When you think about what closeness feels like, what do you imagine?
When I think about it, it’s always something very warm and very comfortable.
It’s when your entire body is intertwined with the body of the person you love the most.
It’s also something very innocent and pure.
Like those times when your mother remembers to bring you cut-up fruit to your room when you’re watching a show or doing your homework.
She remembers those things without even asking you. She’s close enough to you to remember what your favorite fruit is and to buy it for you.
Remember all those times when your friends ran to your side when you needed them, even when you didn’t say a word.
They saw your furrowed brow and they knew that you were on the edge of tears.
Those little things show us how close we are to someone and how close they are to us.
It’s a unique concept and everyone has their own definition of what closeness feels like.
Somehow, it’s different for men. I’m not saying all men, of course, but there are key differences that I have been able to acknowledge.
The biggest problem is that I’m not the only one who’s been able to realize this particular issue.
Many of my female friends and family have bore witness to this.
Men don’t know what closeness feels like.
This particular topic was brought to my attention when I asked my father when my birthday was.
He always claimed how close he was to his three daughters and how much more open we are when it comes to sharing things about our lives.
While my female friends debate the things they can tell their fathers, my sisters and I have very open communication with our dad.
However, when I asked him when my birthday was, he froze for a moment to think.
Not some random date like when I learned how to walk or what my first word was. No. My birthday.
Bear in mind that I’m a grown person and he had enough time to remember when my birthday was.
He looked at me, like he just had an epiphany.
“Sometime during winter! I remember it was snowing when you were born.”
Great, Dad. Thanks.
Of course, I should be happy about the fact that he at least knew the season in which I was born. Some fathers don’t even bother to remember that, but it did get me thinking.
Is there really such a huge difference about what closeness feels like to men and women?
When my friends and I think about being close to someone, it’s being able to talk about anything and everything.
We walk into each other’s homes without knocking, buy each other our favorite drinks because we know which it is and we even know what type of guy which one is attracted to.
We know each other’s birthdays by heart!
Instead, I can’t get any of my male friends or family members to remember even basic details about me, even though I know those little things about them.
Men seem to be so emotionally constipated that when they are close to someone, they still hold back.
If they show too much emotion, they will be deemed as not manly enough or too vulnerable. Like it’s a bad thing.
I have never been able to understand what goes through a man’s head when he falls in love with a woman and how he figures out whether she’s worthy of him getting close to her.
It’s quite a confusing concept, because we deem it the biggest sign of trust and closeness when a man decides to shed a tear in front of us.
Even though crying should be a normal thing, we still think that it’s something so special when a man does it.
That’s why I was so confused by what it means for a man to be close to someone.
I want to believe that they also remember each other’s birthdays, that they remember their best friend’s favorite chocolate, and so on.
But that doesn’t happen and it’s so sad. For that same reason, it’s so hard to find a boyfriend who knows what closeness feels like.
I’m talking about real closeness, a true connection, the love you have for that person.
That same closeness takes effort and time to be visible in just the right way.
I don’t want a man who has no idea what it means to be close to someone.
If he thinks that forgetting my birthday is cute, I don’t want to see him again. If he thinks that closeness means physical intimacy, I don’t want him.
I want a man who knows what true closeness feels like. I want him to be able to be vulnerable with me, just like I’m vulnerable with him.
There’s no reason to believe that we have the same concept of closeness and intimacy, but we can work on that.
I am more than ready to work on these things with a man who wants to put effort into this.
I don’t want the father of my future children to come up with the season in which they were born instead of knowing their exact birthdate.
It may seem like a trivial little thing to many of you, but think about it. You know these important little details about the people you’re close to.
Just look at female friendships and male friendships. How much closer we are to our friends – look at the difference.
I really don’t want to be with a man who doesn’t know how to be close to someone.
I want him to show me his emotions and his vulnerability.
There’s no reason for him to doubt my intentions, because I have let him into my life to show him that he can be loved.
No one deserves to keep an emotional distance from people for the rest of their life. So here I am, putting it out into the world.
If the next man I let into my life thinks that closeness is only defined by physical touch, we’re going to have a problem.
Touch is amazing, but have you ever felt closeness by talking to someone?
If not, let me show you how amazing conversations and random bits of information can be.
Let’s learn everything about each other and revel in this new information!
Let’s read each other’s thoughts just by looking at each other and let’s melt under the intense gazes we give each other.
That’s exactly what closeness feels like.