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I Don’t Miss Him, I Miss How Happy I Was While I Was With Him

I Don’t Miss Him, I Miss How Happy I Was While I Was With Him

A couple of nights ago, my best friend asked me if I still miss my ex. This question took me by surprise and I needed few minutes before giving her an answer.

Like a flashback, all of the memories came back to me and I realized how happy I was. Still, I never appreciated the constant smile on my face because I had no idea that it would one day be gone.

I was holding his hand, thinking, “This is my safe place.” I had a habit of falling asleep in his arms, to the sound of his heartbeat. And he always knew how to surprise me and show me that I was the only woman in his life.

Then at one point, we went separate ways and our relationship fell apart.

Some time has passed, but people still ask me how I’m doing and if I got over him.

Maybe because they know how much we loved each other. Maybe because they saw how happy we were.

I guess we were one of those couples that were supposed to get their happy ending. We were supposed to have our big wedding with all our friends and family celebrating with us.

I guess that’s what everyone thought, so it came as a shock when we broke up. When we replaced the love we shared with quick blank glances whenever we accidentally saw each other.

Even though it’s been some time, I still have no idea how to reply to their questions.

Yes, he made me happy. He truly did. I was my whole self when I was with him.

Kind, caring and loving, he always knew what to say to cheer me up. His presence made everything better and I was actually happy with the way things were going.

But, at some point, a shift in paths happened and we started going different ways. His values started to differ from mine and we weren’t the same perfect match as before.
DONE! I Don't Miss Him, I Miss How Happy I Was While I Was With Him

We sensed that the end was coming and that our relationship was about to fall apart. We saw it coming, but we still pretended that nothing had changed.

Then ultimately, it all got too much and we decided that the best thing to do was split up.

“Maybe it’s time to go our separate ways.”

The breakup hurt, I’m not going to lie.

When you’re used to sharing absolutely everything with one person, the moment they’re gone changes you. You realize that you no longer know who you are.

You have to start all over again, learn about yourself from the beginning and explore the depths of your own mind.

So, I tried to do that. I gave myself a fresh start and began rewriting my own future.

I’ve gotten used to living on my own, without him by my side. I’ve established my own routine in this new life that I’m trying to create for myself.

But still, whenever someone asks me if I’m happy and if I miss him, I stutter before giving them an answer.
DONE! I Don't Miss Him, I Miss How Happy I Was While I Was With Him

The actual truth is that I don’t miss him. I really don’t.

I know that this was the best thing for both of us because we got so used to each other. We were together out of convenience because we were used to each other. And that’s not something you can call true love.

So, when I tell you that I don’t miss him in particular, I’m telling you the truth.

But honestly, I miss the feelings he gave me when he was around. I miss being happy the way I was when we were together.

I miss the way he warmed my heart. How he held me in his arms and refused to let go. How I rushed back home because I knew that he was waiting for me.

I miss all those emotions I felt from the moment I met him to the moment where we actually fell in love with each other.

He was my safe zone. And I got used to that.

But now that he’s gone, I need to get used to different things. I need to realize that I’m now on my own. I’m my own best friend and my own safe harbor.

And even though I still miss all those feelings he evoked in me, I know that he’s not the only man in the world. I know that sooner or later, the right one will come and everything will be the way it was, maybe even better.

Yes, I thought that we were meant to be, but sometimes you don’t learn that people aren’t right for you until they walk out of your life. You don’t know that you can live without them until they’re gone.
DONE! I Don't Miss Him, I Miss How Happy I Was While I Was With Him

And I guess that’s exactly what happened between the two of us.

We thought that we were the best match for each other, but the universe showed us otherwise. And once we went our separate ways, we realized that maybe it’s for the best for both of us.

Maybe it was actually meant to be like this from the beginning.

I’ll never forget him – that’s a fact. He made me who I’m today and I’m forever grateful to him for that.

He taught me what it means when someone loves you unconditionally, with no hidden motives. If it wasn’t for him, I would’ve never known what it means to be in love for the first time.

Because that’s what he was – my first love. And he’ll always have that special place in my heart.

But that’s all he was supposed to be. No, he wasn’t meant to be my last love as well. There will be many more chapters in my life before I get to that one.

I’m glad that I met him and that he taught me something no one else could.

So from now on, whenever someone asks me if I miss him, I’ll give him this reply. The one that describes it all:

No, I don’t miss him. I just miss that feeling of happiness I had when I was with him. That’s all.

I Don't Miss Him, I Miss How Happy I Was While I Was With Him

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