How to heal a relationship after a fight?
All couples have arguments from time to time, and it isn’t a big deal as long as you know how to get your relationship back on track.
Have you had your first fight in a relationship?
I learned what to say to my boyfriend after a fight, and I’ll tell you about it and you’re also going to learn what to text your boyfriend after a fight, to patch things up.
When I was learning what to say to my boyfriend after a fight, I realized that texts are a great way to reach out so I created a few messages so that you would know what to text your boyfriend after a fight.
Just remember that giving space in a relationship after a fight is important.
Of course, doing this doesn’t mean that you should both go your separate ways but how about simply taking a break from the fight?
Taking an intentional timeout is the first step of how to heal a relationship after a fight.
More on that later but right now, I want to tell you that it’s great that you’re looking for ways of how to heal a relationship after a fight.
This shows that you care enough about your relationship to learn how to heal a relationship after a fight and nothing is as important as learning to do that.
To care about a relationship is to learn how to heal a relationship after a fight.
After all, many relationships end just because of a silly fight… but learning how to heal a relationship after a fight will prevent that from happening.
It doesn’t matter how many times you fight as long as you know how to get your relationship back on track. I’m going to teach you that, and your fights won’t be the same again.
After you learn how to heal a relationship after a fight and what to text your boyfriend after a fight, you’ll find out how to solve relationship problems.
I’m going to mention the most common reasons behind the fights of couples and how to solve these issues but let’s first see all the ways of how to heal a relationship after a fight.
How to heal a relationship after a fight
1. Take a pause
Attempting to resolve things while both of you feel emotionally charged can even cause more damage… and it’s risky.
You could hurt each other in the heat of the moment, and the way to avoid that is to let yourselves step away.
Both of you need some room to breathe and some time to cool down.
You need to return to an emotionally neutral state as soon as you can, and you can do that by stepping away, getting a glass of water or doing some breathing exercises that will help you calm down.
There are couples that even have a plan for how to deal with arguments and one of those agreements could be that it’s fine to leave a situation when it’s heated.
That way, you prevent things from escalating.
Another way could be to schedule a time to later revisit the conversation once you have cooled down.
What matters most is to wait until both of you are calm enough to approach things objectively.
Taking an intentional timeout during or immediately after a fight is an excellent idea.
Have you seen the show How I Met Your Mother?
Well, a couple in the show has an agreement to take a pause during a fight; they just say the word ‘pause’, and it means that there is no talking about the issue until they agree to ‘unpause’.
This is a great example of how this timeout works, and you should try it in your relationship!
2. Consider offering an apology
Once both of you have cooled down, do your best not to hang on to the hurt and anger you felt.
After all, it could only cause more harm and suffering and that is why you should extend an olive branch when the time comes for that.
Just because you’ll be the first to apologize, it doesn’t mean you’ve taken sole responsibility for the problem.
Apologizing is merely acknowledging that both of you have gotten hurt… but you still love them and want to heal the relationship.
Extending an olive branch can be with a verbal apology like, “I’m sorry I didn’t look at your side of the story,” or, “I’m sorry I hurt you by saying that.”
However, it can be something as simple as a warm hug or you can break the ice by doing something sweet like handing them their favorite candy.
Whatever way you choose to do it, apologizing will ease the tension and prepare you for a productive conversation and recovery.
3. Listen to their side of the story
When couples are fighting, they each try hard to get their own point across, so they forget about their partner’s side.
Once you’re more rational, listen to their side of the story and don’t just tune out what they have to say.
Show that you’re paying attention by using reflective listening and repeat what they say by using validating statements. “It sounds like I hurt you when I interrupted you,” is just one example of this.
Acknowledge the pain your partner felt. “I’m sorry it made you feel that way,” is an example.
I know it can be hard to hear about your role in the fight, but don’t get defensive.
Actively listen to their perspective and try to acknowledge the hurt that you have caused.
4. Don’t point fingers while sharing your side of the story
Of course, you need to share your perspective as well, but don’t focus on blame. You can present your concerns in a more neutral way.
Every situation is different but I’ll give you some general pointers for sharing your perspective without pointing fingers.
Don’t start your sentences with the phrase, “You always,” so avoid saying things like, “You always leave your dirty clothes on the floor.”
Instead, you can say, “Would you mind putting your clothes in the washing machine when they are dirty?”
Don’t start statements with “You,” but with, “I.” Instead of saying, “You spend too much,” you can say, “I hope we can save some money.”
This doesn’t imply blame like the first statement, but it still gets the message across.
5. Identify the underlying issue
Once everything has calmed down, it’s time to figure out the root of the problem. What got you so heated?
For instance, if it’s a fight about the dirty clothes on the floor, is it really about dirty clothes?
Maybe it’s about you feeling like you have to do all the housework.
It could be even deeper… It might remind you of your parents’ relationship dynamic that you don’t want to have yourself.
Solving the underlying issue is crucial… and it’s what prevents the same fight from happening again.
You both need to feel rational before this, so take some room to breathe before you get to the bottom of it.
6. Work together on finding a solution
When you are feeling understood and heard by each other, it’s time to work together and find a solution.
Is the problem in your relationship jealousy? Maybe you’re feeling insecure in the relationship and see others as a threat.
It’s essential to recognize the patterns of controlling behavior. Do you want your significant other all to yourself?
Maybe you expect to be treated with special care while you’re around other people and get frustrated when that doesn’t happen.
Those patterns can’t disappear in a day, but there are things that both of you can do to feel secure.
Show extra affection when in a situation that could trigger jealousy and don’t act defensive and instead listen to each other’s side of the story.
You need to work together as a team and communicate to solve the problem of insecurity, or any other.
7. Consider couples counseling
If you can’t find a solution that is mutually acceptable, you’ll start fighting more frequently.
Whether you’re always arguing about the same problem, or new problems constantly appear, it’s good to find help.
Couples counseling will help you understand each other better and learn methods to solve problems.
All in all, healing a relationship after a fight takes time, patience, and persistence.
By working together to solve problems and communicating, you can work through it and you’ll be able to strengthen your bond and discover mutually acceptable solutions.
Don’t forget that it’s perfectly normal for a couple to fight from time to time. However, it’s crucial to recognize unhealthy and damaging patterns and seek professional help when needed.
What to text your boyfriend after a fight
1. Remind him how much you care about him
During a fight, couples tend to forget how much they mean to each other, which is why it’s important to remind your boyfriend about it afterward.
Text something like:
“Hey, honey. Have I said to you lately that you mean the world to me?
Never forget that again… and I hate the fighting part, so can we skip to the making up part now?”
2. Acknowledge your part of the blame
He said some hurtful things, but so did you. Now it’s time to own up to your mistakes and make amends.
Here’s an example that you can use:
“I feel awful about hurting you, and I would like to take back all the mean things I said to you. Please tell me if I can make it up to you somehow.”
3. Make sure he knows you want to make up
At this point, he doesn’t know if you are still angry or upset, which is why it’s essential to let him know that you’re ready to patch things up.
Try something like:
“The fighting part was awful, but it leads to making up part, and I’m really looking forward to that. Can we start now?”
4. Let him know that you’ll change your bad behavior
If you did something wrong and that’s the main reason you two had a fight in the first place, you need to reassure him that you’ll change.
Don’t just say that you’re sorry, show that you really mean it.
An example could be:
“I can tell you that I’m sorry, or I can show you that I truly am. Right now I’m telling you, but if you come over, I’ll show you.
Actions mean more than words.”
5. Ask him to forgive you
Of course, both of you need to forgive each other, but one of you has to be the one who asks for it first.
You probably hurt him with what you said during the fight, so ask for forgiveness in your text.
Use something like:
“I can’t imagine my life without you… so I hope that you can forgive me for the mean things I said and that we can continue to live happily ever after.
I don’t care that this is corny because I mean it. Please forgive me.”
How to solve relationship problems
1. Do you spend too little time together?
When both of you or one of you is too busy to spend enough time together, it can be challenging so administrative planning is the way to go in this case.
Make sure that you book your dates in advance and take some time to talk about your feelings.
A great way to reconnect is to take a short trip together if possible.
However, if there’s really no time for meeting in person, use texting as much as you can.
2. Do you spend too much time together, with no room for individual growth?
Schedule some time for soul-searching and suggest to your partner that he does the same.
Try meditating, take a walk in the park, and hang out with your friends. Visit some cool places or maybe a gallery or museum.
Take yourself out on a date and do it every week. Those two or three hours are just for you so that you can do something alone.
3. Do you always fight about the same things?
Your relationship should be a safe place for both of you, where you both feel good together.
Be kind and patient with your partner, and help him be the same with you.
Take note of the things you fight about and make sure to step back when those issues occur.
If it isn’t possible to avoid a topic until you’ve cooled down, suggest that you sit down and get to the bottom of it.
Deconstruct the issue and find out the underlying problem.
4. Do you not like his parents?
The first thing you need to ask yourself is if those folks are really as bad as it seems.
Maybe his mother isn’t the perfect cook or a genius when it comes to debates, but those are just details.
You need to look past them and focus on the fact that she raised your partner.
Her attitude reflects on the nice ways your partner treats you.
However, if his parents are really unfriendly and disrespectful, you don’t have to take that.
Your partner needs to know about how you feel and stand up for you and defend you. It’s understandable that your partner should intervene when his family isn’t kind to you.
5. Do you feel insecure about your future together?
So, maybe you feel insecure about your future together because you want different things in life.
Wanting to take different paths in life doesn’t have to be the end of it, though; you can always find a way for both of your wishes to get fulfilled.
Neither one of you has to sacrifice your dreams because you can navigate them together.
There are surely ways that you can make changes so that both of you are happy.
After all, dreams change, so you later might not want the same things you want now.
6. Do you find it hard to relate to his issues?
When it comes to this problem, there’s no simple solution.
You just need to sit down with your partner and have enough patience until he opens up.
It could be difficult and consuming, but don’t lose your patience because you need to work through this.
Maybe you can’t give him great advice, but you can be his shoulder to rest on.
Your partner might have been strong for too long, and now you have to be strong for him. Just saying, “I’m here for you,” could help a lot.
7. Do you feel like you’re not getting enough attention from him?
Do you have trouble communicating about what’s important when it comes to giving and receiving?
Couples counseling can really help with this, so don’t be afraid to try it.
Consider what you could do to make him feel wanted… and tell him what he could do to make you feel wanted just the same.
Don’t hesitate to use sentences like, “I need you,” and, “I love the way you look at me”.
8. Do you argue over money?
Is the issue that your partner is making more or less money than you? Why is that a problem?
Consider what was different when you were single when it comes to your spending behaviors and earning… and what changed in the relationship.
A great way to solve issues if one of you is spending too much or is afraid for the future is to seek the help of a financial analyst.
Also consider old beliefs that you might still have, such as that men should earn more or that they need to pay for everything.
9. You can’t tolerate his vices?
It’s not your responsibility to change the person you’re with because people only change if they really want to change.
Talk to him and try to come to an agreement.
For example, if your partner is a smoker, the agreement could be that he only smokes on the balcony.
Don’t join him and become a smoker yourself because you shouldn’t change your lifestyle for anyone.
If it’s a more severe problem than smoking, like drugs, think of yourself first and your own health. Can you really help him?
10. Do you feel like you’re giving a lot but get back only a little?
The worst thing is if you’re being emotionally abused.
Talk to your partner about the amount of effort you put in and the amount you expect from him in order for your relationship to work.
If things have gotten so bad that it has turned to emotional abuse, maybe it’s best to leave him. Don’t ever let anyone abuse you.
If he doesn’t want to give as much as he gets, your relationship isn’t balanced.
11. Do you not like his friends or do his friends not like you?
Is it a really big issue for you? Do you always feel unwanted or pushed away when you’re around his friends?
If this is something that’s affecting the relationship, your partner must step up.
Of course, he doesn’t need to stop seeing his friends, but he should stand up for you.
He needs to make it perfectly clear that the two of you are a couple and he should protect you.
When it comes to seeing his friends, your partner can hang out with them without you while you do something you like separately.
You can always agree to hang out with friends separately, so while he’s with his friends, you hang out with yours.
12. Are you feeling suffocated about living together?
Maybe you aren’t used to sharing everything with another person, which is a common issue for someone who is an only child.
A lot of things could bother you about living together, whether it’s leaving dirty clothes on the floor or talking on the phone too loud.
Sometimes, even seeing him all the time can feel suffocating.
Moving in together is one of those very serious decisions that should have the right motive.
Don’t just live with him because the rent is cheaper that way.
You can create a personal space in your apartment with just a few interior design tricks to make this more comfortable.