If you think that a breakup is the worst thing that could happen, you’re wrong, because ghosting after a serious relationship hurts even more than the breakup itself.
Getting ghosted is even worse than hearing the person you love tell you that they don’t love you anymore.
Why? Well, it’s because you don’t get a single explanation for being ghosted in the relationship.
I was in a relationship with my ex for more than three long years, and he ghosted me in the end.
I’m telling you this because you need to know that ghosting after a long relationship happens to a lot of us, but it doesn’t say anything about you.
It says a lot about the person you loved instead because they didn’t have the decency to break up with you like a human being and give you an explanation.
When he ghosted me, I felt like I wasn’t worthy of an explanation, so if you feel the same way, please know that you are worthy of one.
Getting ghosted says nothing about your worth, and you should never think badly about yourself because of it.
The person who did that to you, however, is not only selfish but self-absorbed and has very poor moral values.
The fact that they didn’t treat you the way they should have is not your fault, it’s theirs, so please don’t blame yourself for being ghosted in a relationship.
If you don’t have any experience of this terrible way of ending things with someone, let me explain what ghosting after a serious relationship really means.
Getting ghosted means that someone who was a part of your life suddenly disappeared from it without any warning.
They cut off all contact and never gave you any explanations.
Even though ghosting after a relationship is something we only recently gave a name to, it happened before just as much as it does today.
It’s a terrible, cowardly way to break up with someone, and it’s a very serious injustice when it happens after a long relationship.
Why do people still do it then? A person who does this sort of thing is not a strong person, but a very cowardly one who is scared of confrontation.
They don’t have the guts to tell you the truth, so they simply disappear into thin air, leaving you to figure it out on your own.
This shows a huge lack of respect, and they often don’t have any sympathy for others and have very poor ethics.
They want to avoid a situation that could be uncomfortable, and it’s all because they started seeing you differently or started feeling smothered.
Do they feel anything while doing such an awful thing? The truth is, they don’t have to be a bad person to do this, since most people aren’t.
They feel shame and guilt for thinking about ghosting after a serious relationship, at least at first.
Of course, they will first think about confronting their partner and aren’t sure that ghosting them is okay but they decide to do it anyway.
They will feel bad about it and they will question their decision but in the end, they let their negative feelings overwhelm them, so they try to run away from the problem.
They associate those negative feelings with the person they’re about to ghost, and after they’ve done it, they don’t feel good about it.
However, they don’t feel bad enough to contact the person and apologize.
The truth is, they consider their happiness more important than that of the person they’ve hurt, so they convince themselves that what they did was necessary for them to be happy.
This doesn’t mean that they are proud of what they did, but they do believe that it was the right choice.
The world would be a better place if they only realized how disrespectful, hurtful, confusing, and unfair it really is.
Where did this avoidant personality trait come from anyway?
The root of the problem that ghosters have is in their childhood, like with so many other problems.
They were taught by their parents that they can run away from a problem, as well as that abandoning others is okay.
Of course, their parents didn’t mean to teach them that, but the way they handled things affected their child.
Our parents are the ones who show us what’s right and what’s wrong, unknowingly creating behavior patterns that we will have in the future.
Now that you know this, don’t be angry at the ghoster, because their childhood is what led them to become who they are.
That’s not an excuse for their behavior, but you need to be the bigger person and try to understand them.
There is no excuse for something as terrible as ghosting after a serious relationship, but understanding it will help you deal with it if it happens to you.
Let’s not run from the facts, though.
Whether the ghoster was in a long-term relationship with the person they ghosted, or they knew each other only for a little while, it’s inexcusable behavior.
It doesn’t even matter if they stopped getting along with their partner because there’s always another way to break up besides disappearing on the person who loves you.
When you intend to break up with someone, you can’t think only about yourself.
You have to think about the person whose heart you’re about to break.
What happens to the person who gets ghosted? Ghosting leaves a person confused and hurts their self-esteem as well as their feelings.
It leaves them without closure and without any answers, makes them believe that what happened was their fault, and causes trust issues.
All they can think about is why the person they love has suddenly left without giving them an explanation.
They need one, so they think about everything that happened during that relationship, searching for one.
Getting ghosted also makes them think that they must have done something wrong, so they become obsessed with finding the answers.
Think about this before you consider ghosting someone who loves you.
I loved my ex, and when he ghosted me, I tortured myself for a long time, trying to figure out what was wrong with me, since I thought that something about me had to make him do what he did. It didn’t.
Don’t ever think that, because the ghoster is the one with the problem, not the person who got ghosted.
When someone ghosts you, you can’t stop yourself from overanalyzing their actions until it drives you crazy, but you shouldn’t.
That is a self-destructive thing to do, and if someone has ghosted you, you need to make it easier for yourself to move on.
No matter how much it hurts, don’t waste your time searching for the answers you’re never going to find.
Try to stay strong and take care of yourself.
You should know that it’s perfectly okay to give yourself some time to grieve.
Cry when you need to and release the pain, but don’t try to find out any answers from the person who ghosted you.
I know that you think you need to talk to them to finally get some closure, but you don’t. You can get back to the way you were before without their help.
The way they perceive you has changed, or they simply never really knew you.
They didn’t leave you because of you, but because they weren’t capable of handling a relationship with you.
Don’t waste your time obsessing about their reasons and don’t contact them ever again.
Instead, keep your mind occupied. Stay busy, socialize, and focus on finding new activities you can try or go back to your old ones.
Day by day, you will start thinking less and less about your ex, and one day, you’ll finally get over them.
Of course, you’ll experience some setbacks in the meantime and occasionally feel very nostalgic.
You’ll wonder how come it was so easy for them to leave you and not think about how it would make you feel.
This is only natural, but you can’t let nostalgia get the best of you.
Keep in mind that it’s all a part of getting over someone, and trust me, you will get over them and those nostalgic thoughts will start being less and less frequent as time goes by.
You have every right to question the morality of the person who ghosted you, so do it if it feels good, but don’t ever contact them again.
When my ex ghosted me, my whole world came crashing down.
It hurt so badly that I couldn’t do anything except wonder why he did that and what I did to deserve it.
Since this change happened so suddenly, I went over what happened in the period just before it, over and over again, searching for any mistakes I may have made.
A lot of time passed before I finally found out that he had feelings for someone else, which made me blame myself and think that I wasn’t good enough for my ex.
Getting over him was the hardest thing I had to do, and it didn’t happen fast, but after a while, I finally realized that it wasn’t my fault that he ghosted me.
What he did had nothing to do with me, and he’s the one who’ll have to live with it for the rest of his life.
Maybe he won’t ever regret doing it, and even thinks that it wasn’t wrong that he did, but I don’t care anymore.
He is not a part of my life any longer, and I’ll never let him be a part of my life ever again, so why does it matter?
I don’t know whether he feels guilty and cares or not, but it really isn’t important, since his apology isn’t going to make up for what he did to me.
It’s not a precondition for my happiness. Even if he did apologize, he would do so only if he felt guilty, and it wouldn’t change anything.
If you have been ghosted too, don’t wait for the person who ghosted you to make everything right again, because it can’t be done.
Don’t waste your time hoping they will help you when they are only interested in helping themselves.
They emotionally abused you in a passive-aggressive way by ghosting you, and they are probably a narcissist.
This is not something you need to take my word for, because many psychologists say the same.
Ghosting is an abrupt way of ending a relationship, abrupt as it possibly can be, and realizing that someone you love has disappeared on you is worse than breaking up in a different way.
All you are left with are the memories of the time you thought everything was fine, so you go through all those pictures, texts, and gifts, searching for clues that something was wrong.
How can someone who made you feel so special end up making you feel so insignificant?
Everyone deals with being ghosted differently, and some heal sooner than others, but the pain is very real either way.
If you are one of those who needs a lot of time to find a way to process this, don’t let your nostalgia trick you into romanticizing your ex and the relationship you had. Don’t get sentimental about them.
It could only make everything even harder for you, and the pain will be even greater.
Keep in mind that your ex turned out to be someone other than who you thought they were, so don’t think about the memories you had and idealize them.
The breakup could make you think that your ex is perfect, but remind yourself of their flaws. Would a perfect person end things with you the way they did?
Someone who loves you would never ghost you, and they wouldn’t leave you in any other way either.
They would talk to you and try to make things work because you never give up on someone you love.
So, what now?
How can you get over your ex? Don’t expect to get over being ghosted in a short period of time, especially if you were in a relationship for a long time.
Forgiving the person who ghosted you and finally moving on will take time, and it’s not a process that can be rushed.
I know it’s a cliché, but it’s true that time heals all wounds.
You will need time to heal, so process all this at your own pace. Don’t think that you can just schedule a date for when you’ll stop thinking about your ex.
Every day, you’ll think less and less about him until you completely move on, but you can’t decide when that is going to happen.
It has to happen naturally and with time. Don’t focus on what went wrong; focus on moving on.
Let me remind you once again that you will have questions that will probably never be answered.
You’ll wonder if you offended your ex somehow, if you deserve what happened, or if were you too needy or demanding.
Obsessing about it and trying to find out what caused them to ghost you will become your new hobby.
All this is completely normal, but try to do it as little as possible.
Here are a few things that you can do to survive being ghosted:
1. Leave it to karma
Naturally, you will feel angry, betrayed, confused, and lost.
You will start thinking about getting revenge, since your ex hurt you so badly, but don’t. Leave it to karma.
You are not like your ex, and you don’t need to lower yourself to their level.
Unlike them, you have moral values, and if you seek revenge, you will only feel guilty in the end.
Focus on healing yourself and leave it to karma. As far as you know, your ex’s new partner could ghost them eventually, so they’ll know how it feels.
Maybe your ex will even try to come back at some point, and you’ll have the pleasure of telling them that you are not insane enough to let them come back into your life after leaving it that way.
2. Remember that it’s not your fault
Only your ex knows the reason why they did what they did, but a valid one couldn’t possibly exist.
Whenever you catch yourself thinking that you did something to cause that, remind yourself that you shouldn’t blame yourself.
Ghosting you says something about them, not about you. It says what kind of person your ex is and what they do when there’s a problem.
Keep in mind that they were just with the wrong person, and there was nothing you could have done to change that fact.
3. Take care of yourself
Your ex didn’t take into consideration how you would feel; they thought only of themselves. Now it’s your turn to think only of yourself.
Take care of yourself and help yourself recover by focusing on you and doing whatever you can to make yourself happy.
4. Realize that it’s really over
Don’t hope that your ex will come back and beg you for forgiveness because it could only make things harder for you.
You need to realize that it’s really over so you can move on.
Your ex has shown themselves for who they really are, and that’s not a person you want to be with anyway.
You will find the right person for you, and they will treat you the way you deserve.
First, you need to lose all hope that your ex is coming back. Even if they apologize, would it really change anything?
Would you really take back someone who hurt you so badly even if they begged you to? You definitely shouldn’t.
5. Let your friends and family help you
Let those close to you know about what you’re going through, and let them give you the support and advice you need to get through this.
They will remind you that there are still people who love you, and they will help you realize that you were with the wrong person.
You will feel better after talking about it, so you’ll move on faster.
6. Use this time for personal development
This pain you’re going through will make you very aware of your flaws.
Some of the things you’ll think are your shortcomings maybe even aren’t, but you will notice it all.
Don’t think that these things are what make you unlovable because they are a part of you, and someone will love you for everything that you are, including your flaws.
Till then, if something about you bothers you, work on changing it. This is the perfect opportunity for you to improve yourself.
Use this time for personal development, and you’ll start feeling better about yourself.
7. Make yourself happy
Occupy your mind by doing things that make you happy.
Go out with friends, pick up a new hobby, pamper yourself, and do everything that makes you smile.
You will still feel sad sometimes, but you won’t have that much time for it, and you’ll be reminded that being ghosted is not the end of the world. If anything, it’s a chance to start afresh.
Change your hairstyle and help yourself feel desirable again.
The most important thing is to make sure that you don’t have too much time to wallow in self-pity.
8. Give yourself a chance for closure
Your ex denied you the closure that you would have normally have after a breakup, but that doesn’t mean you can’t find some.
Start writing a journal, and write down all your thoughts and feelings.
With time, you’ll see the progress you’ve made, and one day, when you look back on what you wrote, you’ll find closure.
9. Know that it will be different with your next partner
Your ex ghosted you, and you are now convinced that everyone else you ever date will do the same, but it isn’t true.
Don’t let yourself have trust issues because of this.
When you meet someone new, give them a chance to show you that they are different from your ex.
Trust them, and don’t let your fear prevent you from doing so.
10. See the good in everything
Everything has its bad sides and good sides, and if you make an effort to see the good sides of everything, you’ll have a happier life.
I told you my ex ghosted me, but do you know what happened later? I met an amazing man who helped me forget about it and love again.
If my ex hadn’t done what he did, I would never have met the man I’m crazy in love with now and he treats me better than my ex ever did.
How do you move on from the pain of it? It’s been like my worst nightmare come true… what kind of person could be so cruel? Why torture someone that way?
@Klm, I’m in the same place. 6 1/2 years with a man who was my best friend. We did everything together and our life was always so much fun. I have never met anyone who could make me laugh like he did. Did we have issues? Not really, but yes there were minor things that came up over 6 years but I would say you couldn’t even count them on one hand and we always worked through them(typically had to do with hurt feelings or disagreements over the kids). Everyone look at us and told us we were their “couples goals” and Yup our relationship was amazing and loving in everyday. after 6 years, everything with him felt as good as when we first met. Then one day, 3 weeks ago, he was gone. I reached out to him by text and no response and a week later I sent an email and it took him another week to respond. he sent a pdf document attached to an email just trashing me for things that had to do with my interactions with my adult children (small arguments that my daughters and I would work through); talking about how I “invite conflict” (so not me; however families have conflict then you communicate and resolve things) and finally how angry I always was (huh? this is so not the case… do I get angry? of course I do but it is rarely and again, it is typically a family issue that is resolved immediately through communication). My ghost went from incredibly loving one day to what felt like extreme hatred the next. he won’t discuss things with me and yet has never said “its over”. Im starting to feel as if it is a way of getting out because just maybe this man has never been honest with me and I believe he could have still been “looking” while we were together. But then who really knows. I just know that it is like you said “it is a worst nightmare… the worst in cruelty” by someone who seemed so in love. it is a form of cruelty and torture and only the worst of a human being could do this. I am 58 years old and feel as though 6 1/2 years of my life was wasted …. HUGS for you.
@Klm, have you looked into therapy? It took me years to get over my ex, he left me with a note right after I stopped worked from home. My father was in and out of the hosptial all year, I was stressed at work then suddenly this mad I spent every waking hour with up and left and used my past against me. He shut me out of his life, baited me into signing confessions basically and never had any intention of coming home no matter how many times he promised. He used eveything he claimed to always love about me and us together and turned it all upside down. He used my reaction to his extreme manipulation to say I was crazy, dangerous and that I would abuse him in the future and then he never looked at me again. It’s shocking to find out people like this exist. They can live with lies everyday and have you trained, they set a trap your whole relationship, or at least it’s always their backup plan. I know it hurts but it was never real to them, they can’t feel empathy or much of anything, they’re too wrapped up in their own misery or hiding it from the world. They are like damaged children, we were the toys they got tired of and wanted to break so no one could play with them again… they really are that selfish. They’ll use you in ways that don’t even make sense, try to transfer their pain onto you or just use it to fit into a group better.. that’s how little you mean to them.. less then anyone, any random stranger anyone from their past or present who will give them an ounce of attention will always be more important than your whole heart and your life.. don’t blame yourself for loving a broken little girl.