One of the worst things that you can experience is to miss someone. It leaves you with a pang in your stomach and takes over your every waking thought. So, how to stop missing someone you love?
First, you have to understand that people are by nature social creatures. Most of us crave some level of intimacy and companionship. We want to form a deep and meaningful bond with someone else.
And when that bond breaks, the only thing that’s left is loneliness. When you’re unable to see or speak to that special someone you deeply care about, their absence brings you pain.
Also, the lingering memories of your time together start to fill up the void you feel in your heart.
Many of us try to dull the pain by picking up the phone and calling the person they miss or dropping by for a visit. But the truth is, you can’t always reconnect with your loved one, and that can really do a devastating number on your mental health.
It doesn’t matter if it’s the death of a loved one or if you’re in a long-distance relationship, the sadness starts to build to the point where it overshadows every other aspect of your daily life.
Even if it’s a case of your best friend or significant other who left you with a broken heart, you still miss them because they meant a lot to you. And that’s when remembering only the good memories can be a really bad thing.
When you’re looking for a way to stop missing someone, it’s crucial that you find an approach that won’t have a negative impact on your well-being.
How to stop missing someone
Your emotional state needs your attention right now, and exercising is a great way to boost your endorphins.
Finding new friends and new hobbies as well as reconnecting with old friends is what you need to do for yourself and your mental health.
Have a phone call with the one person who understands you best whenever you’re feeling down. You can always keep in touch with phone calls and by using social media.
On the other hand, if you were in a toxic relationship, you might feel tempted to try short-term solutions such as going out and drinking. But alcohol should never be your way of escaping reality.
The first time you try to forget your toxic ex by drinking, you’ll probably drunk-dial him and feel even worse afterward.
The post-breakup period is tough and requires you to have a lot of patience and perseverance in your goal. That’s why you have to find a healthy way to forget about your toxic ex.
Meet new people or dance to your favorite playlist. Whatever it is that you do, keep yourself busy at all times, so you boost those endorphins that keep you happy and fulfilled.
You can even create a playlist that makes you feel stronger and listen to it every time you start missing your significant other.
The one person you cared for most, your loved one, is out of your life, and it’s time for you to learn how to not miss someone.
Why do you miss someone?
Each of us at one point has that one person we really miss.
This is where positive memories come in. Focus on the good memories that tie you to those people as these can significantly help you to stop missing someone.
Nostalgia can be very powerful and very difficult to get rid of.
Maybe you lost someone you love, your best friend moved to another city, or you lost a family member. Whatever the situation is in your case, when you miss that special someone, you’ll tend to have fond memories of them and of the time you spent together.
That’s what nostalgia does to you, it makes you remember only the positive memories. But the worst thing you can do is to start idealizing them, since there are also bad moments you experienced with that particular person.
If you’re trying to figure out how to stop missing your ex, understand that breakups are a common thing. A lot of people actually become happier after a breakup, but when it’s still raw and you feel the pain, it’s hard to see things clearly.
Before we get into the various ways to stop missing someone, first, you have to ask yourself a few questions and be honest with yourself.
1. Would you really be happier if they were here? Were you happy when they were?
Did you genuinely feel happy and fulfilled when they were with you? Look back on your relationship, but don’t let nostalgia cloud your vision.
Sure, remember all the times when you were happy, but don’t forget about the times you felt miserable. All relationships, romantic or otherwise, have their ups and downs and not everything was perfect in your relationship.
Ask yourself how you really felt most of the time? Did you feel appreciated, or were you taken for granted?
Remember everything from your relationship, and consider what things would really be like if it went on.
Would there be a lot of arguments that you never settled? Would you really be happier if they were here?
In most cases, you tend to be blinded by love and you start missing the person even if they aren’t missing you. The only thing you can think of is when you’re going to see them face-to-face and just hug them tightly so they won’t leave you again.
I could very well be that you’re only being nostalgic. You have to be real with yourself to know whether or not it’s really worth fighting for that person again.
2. Could you be happier without them?
Consider the possibilities now that they aren’t in your life anymore. Do you have more time for your friends and hobbies?
Is it possible that you’ll find someone else that you’ll love even more? It’s hard to be honest with these questions while your thoughts are clouded by the pain you’re feeling, but try as hard as you can to think clearly.
A lot of new opportunities have certainly opened up for you or they soon will.
Do you really think that any of the things that are going to happen could make you happy? When you think about it, you can’t be quite sure if you would be happier with them than alone.
One thing’s for sure. You won’t be joyful as long as you keep thinking that way. Let yourself find the good side to being without them.
3. Could this situation motivate you to work on yourself to become happier?
You are unhappy now, but could that unhappiness actually trigger thoughts?
You start thinking about what makes you heart beat faster and what you need to change in order to become happy.
When you’re making plans for your happiness, don’t look at what could have been, but what can be if you do something about it.
Maybe you can’t change the one who left you, but you can surely work on improving yourself. Journaling is a good way to figure out how to become better with each new day.
After all, it’s your thoughts that make you happy or unhappy. You’re a capable woman who can certainly learn how to eliminate those negative thoughts and deal with them.
What happened hurt your feelings, I understand that, but you’ve already taken the first step toward healing when you searched how to help yourself.
So, you’re already doing something about it. That’s a perfect example of how you’re capable of much more than you think, and who knows what else you’ll do to make yourself happy.
4. Would you’ve been unhappy if the relationship had continued?
Let’s take just a moment to think about all the what-ifs. What if you had stayed in a relationship with this person? What if you ignored your negative emotions and stayed with your toxic ex?
Is it possible that they would bore you, fight with you, or cheat on you?
Could it be that you would be unhappy if the relationship had continued?
When you’re happy with someone, you don’t think about what-ifs. You only focus on the present and how happy with them you are at that moment.
But just like any other relationship, you two had your fair share of problems that drove you away from each other. And those problems didn’t disappear. They stayed because you were never able to discuss them face-to-face.
5. Is it possible that you two have changed and are no longer compatible?
During the period when everything is great, we usually tend to ignore stuff that might annoy us. But as time passes, those things became more and more relevant to us.
Secretly we hope that our significant other might change since we love them so much, but that usually never happens. And if it does, it’s mostly for the worse.
Perhaps your lover changed, and the two of you aren’t compatible as you once were. You aren’t right for each other anymore.
This question is essential if you want to learn how to stop missing your ex and that’s why it’s important for you to be totally honest with yourself.
When you experience heartbreak, it’s tough to see the light at the end of the tunnel. But it’s there, you just have to be patient and gradually make your way toward it.
For you to learn how to stop missing someone, you have to be ready to embrace the past and then leave it where it belongs.
Remember, that once loving and caring boyfriend you had is no longer there. He’s not the same person anymore, so that’s why you have to keep him in the past.
6. Are you in love with that person?
Missing someone doesn’t always mean you lost them. You may be missing a person because you’re in love with them. You may not be able to go a day without hearing or seeing the person you have fallen in love with.
Your heart desires to see and touch them, and you want to spend every second of your life with them.
So, whenever they’re physically away from you, your heart longs for them. And the only way to stop feeling that way is to be with them.
That’s why missing someone you love with all of your heart is natural.
7. Do you admire their qualities?
When you admire certain qualities of a person, you subconsciously develop an emotional attachment to that particular person.
Perhaps you love the way they act in front of others, or you admire their communication skills or their physical qualities. For whatever reason you admire them, your only persistent thought is when you’re going to see them again.
And then when you stop seeing that person for a period of time, your heart and soul feel empty and you start to miss them.
8. Is the person always around you when you need them?
It’s in our nature to search for someone who’ll have our back, come hell or high water. And when you finally meet that person, you develop feelings and create a deep bond with them that’s really hard to ignore.
That’s why, whenever they’re not around you, you miss them, especially when you need them.
On top of that, it’s quite difficult knowing whether that the other person misses you too.
That’s when technology has its advantages. The person your heart desires is always a voice or video call away or you can send them a text saying “I miss talking to you.”
Words have a special way of resonating within us.
How to cope with missing someone
1. Think of all the things you didn’t like about him
Usually, when people start missing someone, they tend to think about the times they were happy with that person.
But there were certain things that you didn’t like about him, for example, when he’d never pick up his phone or reply to your messages.
Perhaps you need to remind yourself that it wasn’t always sunshine and rainbows with him, and that you were in fact unhappy with him for a long time.
2. Embrace your sadness, but don’t stay forever sad
It’s perfectly healthy to be sad when you miss someone who played a significant role in your life. But the problem comes in when you don’t pull yourself out of that state and end up depressed for a long time.
That’s why you should embrace your sadness, but don’t give it the chance to linger.
Ask your friends to join you in a movie marathon, so you can cry to those pathetic romantic movies you always hated. No one would blame you for that, trust me.
But after you’re done with that, wipe those tears away and put on a happy face. Don’t ever let sadness overtake your whole life.
3. Do the things you used to love doing
When we’re in a romantic relationship, we usually don’t have as much time as we used to for our things because we dedicate that time to our significant other.
And after breaking up with that person, suddenly you have too much time and you don’t know what to do with it.
Instead of focusing all your attention on a person who’s not part of your life anymore, use it to your advantage. Do things you used to love doing.
Perhaps you neglected your wishes while you were in a relationship, but now you have all the time in the world.
Maybe you liked painting, online shopping, or learning new languages. Whatever it was, start doing it again right now. It’s a good trick to help cope with missing someone.
4. Watch your favorite shows and movies
Your favorite movie might not heal all of your wounds, but it will sure take up some time that you would otherwise spend on missing someone.
One of the best ways to stop missing someone is to keep your mind occupied by redirecting your attention to something other than the person who left you.
So, instead of focusing on your ex, focus on your favorite actor who will surely cheer you up – if only for a couple of hours.
5. Hang out with your friends
The best way to not miss someone is to dedicate precious seconds of your life to the other people you love. Go to the movies or on a coffee date and get out at night.
Your friends are your best allies when it comes to stopping missing someone. If you and your partner recently broke up, the best way to get him out of your head is to let your friends help you.
Spending time with them is sure to cheer you up and stop thinking about him, at least for a little while. They’ll also remind you that you can be happy without him.
6. Hit the gym
Exercising is a great way to get rid of all that stress, and it might be your way to not miss someone.
Not only will it make you feel better, it definitely pays off. You can come out of this looking better than ever before, and you’ll feel that way too.
If you aren’t quite keen on visiting a gym, then go ahead and find some videos online and work out at home.
Still, don’t avoid the gym altogether. It’s an excellent place to meet new people and it will feel good being surrounded by others who also are working on achieving their goals.
7. Do some reading
This is an excellent time for you to pick up a book and escape from reality. And while you’re at it, why don’t you write something to yourself too?
There’s no harm in letting your emotions out on paper, even if you’re not a great writer. After all, you’re not writing it for anyone else to read, but just to get your thoughts out of your head and gain some clarity.
8. Host your friends
Why don’t you invite your friends over? When you’re the host, you need to clean your house, maybe cook something, and look beautiful.
These tasks will keep your mind and body occupied, and afterward, you’ll get to spend time with your friends.
It will certainly make you forget about the person who’s not part of your life anymore, and even if he’s still on your mind, you’ll have your friends right there to talk to them about it.
9. Video-chat with the person you miss
If you haven’t broken up with them but miss them for some other reason – for instance, if they moved away – you can still see them. All you need to do is schedule video chats.
Those who are in long-distance relationships rely heavily on modern technology as it’s their only way to see each other when they’re miles apart.
10. Do things that you didn’t do when you were together
Most people neglect their wishes and desires because they don’t want to start an argument with their partners.
It could be that you gave up on the things you love because there was always something “better” to do, or your significant other simply didn’t care for your wishes.
And now that they’re gone from your life, you can do whatever it is that you want.
If you love hiking in the mountains, but they hated the bugs, then hit that trail! Sometimes healing from a breakup involves you reminding yourself who you were before they entered your life.
11. When you have sad thoughts, replace them with happy ones
What if the person you love is not coming back?
That is when replacing negative thoughts with positive ones really makes a difference. Don’t let your sadness define you.
When you have a sad thought, remind yourself of something that brings you joy.
You can even write down happy things on pieces of paper and put them in a jar, then whenever you feel sad and start missing the person who left, take a piece of paper from the jar and read it.
12. Stop thinking about what they’re doing right now
Don’t worry about everything the other person is doing right now. You can’t let your jealousy get the best of you. Remember that you have your own life and they have theirs.
It’s important not to be preoccupied with imagining what they are doing or what could have been if you’d stayed together.
They deserve to be happy, and so do you. Because of that, don’t be jealous of their happiness. Instead, what you should do is to work on your own.
13. Watch their favorite movie
This also refers to those who are in a long-distance relationship.
When you miss someone, you want to feel as close to them as possible. And one way to achieve that is by watching their favorite movie.
You could also surprise them by reading their favorite book and talking over the phone about it with them the entire night.
14. Love yourself
The most important thing you need to learn from all this isn’t actually how to stop missing a person, but learning to love yourself.
When you miss someone so much, it’s not easy to remember all of your good qualities and sometimes you can’t even remember who you are without them.
That is why you need to relearn yourself – find out who you are when it’s just you and why you’re so amazing.
Learning to love yourself is the most important task you need complete when if you’re trying to stop missing someone. You were a whole person before you met this person, so rediscover yourself and make yourself feel whole again.
How to not miss someone
1. Feel your emotions
Whatever it is that you’re struggling with right now, you have to let yourself feel your emotions. It’s the first step toward not missing someone.
Often, when we feel down and sad, we try to find a way to escape those emotions. But the thing about those negative emotions is that they’ll never disappear completely. They’ll always be part of you.
So, instead of feeling them, a lot of time we try to brush it off, distract ourselves with whatever we can, and find solutions that are only temporary.
I’m not saying that’s not healthy, but as I mentioned before, those emotions won’t go away if they aren’t processed.
In order to let go, you have to experience those inner sensations and feel them properly without holding anything back. Otherwise, it won’t be long before you’re back in this state.
Unless you deal with your emotions in a proper way, they’ll keep coming back with a vengeance.
In many cases, though, people let these feelings take over their lives. But you can still dedicate some time to lose yourself in it.
Perhaps you tried seeing your friends and family as a solution to cope with missing someone, but allow yourself some time in the evening to let out anything that you were holding in.
Depending on the context of your situation, you might need more or less time to feel those emotions. And that’s completely fine.
Whatever you do, just don’t instantly look for short-term fixes.
Currently, you’re in a period of readjustment and you have the freedom to feel those feelings. Time heals all wounds.
2. Remember that good that will come out of this
This is your opportunity to embrace the good stuff. Use this time to binge on your favorite series, read your favorite books, spend time with your friends, and go traveling.
And if you really want to stop missing someone, think of all the possible good that will come out of the situation. At the very least, you’ve got an opportunity to redefine who you are and what you want in life.
Plus, when one door closes, another one always opens. Maybe not instantly, but it will.
If you’re trying to get over your ex, you should know that you broke up for a reason. That reason didn’t go away, and these good things and changes will help you realize that to stop missing him means to start a new life journey.
3. Pinpoint what exactly you miss about the person
As I mentioned earlier, sometimes it’s not the person you’re missing, but more so the general feeling. It will be much easier for you to cope with the loneliness if you can understand what exactly you’re missing.
Realize what emotion you’re feeling and where it’s coming from.
For example, you might really miss the closeness or intimacy of another person. Or you miss having someone to share your successes and failures with.
Once you are able to pinpoint whatever it is you actually miss (and it may be more than one thing), that’s when you gain control over your emotions.
There are other ways that you can feel intimacy even if you’re on your own.
So, instead of mourning your past relationship, figure out precisely what it is that you’re missing the most and take action. Do things that will help you the most with that particular problem.
Another way to stop missing someone is to try a new sport or surround yourself with people who love and support you.
Whatever it is that you do, it always goes back to feelings. Perhaps you miss how funny your ex was and you think that no one would ever be capable of filling that void, but that’s not true at all.
You could put on some stand-up comedy or call a friend who always cracks jokes and have a good laugh together.
I understand that it’s not quite the same as having your ex by your side, but you need to accept that other things can also make you feel happy as well.
4. Put away pictures and memories
Maybe your home or apartment is full of memories of the two of you and wherever you turn your head, you only see your ex. Those things are keeping you in the past and preventing you from moving on.
Some say you need to throw away everything that reminds you of them, but that may not be necessary.
Now is the perfect time to put them away for just a bit, though, so you can focus on your present and get back to life.
When you feel that you’ve had enough time to grieve and stopped missing them, you can always put them back and they won’t make you sad anymore. Instead, they’ll only bring fond memories.
5. Shift your perspective
If you can’t change the situation you’re in, then you can always change how you look at it. That’s exactly what you should do if you’re wondering how to stop missing someone.
If you really feel hopeless and lonely, and you know the person you loved the most won’t come back into your life, then you have to accept the reality of the situation.
I understand that you’re devastated now and that your heart is broken into a million pieces, but you have to shift your perspective.
Don’t think about how lonely and sad you are, or how badly you’re craving their smile and voice. Instead, embrace those feelings and tell yourself this:
“I really miss them and it’s difficult right now. But this won’t last forever. Time will heal these wounds and I’ll be reborn.”
Be your own best friend and give yourself a pep talk whenever you feel down and lonesome. Sounds odd, but talking to yourself is essential to keep your mental health in check.
Any negative thought can be turned into a positive one. Or at least you can find something positive in any negative situation. You only need to really want it.
Take back control of your life by choosing to see things from a different perspective.
6. Get out and talk to your friends
Maybe you’ll need a day or two to stay home alone, and that’s fine, but don’t take too long. Get out there and spend time with your friends.
The worst thing you can do right now when you want to stop missing someone is to lock yourself in a room, binging on Ben & Jerry’s and soppy movies all day. It will only make you feel more depressed if you do that.
There so many things that you can experience out there.
Go to the mall or even the grocery store. What matters here is to get out and be among other people.
7. Embrace a life without them
Now that you’re letting yourself feel those emotions and taking more notice of the things you’re saying, it’s time for the last piece of the puzzle and that is to embrace a life without them.
This isn’t as simple as a mindset shift or challenging your thoughts. It’s more than that. You have to start doing things for yourself.
Instead of reminiscing on the past and how to get over it, appreciate how strong you are and where you are in the present.
Focus on the now and your future, and don’t let past experiences hold you back. Work each day on achieving your goals and dreams, and most importantly, work on yourself.
There’s so much power in that. And there’s no better time to look for something new and fresh, than when something bad happens to you. Not because your life was bad in any way, but because you’ll see how far you’ve come later on.
8. Once you move on, don’t feel guilty
Sooner or later, you’ll find someone else to care about.
When that happens, some people feel guilty because they think it’s too early for a new relationship. They feel as if they betrayed someone who isn’t even with them anymore.
The worst thing you can do to yourself is to feel guilty for something that’s actually part of who you are. It’s okay to seek new connections and meet new people.
Don’t blame yourself for seeking happiness because it’s completely fine to date other guys. You shouldn’t wait for him to come back to you because he no longer needs or wants you. And quite frankly, you don’t need him either.
There’s plenty of fish out there in the sea, and eventually, you’ll meet the right one for you. And he’ll definitely stick around and make you feel loved and cared for.
Quite frankly, it doesn’t matter how long it took you to get there. The most important thing is that you arrived and that your heart and soul are ready for new experiences.