“I dream about my ex every night and I can’t for the life of me figure out why!”
Don’t be scared, I can tell you for a fact that the universe isn’t conspiring against you to get back with your ex.
I know how scary it can be. Your subconscious mind is bringing up memories and emotions that you thought were long gone. You want to forget about him and move on, but how are you supposed to do that when you’re always dreaming of him?
It’s an awful feeling when you wake up and the lingering feeling brings you to the verge of tears.
People say that the pandemic and lockdown have put us under so much stress that now everybody’s having some weird, reoccurring dreams. But regardless of what’s going down in the world right now, it’s no new thing – people have experienced dreaming about their exes for ages.
And it’s especially irritating if you’re in a new relationship. You believe you’re happy with this new guy and that everything is going smoothly. But you can’t really enjoy your relationship fully if you’re always dreaming about your ex!
You don’t even know if you should tell your current partner that the man you once loved pays you casual visits when night falls.
What do these dreams mean and why is your ex constantly haunting you?
Why do I dream about my ex every night?
There are different types of dreams that you may experience. Some of them are a little happier than others, but they always leave you stressed.
Sometimes, you dream that someone bad happened to him and wake up in cold sweat.
Even though you may not care a lot about him right now and even though it’s not real, it’s still hard to see someone you once cared about go through something so bad.
Whenever you wake up from those dreams, you’re confused. And the worst is, you don’t even know if you should wake up your current partner to talk to him about it.
Even if you don’t have someone new in your life, you don’t feel comfortable telling anyone about your dreams before you know why this is happening.
There was a time when I wanted to confess that I dream about my ex every night. It was extremely hard to cope with that stress because I wanted so desperately to get him out of my system, but each night I would always get reminded of him.
Because of that, I’m here to help you. I don’t want you to this to bug you any longer.
If you know why you dream about your ex every night, then you may also figure out how to stop these dreams (if you want them to stop, that is).
So here are a couple of possible triggers for your current dreams.
1. You’re not happy in your current relationship
What are the chances that your ex treated you better than your current boyfriend? Your past relationship fell apart, yes, but that doesn’t mean that you don’t still think of your ex highly.
Your current life simply seems a bit off. You’re not happy, you’re not satisfied. Even though he technically should be an amazing boyfriend, for some reason he can’t compare to your ex.
With all of these possible reasons he’s a constant visitor in your dreams, you genuinely have to be honest with yourself. You can’t just deny the things that are obviously happening to you.
Are you comparing your current partner to your ex-boyfriend? You may be doing this without even being aware of it. Don’t shove this possibility under the rug.
Did your ex-partner give you more emotional satisfaction? He may have communicated with you on a different level, making sure to always be there for you and validate your emotions.
Right now, I’m not saying that you’re being neglected, but rather that it’s nothing like what you used to have.
Because of that, you dream about your ex every night. He comes to you as a reminder of what you had once and what you may crave again.
2. He was your first love
If you find yourself asking “Why do I dream about my ex every night?” you may be a girl who still dreams of her first love.
It’s incredibly common to dream of someone you loved long ago. Especially if that someone was the first man you ever loved.
Your first love is the one you learned the most from. When you dream of him, it’s probably because something reminded you of him and the pure love you felt for each other.
Some dream analysts want to believe that this is a sign that you need to spice things up a bit in your life. Your first boyfriend actually becomes a symbol of desire and unconditional, fearless love.
They say that dreams of an ex-partner mean you should try something new with your current boyfriend in the bedroom. It will probably help you on your quest to get rid of these dreams.
3. It’s a recent ex
It’s not uncommon to dream about your ex every night if you’ve just recently broken up with each other.
A breakup is a very traumatic experience. You were emotionally involved in your relationship and that made the breakup even worse.
I would love to tell you that the dreams will go away soon, but I would be lying to you.
You’ve spent so much time and effort in that relationship and now you don’t even know how to live without him. That may sound a tad dramatic, but it’s the truth. Now you have to learn how to navigate life all by yourself.
Don’t be too harsh on yourself during this period. He will continue to pop up into your dreams every once in a while, without a doubt. Now it’s just a little bit more frequent because the breakup is still fresh in your memory.
4. You have lingering feelings
Your future relationships will definitely suffer if you have lingering feelings for your ex.
When he comes to you in your dreams every single night, it may be your mind’s way of reminding you that you’re not really over him. There are still feelings that you’re trying to ignore or simply shove deeper into yourself.
But you and I both know that’s not really how things work. You can’t ignore your emotions and expect yourself to move on in one piece. Those emotions have to be processed in order for you to let go of him completely.
Your subconscious is trying to bring this to your attention and make you realize that you still have some healing to do.
5. You were in an abusive relationship
You don’t have to even ask yourself, “Why do I dream about your ex every night?” if you were in an abusive relationship.
Your relationship could’ve been physically or emotionally abusive, it doesn’t matter. It’s enough to leave you shaking uncontrollably in bed while you try to forget the nightmare you’ve just had.
It’s very common for victims to develop PTSD after a relationship like that. The face of your abuser will be plastered all over your mind and even when you try to ignore those bad flashbacks, he’ll find a way to pop back into your head.
Especially when you’re sleeping.
It’s said that we dream of our biggest desires as well as our greatest fears. You have a big fear of getting back together with that man. You’re petrified by the thought that he may get his hands on you again.
That same fear is what brings him into your dreams each night. You have night terrors.
And I’m sorry to tell you this, but you will continue to have these until you seek professional help and heal properly. Otherwise, these nightmares may last for years.
6. Your physical needs aren’t being met
It’s completely normal to have dreams of your ex when your physical needs aren’t being met. We’re human beings, for crying out loud!
We’re human and we all have our own special needs that need to be met. So there’s no shame in this whatsoever.
I know that this probably sounds awful because you feel so bad for your current boyfriend. You want to tell him what you dreamed of last night, but you’re also afraid of his reaction.
You probably have a recurring dream of kissing your ex passionately until the moment you take it over the edge.
Of course, it’s taking a toll on your mental health. What you may want to try though is to communicate with your current partner about your physical needs and try to figure out a way to make things good again.
In order for you to stop these weird and uncomfortable dreams, you have to do something. So involve him and let him help you.
7. You miss him a lot
You don’t have to be a dream expert to understand what this dream means. Just last week you heard the song that marked your entire relationship and now you can’t get a full night’s rest.
You try to keep your thoughts about him to a minimum in your waking life. But it doesn’t matter if you had a bad breakup or if you really split up for some stupid reason, there’s still a chance that you miss him.
When you spend that long with someone, you can’t just continue your life without them easily. You can still feel the caress of his hand on your back and you can still smell the faint remains of his scent throughout your apartment.
You miss him. Of course, you do! Your subconscious mind is reminding you of your deepest desire and that’s him.
You probably don’t want to believe it, but it’s true. You can try and navigate your thoughts and emotions during the day, ignoring the need you feel for him, but you can’t control your dreams.
8. He reached out to you recently
Just when you thought that you were over and done with him, a notification pops up that makes your heart skip a beat.
When I asked myself why I dreamed about my ex every night, I just had to remind myself that he texted me the week prior to ask if I was doing alright.
That’s why my brain insisted on bringing him into my dreams every single night afterward.
Do you believe that that could be the case with you as well? Has he texted you or reached out to you in some other way recently?
Now your brain is trying to make sense of everything. You’re anxious and wondering if you’re just imagining things or if he was flirting with you. You’re dissecting every single word he sent you.
Why would he text you in the first place? Doesn’t he have a new girlfriend? You don’t want to seem overly dramatic, but you’re overthinking the tiniest details of your conversation.
Because of the mental strain that this caused you, combined with some unresolved feelings you have toward him, your brain decided to bring him into your dreams.
We always dream of things when we’re in stressful situations and this is definitely one of those. You will continue dreaming of him until you finally let go of him and make the decision to go no contact.
9. You’re falling in love with him again
My best friend once came up to me and told me those exact same words: “I dream about my ex every night and it feels like I’m falling for him all over again!”
She said those words with so much pain that I hate to remember this situation. He was basically haunting her in her dreams.
That’s why you may be dreaming of him this much as well. Look at just how much you’ve been thinking about him these past few days!
When you dream of him, you dream of running into his arms and kissing him. You dream of a happier place, where you can love him unconditionally. But you can’t have that in your waking life and it’s frustrating.
You probably reconnected with your ex after a while and if that’s the case, you’ve got your reason right there.
10. You want to fall in love again
When you’ve been single for a while, you’ll feel the undeniable need to fall in love again. That’s when you dream of your ex and the good times you had with each other.
You’re not really falling in love with your ex, your subconscious is just dreaming of the person who once made you feel loved.
Especially right now, with the pandemic happening and everything, you’re very lonely. There’s no way you can date freely and you can’t meet new people.
You’re sad that your love life has been put to a stop and you don’t know how to navigate through that. Because of the significance of this particular need, you’re dreaming of your ex every night.
Dream interpretation can be very dangerous when you’re lonely and in need of love and affection.
In your waking hours, you probably feel a sense of longing for a romantic partner, so when you fall asleep you have those vivid dreams.
11. He cheated on you
Granted, being cheated on isn’t as bad as having to deal with an abusive ex. But it still adds to our trauma and it definitely leaves you broken and bruised.
This is a very common dream for people who’ve been cheated on experience. You may dream of your ex cheating on you when he actually did it to you in real life too.
You’ll dream of it the most if you caught him red-handed. For example, if you barged in on him with another woman.
That scene is still engraved in your mind.
However, there’s also another reason you may find yourself wondering “Why do I dream about my ex every night?” It’s because of the fact that you don’t feel like a priority in your current relationship.
You feel like there’s someone or something your partner pays more attention to than he does to you. It may be his phone, the TV, or his Xbox.
I know that it sounds silly, but think about it. Does he spend hours in front of his computer playing video games? Dream analysts have always found a correlation between these things.
12. You have unresolved issues in your life
If you have dreams of your ex, then you may want to think about if you have unresolved issues in your life. And while those issues may include your ex, they may also be entirely unrelated.
You will dream about your ex years later if you still haven’t got closure. You’ll dream of him because you have so many unanswered questions that are still floating in your conscious and subconscious.
You may also dream of him if you have questions about other things in your life. Are you waiting for those recruiters to tell you if you got the job or not? Or are there other issues that you’re fighting right now?
If you try to get your life back together and resolve issues yourself, then you may find peace again.
All those things can cause not only dreams, but even insomnia and night terrors. What you’re experiencing right now is just a sign that you desperately have to get these things done so that you can sleep through a night in peace.
13. You’re thinking about getting back together with him
Yeah, it’s not easy to move on from an ex. Especially now. I know how hard it is to dream about your ex every night and then wake up feeling guilty for ever splitting up with him.
Those dreams remind you of him, even though in your waking life you don’t want to have anything to do with him. You don’t want him in your life and you don’t want to think about him.
But those dreams put the idea into your head and now you’re frustrated. You would love to move on with your life, but these reoccurring dreams are making it very hard.
Well, I can tell you for a fact that this doesn’t mean that you’re going back to your ex to beg him for forgiveness. Especially if you have no interest in him whatsoever when you’re awake.
Your subconscious mind is just reminding you of a lesson you’ve learned. If anything, you’re finally completely over him emotionally. Look deep into yourself and you’ll see the obvious truth.
14. He’s moved on with someone new
There is always that ache in your chest when you realize that your ex has moved on while you’re still mourning the loss of him.
He’s going to pay you a visit in your dreams. You will dream of your ex every night until you come to terms with the fact that he has someone else in his life and doesn’t want you anymore.
It sounds extremely harsh, but it’s the truth. You’ll probably dream of him with this other girl, or you’ll dream of him breaking the news to you that he has someone else in his life.
This is your wake-up call (ironic, isn’t it) to move on as well and let go of a relationship that doesn’t serve you anymore. You shouldn’t stand around and wait for him to come back to you and choose you once again.
What to do if you’re in a relationship and you dream about your ex every night?
Sometimes, you can work through this on your own. But when you’re in a relationship while you’re experiencing this, it can get pretty awkward and complicated.
So, how should you approach this?
My advice to you is to communicate to your partner what’s been happening and what’s been bothering you. Tell him something along the lines of “I have no idea why, but I dream about my ex every night and I hate keeping it from you.”
Your current partner may play a big role in your healing process and you could get over your ex much faster if you have your partner’s support.
That said, you also have to ask yourself why you would want him to know in the first place. Does he see you get out of bed every night after your dreams wake you up? Is he worried about you?
If he’s worried and he doesn’t understand what’s going on, then you should really tell him to reassure him that everything’s okay.
Also, go through the possible consequences. What would happen if you told him about this? Would he get jealous? How would you reassure him?
In this situation, it’s important to remember that it’s not your fault. You don’t have control over what happens when you’re asleep.
If you have a good guy, he’ll certainly help you go through this. Your ex meant a lot to you and that’s completely normal.
If your current partner is a secure guy, he shouldn’t feel jealous just because your subconscious is playing tricks on you.