I still have feelings for you…
What happened to us? How did it ever come to this?
I’m sure that what we had was love, so how could it turn into torture? I thought that I knew you, so what happened?
You stopped being the man I fell in love with, my forever person. How?
Why? I still have feelings for you, but I realized that I’m wasting my time.
I don’t know anymore, and I have no idea what changed. The only thing I do know is what we could have had, and it’s killing me.
In the beginning, everything was perfect, and I felt like I was in heaven. Naturally, I understand that all relationships have an introductory part that seems idyllic.
But how did ours turn into hell and get so far away from the heaven we lived in? It didn’t happen suddenly, it was gradual… Little by little, without us noticing, we grew apart.
Before I even realized what was happening, all the good somehow outweighed the bad.
All I was left with were memories of the good times that all of a sudden seemed so distant.
I just wanted us to go back to all that so we could enjoy our lives forever because I didn’t want things to end.
Hopefully, you noticed that I did everything I could to prevent it from ending.
I was always willing to try harder, do more, and be better – for us.
Even when you made unforgivable mistakes (and there were many), I was willing to forgive you.
Yet again, I’d cry alone because you weren’t there, even though I was in a relationship with you.
I still wasn’t ready to give up on you – on us. What’s more, I think I still haven’t given up, even though I wouldn’t like to admit it.
You were the one who forced me to move on.
Perhaps you were never really ready for a committed relationship. When the relationship started to get serious, you acted up.
You started creating problems where there weren’t any to begin with. Out of nowhere, there was a lot of drama, and we started fighting all the time.
Even the trivial things started causing arguments, and you’d always pin the blame on me.
You were good at arguing, so you’d always make me apologize even when I did nothing wrong.
I was willing to apologize because I just wanted us to live in the harmony we used to have.
But still, there was no end to stupid misunderstandings and petty fights anyway.
You’d get jealous, and at some points, very possessive. Then not a moment later, you’d treat me like I was invisible.
You’re the same person who used to show me love and lift me up when I was feeling down.
You showed me incredible kindness, but then something changed.
Do you know how worthless and sad you made me feel at that point?
It felt like giving me a warm hug and gentle kiss, only to push me away and turn your back on me.
I started dreading finding out how you’d feel or act when we’d see each other because I’d never know for sure.
Some days were amazing, and you’d make me feel special, but then there were bad days when you’d make me downright miserable.
Surprisingly, I managed to get used to that bittersweet pain, drama, inconsistency. I realized that was the way you loved me, and it was the reality I lived in.
All that mess started to seem normal to me, and I could even feel comfortable with the messy stuff… to a certain extent…
But you’d break my boundaries, and I’d just pray that you’d change back to the person I fell in love with.
I needed consistency in my life, and without it, it all seemed like a waste of my time.
I didn’t just hope for a better relationship, I actually put effort into making it work too.
But it was a waste of my energy because you could never see things through my eyes.
One day, I just couldn’t do it anymore. I simply had to face the fact that you’re not the person I’m going to spend the rest of my life with.
We weren’t meant to be together, and it was clear that the love we had would just destroy us.
I still have feelings for you, but I realized that I’m just wasting my time.
Love is not supposed to hurt, it’s supposed to heal. In our case, it wasn’t the love I was searching for.
It was a one-sided relationship, and I was the only one trying to save it. You actually gave up on us long before I did.
You’d just do whatever you want, and I’d cry myself to sleep. How could we even call that love?
The truth is, I’m beyond done waiting for you, even if I still love you.
All relationships hit some rough patches every now and then, but ours was simply doomed – I didn’t sign up for the neverending rough patch.
It shouldn’t be hard for me to love you, and you’re supposed to make my life easier. You turned it into despair instead.
We spent so much time together, but there were so many signs I was wasting my time with you. I couldn’t let it go on forever.
I was holding on to the moments when we were happy together but, for some time, I realized that one of them would be the last.
It had to stop. We had to let it end.
Despite everything, and even though it’s hard for me to say it, I still have feelings for you.
But that doesn’t mean that I want to get back together with you.
Even though I realized that I was wasting my time, the time I spent with you is something I still cherish.
You’re still a part of my story, even though I’ve turned the page and started a new chapter.
Even now that it’s clearly over, you’ve stayed a part of my past, my regrets, desires, and thoughts. Those moments of love we had will always be important to me…
But my well-being and happiness are more important to me. I have a right to a fresh start, and after some time, I’ll finally feel indifferent towards you.
You belong in 2020, and in 2021 I won’t let you waste my time anymore. We both deserve better, and you know that.
I hope you find happiness too. And although I still have feelings for you, the time we had together has passed and I’m not going to waste another second.