It seemed like there were no other men once you appeared in my life. I couldn’t take my eyes off you.
You were special, kind, and funny. You made me feel like I was sixteen again, falling hard for a crush even though I had no idea if he liked me.
Magically, you pulled me into your world and I couldn’t run away from you.
I fell for you hard. The only things I saw were your eyes and your contagious smile.
I wasn’t ready to love. I had just gone through a breakup, so I made a promise to myself that I would dedicate some time to healing.
“It was time to put me as a priority.” (At least, that’s what I said.)
But I couldn’t resist you. I couldn’t stand the chance that I could lose you.
You seemed perfect in every sense of that word. So, I chose to love you.
I chose to fall for you, even though it wasn’t part of my plan.
I crossed out everything I intended to do and wrote down your name in big letters.
You seemed different from all the other guys. There was something special in your eyes that made me feel calm when I looked at them.
They were like a lullaby for my heart and my soul.
When I was with you, everything felt at peace. I felt like I was in a safe harbor where no one else was allowed to be.
Because of that, I decided to trust you. You made me feel enough and that’s what I needed at that time.
You showed me what words of support sounded like and how it felt to be my real self around other people.
I chose to love you and I finally felt happy!
But good things don’t last forever and you made me realize that. Instead of choosing love, what did you choose?
Well, you didn’t choose to be there, for sure. You didn’t like the idea of sticking with me through thick and thin, that wasn’t a part of your plan.
You didn’t choose to be serious with me either. Instead, you chose to play with my feelings and let me think that no one would ever truly love me.
I was just a game that you would put aside when you got bored.
You didn’t choose to help me rebuild myself from pieces that others had left behind. Instead, you chose to ruin me even more.
After you, I felt like a million-piece-puzzle that no one would ever be able to assemble.
I guess that it was fun to look at me while I was falling apart because you decided to play with my feelings.
Once again, I had stumbled upon someone who liked to see me hurt.
You were no different from those guys before you. Instead, you were the same as them.
YOU CHOSE TO HURT ME!
But this time it was different. I had been hurt before so I knew how it felt.
However, I had never experienced anything similar to the pain you made me feel.
No one had ever hurt me like you. It’s like you pulled every piece of hope out of me and you let me drown in my sadness.
You walked away like I was an object that you accidentally broke and hid under the table.
There were no consequences for you, as I was just a casualty.
You hurt me by not even turning around to see how I was doing. I guess you didn’t care.
Actually, you never cared but you only pretended to in order to win that dirty little game you were playing.
“How fast can I win her heart and then let her suffer in silence?”
Was that the name of your game? Is that what you wanted to achieve?
To get my attention, to have me fall head over heels and then leave like nothing ever happened.
All those sweet words of, “I love you,” and all those hugs that put life back into me were just a part of your plan.
They were never real. You used them to manipulate me, and then you disappeared.
All those plans you had for our future…
How could you pretend that they were honest? They sounded so genuine.
You gave names to our future kids, you had a plan of how our dream house would look… But it was all fake.
When I think about it more, it was you who was fake. You pretended the whole time and you knew that I would fall for everything you said.
I was emotionally drained and hurt from all of the previous bad relationships and you used that against me.
You knew what I needed the most – love, support, and stability.
So, you made sure to give me all of that to win my heart.
Once you achieved it, I wasn’t good enough anymore so you simply walked away, like I never meant anything to you.
I chose to love you and you chose to hurt me. You made the scars on my heart deeper than they were before and you casually moved on with your life.
I was just a fool who trusted you, thinking that you were not like those before you.
You were different, at least that’s what I thought, but you convinced me that there was nothing different in you.
Just like those before who crushed my heart to pieces, you did the same thing.
You turned rainbows into storms, sun into darkness, and stars into rain.
You hurt me more than I could ever hurt my greatest enemy! That’s how terrible it felt.
Over and over again, I questioned myself.
Was it my fault? Did I make a mistake? Did I do something wrong?
But then I realized that I was the one who gave you love while you were the one who gave me pain.
Nothing was my fault (except the fact that I trusted you).
Everything else was caused by you – the pain, the suffering, and the sadness. I blame it all on you!
When I chose to love you, you chose to hurt me and that is okay. It is part of your reality and your conscience will have to live with that.
My conscience is clear as I never did anything that could hurt your feelings. You chose the other way and I wish you luck with that.
But please, don’t come back to me when you start having trouble sleeping because your mind is thinking about me.
I can’t welcome you back into my life as the damage is already done.
You chose to hurt me. Now, you need to live with your choices.