or maybe I didn’t since I noticed you liked most of them. You were just too embarrassed to admit it. Weren’t you? Well, if you won’t admit it to me, then just do it for yourself. I won’t hear you say it anyways. You’ve always been as stubborn as a mule.
Oh, yes, I remembered our Fridays too. Party time! Another thing that made us such a fun couple is that we never acted like the old couple (that happened to most of our friends who’ve been dating for a long time). But we always knew to make the perfect combination of fun and seriousness in our relationship.
It’s so difficult to talk about these things in the past tense, but if I used the present I would be lying. Every sentence I write breaks my heart but I know this must be done. And I know I need to gather all my courage to even send this to you. I know this all sounds confusing, but I promise I’ll explain.
You see, my dear Noah, everything was perfect… until it wasn’t.
We never realized when it started, because it was happening as one thing after another. But then so many things gathered that it was impossible not to notice them. I still don’t know how is it possible that we missed so many signs of our relationship crumbling down.
Sometimes I lay in bed thinking about what would happen if we noticed those signs right away. If we dealt with the problem by problem, and not all of them at once. I think about all the outcomes and the one that came about.
I tried to figure out what are the things that happened to us. What is it that destroyed our perfect fairytale? I know you want to hear about it so I’ll tell you everything I realized so far.
Remember how I told you that our communication was something special and it always differentiated us from other couples? Well, we lost it. We didn’t realize it right away, but let’s take a look back.
When was the last time we talked about our day? We used to talk about it every night before going to bed, but we somehow stopped doing it. We even stopped waiting for each other to come back home. It’s okay to go to sleep when we’re tired, but why did we start doing it every night? Even on weekends.
Our Sundays became one Sunday per month. And our Wednesdays started happening once every few months. It’s sad to see all the movies we were excited about coming out, but not actually watching them together. It’s devastating to watch our traditions fade away.
However, even though most of the things started falling apart, we always knew we still loved each other. And that love kept us together. Our morning kisses and “I love you” messages and sticky notes around the house never disappeared. And it always brought some happiness back to our lives.
Then the dreams we had together started changing. We ignored all of the plans that we previously made. Marriage, kids, new home… You said we needed to work on our careers more, but I was sure that there was plenty of time for both. Making a family and maintaining a successful career.
I would get sad every time we spoke about this. We’ve been together for such a long time, we were supposed to make our dreams come true ages ago. We were so good at doing it at the beginning, and now we’re just peddling backward.
I spent nights thinking about all these things. I find a problem, but then I remember that we love each other so I just cover the problem with that love we have. But there were so many of them that it finally hit me.
Love can’t save us this time.
It is powerful, but can’t do it on its own. It needs us to fight, but we stopped fighting. We accepted our new reality and gave up on everything we ever dreamed about. We were unhappy, but we didn’t want to admit it to ourselves.
Only God knows how difficult it was to figure this out, and how much worse it feels to write this to you. To my Noah, my love, and the guy I wanted to spend my life with. I still want to, and I always will. But we can’t fix it. We are in too deep and we can’t save our relationship anymore.
We lost our spark, and all that we’re left with is love and tons of beautiful memories. I hope you’ll always cherish them the way I will, and I hope that you’ll smile every time you remember your Allie. You were my first love, and there will always be a special place in my heart reserved just for you.
And remember, I still love you, but love is not enough.