So you want to know how to fix your toxic relationship? You want to know if there’s a way to save the relationship you’ve worked on for so many years already?
You’re not ready to give up on everything that you’ve built. There are so many great memories that you’ve shared, there were so many promises made.
You can’t just walk away from him just because you didn’t know how to be in a healthy relationship!
There are so many people out there who are broken from their past experiences.
And the sad thing is, they don’t even realize how toxic they are to the people around them.
All they do know is that they have to behave like this in order to guard their heart. They’re not aware of how badly they hurt others.
They’ve become the monster they were so afraid of.
It’s not very pleasant to realize that you’re stuck in a toxic relationship.
Through this period of time, you’ve probably gotten used to your partner’s behavior.
Your words and actions might have become just as poisonous to them as theirs are to you.
So is there even a way to make this better? Is it worth it?
Shouldn’t we all just want a healthy relationship that makes us happy?
But you’re too scared to lose him and walk away. You’ve gotten so used to him that it would be weird to live without him.
Would you believe me if I told you that that’s exactly the reason why toxic relationships are so dangerous?
You want to fix your toxic relationship, so let’s go ahead and find a way to do just that.
Is a toxic relationship worth fixing?
Can a person really fix a toxic relationship? And if yes, is it worth the pain and the wait?
A toxic relationship isn’t always worth mending.
There are many people who aren’t ready to change and because of that, they can only weigh you down and make you even more miserable.
Sometimes you’re stuck in a karmic cycle and your relationship is there to teach you a lesson.
You’re able to admit to yourself that you’ve learned a lot about how you can and can’t act in a relationship.
The most important lesson a toxic relationship can teach you is to know when to walk away.
Okay, but let’s for a moment say that your toxic relationship is worth saving.
If I’m not mistaken, you’re thinking about how to fix a toxic relationship because you love your other half.
If that’s truly the reason, answer me this: How can you love someone who’s done so much damage?
How can you love someone you know isn’t good for you?
You probably believe that there’s some goodness left in this person. You believe that they’re worth the fight.
If you truly believe that it’s worth everything you’re going through, then please, do continue. Who am I to tell you who to love?
How to fix a toxic relationship
So let’s figure out how you can fix your toxic relationship.
In this section, we’ll be talking about the steps you can take in order to turn your toxic relationship into a healthy one.
Just be warned and prepared, because this process isn’t a quick one.
1. Cut off contact for a while
Probably the best thing you can do right now is take a little break.
You’re exhausted from this relationship and you don’t know where to even begin. Because of that, you need a little breather.
Cut off contact for a while. Tell him that you need some time alone to figure things out.
You need this time so that you can clear your head from him and see things from a different perspective.
It’ll also be a good time to figure out if you truly want to work on this or are ready to throw in the towel.
During your absence, you’re also giving him time to think things through properly.
Going no-contact with your partner is the best thing you can do for now in order to fix your toxic relationship.
You can’t make a difference if you continue doing the same things, so it’s time for a change.
2. Be willing to walk away
We’re back to this topic again, yes.
We’ll keep talking about this until you truly start believing that this relationship can be fixed.
Until then, I’ll tell you that it’s completely okay if you want to leave.
Don’t think that the only thing you can do is to stay by his side. That’s not what you’re supposed to do if you don’t feel happy in this relationship.
So be willing to walk away instead of clinging to a sinking ship.
You don’t have to fix your toxic relationship and the sooner you realize that, the sooner you’ll be able to fix things.
When you’re prepared to tell your partner that you’ll leave (and mean it), that’s when they’ll be motivated enough to work on themselves too.
You have to be prepared to leave if you can’t fix your toxic relationship.
There are people who simply not yours to be fixed. Sometimes, they need professional help.
And you have to understand that that’s completely okay.
3. Take time to self-reflect
There’s a lot of self-reflecting you have to do before you can actually start to fix your toxic relationship.
You have to be honest with yourself and recognize the actions that led you here.
There are probably many things that you, yourself, did wrong. So look deep inside your own soul and realize all the positive changes you have to make.
No one is without fault. Did you give him permission to act like that toward you?
Were you the one to invade his privacy and yell at him when you were just a bit moody?
What positive changes do you have to make to fix this toxic relationship?
You can probably think of a few and now you have to make the conscious decision on work on yourself.
Make a list of these issues and work through them one by one. Find every way that can help you figure these things out.
You can’t really ask him to change unless you’re willing to work on yourself first.
4. Stop blaming each other
A toxic relationship is a constant cycle of blame thrown around.
You blame him for not being able to go out with your friends when you want to.
He blames you every time he has to turn down another job offer because you’re not prepared to move cities.
You blame each other for the lack of respect, love, and affection in your life.
This blame game has probably been going on for a while now.
You can remember that those little, subtle, remarks were made even at the very beginning of your relationship.
You have to stop throwing blame around without looking within yourself and realizing your own faults.
Before you blame your partner, think about an alternative way to react to the situation.
5. Confront him
When you’ve made the decision not to blame each other for your own shortcomings, it’s time to sit down and talk things through.
Things may escalate quite quickly and you have to be prepared for that.
When you want to fix a toxic relationship, it’s not always easy to communicate the things that you think are making you unhappy.
You’d rather that he knew what he’s doing wrong so that you don’t have to point them out to him.
However, he can’t read your mind and you can’t read his either.
You have to talk things through.
After you’ve done some self-reflection and made the decision not to blame each other, you can figure out if you want to work on this relationship.
Is this union you have as important to him as it is to you?
Or is he just there because it’s convenient for him? Does he even realize that he needs to change?
Talk about this and see what you have to do in order to stay together and to fix your toxic relationship. Make actual sessions as often as you need to talk.
Another thing that may help is if you include a no-yelling rule.
6. Take up space
A toxic relationship can also come to be when you’re the victim of narcissistic abuse.
When you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, it’s quite hard to figure out where you stand.
You’re so used to being silent around him and you’re scared to take up space.
Even when you try to talk to him and tell him what’s going on, he puts you down and tells you that your opinion doesn’t matter.
Well, let me tell you something: Your opinion does matter! Your opinion totally matters and you are totally allowed to take up the space you need.
You can’t just curl up into yourself and wait for him to give you permission to talk or to express your opinion.
No healthy relationship can function like that.
You want to fix this toxic relationship? Well, then take up space! Get comfortable raising your voice when needed.
Cry when you feel like it and don’t let anyone tell you that you’re not allowed to get angry.
You’re allowed to take up as much space as you need to feel appreciated and heard in a relationship.
Because if he isn’t able to give you this and doesn’t understand how important it is for you to voice your opinion, then this relationship is beyond repair.
You can’t possibly be happy in a relationship with someone who doesn’t acknowledge you at all.
7. Set boundaries
Toxic relationships have a funny way of breaking down our boundaries and not letting us create new ones.
He probably told you that he has the right to take your phone whenever he wants.
He probably told you that he has the right to touch you whenever he pleases, because you basically belong to him (based on his logic).
All of these situations are examples of violation of your boundaries.
He can’t touch anything that’s yours, especially not your body.
Because it doesn’t matter if you’re married or in a relationship, you belong to no one but yourself.
Your body is yours only and he doesn’t have the right to touch you if you don’t feel comfortable with it.
Set those boundaries again! Set those boundaries and tell him that he can either respect them or walk out the door right this minute.
He doesn’t own you and he never will. You are your own person.
So set your boundaries again and don’t let him break them down just because he thinks he’s entitled to.
Boundaries are necessary for a healthy relationship. You can’t fix a toxic relationship if you don’t reestablish them – and stick to them.
8. Figure out a way to be emotionally independent
Many people lose their emotional independence once they’re in a relationship.
“Will I be happy if I leave him?”
Have you ever made a statement like that? Have you ever asked yourself if you’ll be able to experience happiness without him?
You have an idealized view of your partner. You think that he’s the be-all and end-all, and that you’ll never be able to find someone like him.
Being emotionally dependent on your partner also makes you very sensitive to rejection.
You aren’t able to find self-validation, so you need him to validate you.
This also makes you feel very anxious and empty when you’re left alone without him for a certain amount of time.
Do you see how this is toxic?
You’re keeping him from having a life of his own. When he does go somewhere without you, you make him feel guilty for it.
This is definitely not a healthy relationship because you’re so dependent on him.
He’s probably the reason why you feel like this because he used manipulation to make you too attached to him.
So find a way to be emotionally independent. Find happiness within yourself instead of looking for it inside your relationship.
You have to be able to be happy even without him. That’s when you’ll be able to be truly happy in your relationship as well.
Trust me, it’s healthier for the both of you. It’s a win-win situation.
9. Ask for help
You can’t fight your battles on your own. But you’ve done that for so long, that you still feel guilty to ask for anyone’s help.
However, sometimes it’s better to ask for help. There’s someone you can share this burden with and who can help you find a solution.
They’re able to see things from an outside perspective.
Ask your friends to help you find a place to stay while you’re trying to figure things out.
Ask your family to lend you an ear that’ll listen and some advice for this situation.
At the end of the day, if you don’t want to burden your friends and family, you can look for professional help.
It’s a therapist’s job to be there for you, to listen and give you advice on what you should do.
So, instead of feeling alone and out of your depth, how about you ask someone for help?
The burden will be much lighter once you’re able to share it with someone.
You can also go to couple’s therapy if he’s up for it. It’ll only help you find an easier and quicker solution to your problem.
10. Trust yourself more
If you’re in a toxic relationship, your partner might have tried to gaslight you one too many times.
He’ll make you feel like you’re the crazy one for wanting or needing something.
He’ll even convince you that you were imagining the things you saw.
It can feel like you’re losing your mind because you can’t trust your own eyes and ears. It’s been so long since you believed anyone but him.
So this is your cue to begin trusting yourself more.
You’re wondering how to fix a toxic relationship? Well, let me tell you that you won’t be able to do that unless you completely trust yourself.
It’ll take some time to get out of that toxic mindset you’ve been stuck in for years, but it’ll pay off.
Be confident in yourself and the things you’re experiencing.
He can’t make you believe in something that simply isn’t true! Especially not if you saw it with your own eyes.
If he continues to persuade you to believe him, just walk out of the room. He’s not worth your sanity.
11. Stop using sarcasm and passive-aggression to communicate
Sarcastic remarks can be really funny, unless we’re talking about an already toxic relationship that has many problems.
Sarcasm is only a defense mechanism for when you find yourself in uncomfortable situations.
And being passive-aggressive is extremely counterproductive.
You have to find healthier ways to communicate.
If you use sarcasm and passive-aggression instead of talking things through, you’re only going to make him even madder.
There isn’t a problem that can be solved this way.
Instead, try to stop yourself every time you want to make a snarky remark.
Make an effort to show him that you can be civil and he needs to try harder as well.
12. Avoid insecurities
We’re often the victims of our own insecurities.
You think that he’s better than you and that he can do so much better.
You have the feeling that, soon enough, he’ll leave you for someone much better than you.
Those insecurities lead to an unhealthy and toxic relationship. You’re constantly jealous and possessive.
Even if it’s not you but him who’s the insecure one, trust flies out the window.
You may even feel insecure about your partners’ progress in life. He’s gotten a new job or a promotion and you feel like you’re left behind.
Instead of being happy for him, your insecurities make you even more upset that he’s made such progress in life while you’re still stuck in the same place.
That can’t be a healthy relationship because you envy your own partner.
Your sense of self-worth should never be threatened by your partners’ success.
You can either be happy for him or leave, because he deserves someone who’s supportive of him. Just like you deserve someone supportive!
13. Explore healthier ways to communicate
Instead of yelling until you’re hoarse and your lungs burn, try a healthier approach.
Instead of throwing things at each other or flinging insults, you have to find a better way to solve issues.
For example, make a rule that you won’t yell when you’re addressing problems.
What else do you do that’s not healthy? Do you talk over each other?
Then enforce the rule that you have to wait until the other person is finished talking to start. Don’t interrupt each other.
Another important thing is to not invalidate each other’s feelings. When your partner says that they feel mad or sad, don’t call them crazy!
If you feel insecure because of his friendship with another woman, don’t let him tell you that you’re overreacting.
Figure out what works best for you and find a better way to communicate if you truly want to fix your toxic relationship.
14. Have uncomfortable conversations
When you’ve been stuck in a toxic relationship for a while, being vulnerable becomes extremely uncomfortable.
However, you need these conversations if you want to rebuild your relationship into something healthier.
Lay all your emotions on the table and be ready to listen to each other.
You might have been silent about the things that make you feel uncomfortable or upset.
Your partner becomes extremely irritated when he doesn’t get what he wants, so you just stay silent and give in.
Staying silent is so much easier than having to talk to him about things and making him mad, right?
Well, wrong. If you let him control you like this just because you find these conversations uncomfortable, then you won’t be able to fix this toxic relationship.
Have uncomfortable conversations! If he can’t handle them, then it’s time to pack your bags because he’s obviously not listening to you.
15. Work on other relationships as well
People in toxic relationships usually find themselves in this position because they were so focused on their partner that they completely neglect every other relationship.
There are many reasons why you might have lost contact with them. But very often it has everything to do with your toxic relationship.
Once you reconnect with other people in your life, it’ll be much easier to work on your toxic relationship.
You’ll have a stronger support group and you won’t be so fixated on fixing this relationship.
You can’t fix a toxic relationship by isolating yourself from everyone and just trying to figure it out on your own.
You have to strengthen other relationships in order to strengthen your relationship with your partner.
16. Have regular bonding rituals
You need to make sure that the relationship you’re creating is healthy and both of your needs and desires are met.
Remember what you like to do together.
Did you enjoy going bowling at the beginning of your relationship? Did you like to make pancakes and then watch TV at least once a week?
Bring all those bonding rituals back into your routine.
Find the things that brought you together and enforce them as law!
Don’t just sit beside each other or in different rooms and expect things to fall back into place on their own.
Make a list of things that bring you closer together and choose a different bonding ritual each day.
Depending on what you want to do, make sure that it makes you both happy, so it benefits both of you and doesn’t just cater to your partner.
17. Realize that you’re no one’s savior
Many people find themselves in a downward spiral because they’re stuck in a toxic relationship trying to save their partner.
He might have been abused as a child or gone through a lot in his past relationships.
Either way, he’s had a dark past and you can’t help but feel like you need to help him.
That’s one of the reasons why your relationship is so unhealthy right now.
You think of yourself as some saint who can help him heal his broken heart. You think that you can help him when, in reality, that’s not your job.
Your only job is to help him find a professional who can help him and you can hold his hand through the process.
You’re not the one who’s responsible for getting him to change.
You’re no one’s savior and you have to stop thinking of yourself as such.
You’ll only end up drained and that won’t help anyone.
18. Make changes, don’t just talk about them
Talking about changes and actually changing are two completely different things.
It’s great to talk things through and find the best way to solve your issues, but those conversations won’t mean anything if you don’t follow through with your plans.
You have to find a way to put all those words into actions and turn your relationship into a healthy one.
You can’t fix your toxic relationship if you’re not ready to back your words up with actions.
So we’ve made a game plan, now you just have to execute it!
Go and fix your toxic relationship and live your happily ever after.