If you’re reading this, chances are that you’ve been played more than once in your life. And now you’re wondering how to tell if a guy is a player so you can save yourself the heartbreak.
However, luckily for you, not all good-looking men are players. It’s all about recognizing those red flags that differentiate Prince Charming from a guy who just uses his smooth talk to get what he wants from you.
And yes, that usually includes playing a few mind games to achieve his goal of getting you into bed, then leaving you the next morning.
It’s especially hard to recognize a player if you’ve just met the guy. That’s because most of us want to present ourselves in the best light possible during the early stages of dating.
And by doing that, we strip ourselves from the chance to meet the right person who’ll accept our flaws from the very beginning.
But what is a player? Well, it’s an immature guy who’s afraid to commit to another person.
For the most part, you can’t change him because he doesn’t want a serious relationship.
Instead, he engages in hookups and short-term relationships to satisfy his needs.
The problem is that you never know who he truly is. The way he presents himself to you for the first time is just the tip of the iceberg.
Underneath all that silky smooth talk hides an immature and insecure guy who’s afraid to openly express his feelings.
I’m not saying that all guys are like this. Trust me, there are good guys out there.
But finding them can prove to be a really difficult task or almost impossible for some women.
So, how to tell if a guy is a player? Luckily for you, there are warning signs that can help you avoid falling into a trap of a player.
But is he a player or is he serious?
The truth is, no one wants to date a player. A guy who twists you around his little finger.
I get it. Most of you are terrified of being used by a man. And you might think there isn’t a whole lot of good guys out there. But that’s not true.
That’s not a very healthy way of thinking. You should be open-minded when you start a new relationship.
Don’t let your negative thoughts influence your future just because you had one bad experience with a guy.
Fortunately, very few men are truly bad and are actually real players.
In fact, I genuinely resent the word “player” because it suggests that love is just a game when it’s not.
However, I don’t want to mislead you and tell you that the problem doesn’t exist when it does. It’s not always sunshine and rainbows.
Every girl has dealt with a player at least once in her life. But a guy like this teaches you to appreciate the nice guy more once he comes into your life.
So, how to tell if a guy is a player and just looking for a hookup? Well, here are the signs:
1. He’s a smooth talker (maybe too smooth)
The simple truth is that every woman on this planet is attracted to a guy who exudes confidence and is self-assured.
A guy who knows what he wants in life and isn’t afraid to take risks to achieve his goals and dreams. We all strive to be like that.
It’s one of the most attractive features that any guy can have.
And almost every woman will be swept away by a man who shows her that he isn’t afraid to take risks to win her heart.
Women are naturally drawn to men who know what they’re doing.
On the other hand, this is one of the biggest traps that you can fall into if you’re a woman.
Eventually, you’ll end up meeting a guy who is very skillful when it comes to dating and has his ways of getting underneath your skin.
And you don’t need a relationship expert to say it to you, but if you recognize some of these signs that I’m going to list here, then you should run for the hills and save yourself from the pain and misery that you’ll feel afterward.
You don’t have any idea what a player’s true intentions are in the beginning.
You see, the worst thing about them is that they’re astonishingly charming and charismatic.
This doesn’t mean that every single guy you meet who’s charming and great is a jerk, that’s just not true.
But if a guy is a really silky-smooth talker and if he seems too good to be true from the day you met him, then that’s a red flag and you should keep your eyes wide open.
A player’s phone is sacred to him. Everything he does revolves around his phone.
After all, how would he keep in contact with all those women if he didn’t have his phone on him at all times?
Want to know how to tell if a guy is a player? Well, this one’s a big telltale sign and my dating advice to you is to back away from him as soon as possible.
Maybe you’re okay with him multi-dating when you two first start going out.
Maybe you’re seeing other people too because you’re not sure if something serious will happen between the two of you.
In that case, it’s okay that he guards his phone like a dog guards its bone.
But the problem is when he becomes hostile if you touch his phone while he’s away for a quick break or leaves his phone on the table for a couple of minutes.
And if he tells you that he’s not seeing anyone else besides you and makes direct eye contact while telling you that sweet little lie, then that’s a clear sign you’re not the only fish in the sea for him.
If you’re still unsure if he’s a player or not, think about how you behave when you two meet up for a cup of coffee?
Do you both use your phone all the time?
If his behavior is different, then maybe he doesn’t want anything serious with you.
3. He has night owl tendencies
Every woman likes to get a good morning and a good night text from the guy she likes.
The thing is, you’ll get them from a guy who knows he should show you that he’s thinking of you by sending you those text messages.
However, a guy who’s intention is to use you as a bed warmer will typically send you good night texts and that’s it.
The reason for this is that players only operate at night.
They’re night owls. They’ll send you those cute, sweet good night texts but won’t have the decency to ask about your day.
They won’t send you those awesome last-minute texts before they leave for work nor will they be free to hang out with you during the day.
On the other hand, players will be more than happy to swing by in the evening when they finally have time for you.
Another thing you should keep in mind is that players usually are the last ones to leave at the bars because that’s how late-night hookups happen.
How to tell if a guy is a player? Just watch out for these little things that separate a player from a nice guy and you should be safe.
4. He calls all of his exes “crazy”
Well, you should take this with a grain of salt. It’s more likely that they were normal girls who he used and then ditched as if nothing happened.
They may have had a perfectly normal relationship or the girl might have been controlling or clingy, but if they were all “psycho” according to what he says to you, then it’s worth considering that he may be a player.
You can try to find out if he’s telling the truth or if it’s just his narrative, but either way, you know that something shady is going on. Trust your gut.
The truth is, some players choose to completely reject their ex-partners and prefer not to go into detail about them because it’s easier than confessing what really happened between them.
They live in denial and never truly heal from heartbreak. On top of that, it gives them a good excuse to keep things casual, which really suits them.
5. He flirts a lot with other girls
Let’s say your player has labeled your relationship and said you were official, but do you honestly believe he’s faithful to you?
And yes, you never caught him red-handed, but your gut is telling you that you’re not the only girl he’s sweet-talking.
Keep in mind that being faithful to your partner is more than not being physically intimate with another person.
There are other things that count as cheating besides physical contact. And it’s always a choice and not a mistake.
Maybe your player said to you that he’s still friends with most of his exes, or maybe he’s being too “friendly” to the waitress when you’re on a date.
Those things also count as cheating.
The tricky thing is, you can’t be certain if he’s flirting with them or just being just nice and that’s all.
But you know you can’t trust him if he refuses to uninstall the dating apps he used before you two made your relationship official.
Pay close attention to his body language and to his eyes. Does he check out other girls and make eye contact with them even when you’re around him?
If so, then you sure don’t need a relationship coach to tell you he’s a player and you have to stay away from the guy.
6. He makes zero effort
So, here’s how to tell if a guy is a player.
If you’ve just started dating this guy and he’s really not making any actual effort to make you feel special and loved, then you know he’s not being real with you.
He is almost certainly playing the field. And it’s time to back away from him.
He might like you enough to spend a couple of hours with you or he may stick around with you until problems start to pile up.
A lot of players stay with their partner until things get boring for them or until you confront them for not making an actual effort in the relationship.
He may hide his thoughts from you and tell you he isn’t bothered about certain things, but you see that’s not true from his behavior.
Maybe he doesn’t make an effort to send a good morning message and sometimes that’s normal.
Sometimes work gets in the way and you don’t have time to send a message to your partner in the morning chase.
But if it becomes a habit and he’s making you feel like he doesn’t care about you, then he might be stringing you along for his convenience.
7. He regularly gets hate texts from his exes
This is a big one. You should always pay close attention to this sign as it tells you a lot about a guy.
If his phone buzzes in the middle of the night for no particular reason or he gets hate messages from his “crazy” ex-girlfriends on a regular basis, then you might want to consider confronting him about it.
You can always directly ask him what’s going on, and if you do, pay close attention to his reaction.
Does he freak out or does he explain in a calm and relaxing tone?
And let’s be honest, you don’t know much about this guy’s dating history, so you can’t be sure he’s telling you the truth when he says they’re all “psycho” and “nutty.”
My advice is to be cautious and trust your gut.
8. He’s shady
If a guy behaves shady and constantly lies about stuff, then you can with almost certainty tell the guy is a player.
When you come to think about it, you know very few things about this man you started dating a couple of weeks ago and nothing about his past.
It’s okay to keep some things private at the beginning, but if this guy intentionally hides details about his love life from you and you caught him lying to you more than once, then you should definitely consider whether he’s worth your time.
For instance, when the two of you two are together, he’s constantly on his phone and hiding the screen from you, so you don’t catch him in his lies.
If he’s being shady and dishonest about certain things then you should confront him about it and let him know you don’t want that in a relationship.
So if you’re wondering how to tell if a guy is a player, ask yourself this:
Does he follow a lot of unfamiliar girls on his social media? Does he run off to somewhere out of earshot when someone calls him on his phone?
9. He makes you feel insecure around other women
A real man makes you feel loved, attractive, beautiful. But this is no real man.
If you suddenly feel insecure and self-conscious when the two of you are around other women, maybe he’s the one responsible for making you feel that way.
Maybe the way he behaves when he’s with you and other women decreases your self-esteem and makes you unsure of yourself.
If you see him giving more attention to other women than he’s giving you, or making eyes at them instead of you, then he’s messing you around.
You shouldn’t be with a guy who cripples your self-esteem and makes you wonder if you’re worthy of being loved.
That’s not what real love is about.
10. He lacks any real emotions
Do you sometimes find yourself wondering if this guy even has genuine feelings or if he’s just really good at hiding them from you?
After all, he’s a human being just like the rest of us, so he must have emotions, right?
Well, if he lacks emotion or doesn’t want you to know how he feels about you, then maybe he’s a player and not a nice guy after all.
Players usually have a hard time showing their emotional side to anyone.
He’s not going to talk about taking your relationship to the next level when he can keep playing the field.
The only thing that he’s keen on is hooking up with other girls and that’s it.
So, if you’re dating a guy who lacks emotions, chances are he’s a player. Trust me, he’s not a scientific anomaly.
He’s just very good at hiding his feelings and making sure you don’t see his vulnerable side.
11. His reputation precedes him
It’s true that some people get an unfair reputation, but if most of your friends have told you he’s a player and that you should stay away from him – listen to them!
I know it can be hard to hear, especially if you’ve been dating for a couple of weeks and have developed feelings for the guy, but he’s not worth your time or effort if what your friends say about him is true.
If you’re really hesitant to believe what other people say about him, then at least keep their words in mind if he starts showing other signs of being a player.
Maybe they’re rumors that some of his exes made up, but it also could be an obvious indicator that things might go south in the near future.
12. His words and actions don’t match
Do you keep making excuses for him, saying that he deserves a second chance since he’s charming and sweet?
If his words don’t match his actions, though, then you’re in a pickle.
When you first met this guy, he was a charming and awesome dude who sold you a lot of half-promises and told you a lot of lies, which you of course fell for.
But after some time, you’ve started noticing that his words don’t match his actions.
By now, he’s got under your skin with his manipulative lies and deception. He’s already inside your heart.
Trust me, some players don’t have a problem telling you they honestly love you, miss you, and how they could never see themselves with another girl ever again.
But the bitter truth is he doesn’t feel love the same way you do. He doesn’t want to give you his affection or attention, he’s just giving you lip service.
He’s only telling you about it just so he can get what he wants from you in bed and that’s it.
He’ll never fulfill any of his promises. He’ll never make an effort to change things between the two of you.
You don’t need any other proof to see that he’s just a player who’s going to call you only when it suits him and eventually break your heart.
13. He never puts you first
This is an obvious sign the guy you’re dating is just playing you and means nothing serious with you.
If a guy makes you feel like you’re his second choice and that you don’t deserve a place in his life, then take that as a clear indicator he’s playing with your heart and leave him.
For him, everything and everyone is more important than you and it’s going to stay that way because that’s how he wants it.
He’s always busy if you call him saying that you need him. He doesn’t prioritize you and he never will.
In fact, you’re his safety net. He only calls you when he needs you.
To wrap up…
So, how to tell if a guy is a player?
Well, any or all of these signs can indicate you’re dating a player, but the only thing that matters is how you feel about your situation with him.
My advice to you is to never wait for a guy to change or eventually fall in love with you. Walk away – there are other guys who’ll make you feel loved.
And if you date the wrong guy, you’re not making room for yourself to meet your real Prince Charming.