I would love to be able to tell you that it’s easy to leave a toxic relationship.
This person is disrespectful, they undermine you, and they don’t support you and on top of that, you two are constantly fighting.
I am so sorry you are going through this and I know that it is hard to break things off and move on, but I promise you that a life where you don’t have to look out for someone’s toxic patterns is much easier.
So bear with me. This bulletproof guide is here to help you stop loving someone toxic and help you start a new life, step by step.
1. Realize the truth
More often than not, we have convinced ourself that this person isn’t that bad. We convinced ourself that we love them enough to heal them.
You can’t do that. You can’t love someone into loving you. There is simply no way you can change him.
That is his responsibility and in order for him to get better, he has to spend time with himself.
This way, he’s only hurting you more. You will never be able to change him just by loving him.
It doesn’t matter how hard you try, how much you try to talk to him or give him space, it is not your responsibility. He has to make the decision himself.
2. Leave him
Your heart probably skipped a beat at this one. Yes, you read that correctly – leave him if you haven’t already.
You have to stop seeing him and stop giving him a reason to make you believe that he just needs a little bit more time.
He might even convince you that you are giving up on everything you two have built together.
He will put all the blame on you if he wants you to stay, in order to try and guilt-trip you into doing so.
Stand your ground. Choose yourself and your own well-being over him.
Don’t listen to what he has to tell you, because if you are prepared to say that your relationship was toxic, you already have enough reason to leave.
Do not cave.
3. Realize that you deserve better
He might have convinced you that what he called love is what you are deserving of. He will tell you that you are not worthy of more.
Let me tell you that you are! You deserve unconditional, pure love that doesn’t make you feel like screaming.
To be deserving of true love is a basic human right. No one deserves to be stuck in a toxic, manipulative relationship.
4. Take time for yourself
Don’t ignore the pain you feel. If you need to take time for yourself from work, family, or friends, for however long you need, do it. Take all the time you need.
We never ignore physical wounds, so why are we so quick to ignore our emotional ones?
5. Give yourself a deadline
It sounds weird when you put it like that, as it’s not a chore, but I am just saying that you should give yourself a deadline for however long you think you’ll need to feel better.
This doesn’t mean that after this set date you will absolutely stop thinking about him.
No, it means that you will give yourself a deadline for crying and lying around your apartment while you’re eating buckets of ice cream.
We all do it, it’s fine, but after that deadline, you get out of that bed and get back out into the world.
Start your life again. It’s your responsibility to build your own independence and happiness, and you can’t really do that from your bed.
He doesn’t deserve to have all that power over you.
6. Cut off ALL contact with him
Yes. All of it. Block and then delete his phone number, unfollow and block him on all his social media, and get rid of all reminders of him.
It may sound extreme, but how else are you going to move on?
Believe me when I tell you that blocking his number and all of his social media accounts is much easier than being tempted to call him and/or stalk him.
Let’s be honest, we’re all guilty of stalking our exes, but you shouldn’t do that when you’re trying to move on from them.
By doing this, you are also making sure that he doesn’t have a way to contact you either.
He will leave you alone while you’re healing without constantly reminding you of the pain.
7. Prioritize self-care
What does self-care look like for you? Staying in when you don’t feel going anywhere or going out to have fun with your friends?
Is it a hot bath? A spa day? Eating healthily and exercising? Making time for reading?
Whatever it is, make it a priority. When you pamper yourself at least a little bit, you feel better about yourself and have more energy to fight off the ‘evils of the world’.
Make a list of the things that make you feel good and take care of yourself.
You have probably neglected yourself and your needs in order to make your partner feel better, so this is the right time to change that.
8. Surround yourself with loving people
Your friends and family are always there for you.
You need a functional support system right now, because even the strongest heroes need help and all of those loving people in your life will be more than happy to help you get through this tough time and back on your feet.
Whether it is to drag you out of the house to a club so you can relax for a little while, or sit through the entire night with you to listen to anything that you want to talk about, they will be there for you.
These people are there to lift you up and remind you of your true worth whenever you forget about it. Let them help you. Let them be there for you.
9. Start a hobby
The more time you have on your hands, the more time you will spend thinking about him and making excuses about why it wasn’t been such a bad relationship.
By taking up a new hobby, you are doing something that makes you happy while keeping yourself occupied.
You are not escaping your problems by turning your attention to something else, but rather creating a healthy distraction.
10. Realize that being selfish isn’t bad
We have been taught to realize that being selfish is the worst quality in someone, that selflessness is the best way to go.
No, it’s not. Instead of giving all of your time and energy to other people unconditionally, how about you do the same thing for yourself?
Say, “No,” when you mean it and use the attention your friends are giving you in a healthy manner and let them help you heal.
Don’t just sit around and feel sorry for yourself if you can change something about it.
Be selfish with your love next time. Don’t give it away that easily.
When the right one comes around, he will make sure you know that you’re safe to put your guard down and be vulnerable.
He will show you that it’s fine to love him because he will love you too.
You will not have to choose between loving yourself and loving the right one, because you will know that one doesn’t exclude the other.
You will be able to love again, I promise you that much. Just give yourself time to heal right now.