The start of a marriage is a beautiful thing and it is one of those things everyone wishes will indeed last until the “death does part” point.
However, things can go astray even when your intentions were pure going in. Nonetheless, marriages don’t just end suddenly and that’s why you need to know how to fix a broken marriage.
Some of the problems affecting the institution can get out of hand leading to one of the parties or both feeling like they cannot continue with the union anymore.
However, ignoring marriage problems is what gets people to that point in the first place. Thus, you have to find a way to fix your marriage problems as soon as possible.
How to fix a broken marriage?
1. List down the major causes of disagreement
Even if some of the issues are hard to talk about for fear of the fights that may ensue you still have to note them down.
Avoidance isn’t going to save the marriage. Both of you need to find mutually agreeable solutions for the issues.
Finding a way to work through the most difficult issues in your marriage gives you the skills to handle new issues in the future in a way that no one ends up feeling like they have lost.
If you fight about everything the problem might be how you communicate and not necessarily that you have been going through extraordinary issues.
This realization will help you make the necessary changes to save your marriage.
Even when you are researching how to fix a marriage that is broken you will realize that communication is key.
A happy marriage can only be achieved if both parties are committed to making it work including opting for marriage counseling in repairing a broken marriage.
2. Focus on your shortcomings in the marriage
When you keep blaming your partner for all the marriage problems you have it will force him/her to adopt a defensive attitude.
A happy marriage cannot happen if one party feels they are being picked on all the time.
Besides marriage counseling, repairing a broken marriage also requires you to be honest about your shortcomings in the first place and then being committed to making a change.
Married couples can easily fix their marriage problems if only they stop focusing on just their point of view and be honest about their role in causing problems in the relationship.
3. Cut the crap
If it has become a norm to say mean things to each other daily then you need to change that to have a healthy marriage.
The saying that “no marriage is perfect” has been the excuse most married couples who fight constantly use to avoid facing their problems.
You have to stop with the snide remarks, complaints, anger, blame, sarcasm and even accusations that have become a daily habit in your marriage.
It is the little things that matter and taking one step at a time will help you fix the marriage. Replace the negatives with positive things.
You don’t even have to make a grand gesture. It can be little things like listening to your partner’s point of view, spending time with them, eye contact or even planning a date night.
It shows them you care. From there, make it a habit to compliment them daily and witness your marriage improve.
4. Learn how to bring up concerns in a constructive manner
Sensitive conversations can turn ugly pretty quick especially if you don’t handle them well.
How to express your concerns will determine whether the other party will be open for discussion or they will become defensive.
Be straightforward, don’t use a harsh tone and give them a chance to respond without interruptions.
Also, pick a good time for such a discussion in the first place. You don’t want to ambush your partner when he or she is on the way out for work.
5. Collaborate when making decisions
Making decisions cooperatively is one of the ways to create and maintain a healthy relationship.
It should never be a win-lose situation but rather a win-win outcome.
Purge the idea of “getting your way” in everything if you aim to have a healthy marriage.
Differences cannot be avoided when two people come together to make decisions but this can be handled by having each person express their underlying concerns.
After everything has been discussed you can then go ahead and find a solution that solves the concerns of each party.
As long as both of you are aiming to make the marriage work, you will be surprised at how creative you can be in ensuring no one feels cheated in the process.
6. Eliminate Anger, Addictions, and Affairs
These are the major deal-breakers in marriage. You cannot hope for a healthy relationship if one of you is caught up in these.
You need to get rid of these habits if you don’t want to end up with a broken relationship.
If one of you is still tangled up in these habits it will be futile to save the relationship because your marital problems will keep on recurring.
Also, this is crucial for couples who have children because they will not be healthy emotionally if they grew up witnessing their parents struggle with these habits.
7. Have positive energy towards your partner
This isn’t just to be reserved for the days you feel euphoric. You have to make it a habit. Take the initiative to compliment your partner daily.
Make eye contact in public and go for a date night.
Also spending time with your significant other is important or adopting any other habit you feel will bring the two of you closer.
This doesn’t take hard work but the results will be evident in a short while.
Marriage work doesn’t have to be an enigma when you are committed to trying.
8. Take note of the direction you don’t want your marriage to take
There are the obvious deal-breakers in any marriage but there are some habits or marital problems that will bother you and not necessarily the next person.
You have to take note of such relationship problems so that you can shape the marriage based on what you want.
You don’t have to be a spectator in your marriage.
This is how you’ll end up with a broken relationship.
Once you have outlined how you want your marriage to look like you can now start working towards achieving that.
Whether it is couples counseling or changing the way of your marriage that will get you there, be committed to putting in the hard work to achieve your goal.
9. Go for counseling
Couples counseling has helped many people avoid a broken relationship.
You have to approach relationship problems the way you do any other problems in your life.
If you feel like you aren’t happy with the way of your marriage and you have tried everything to better the relationship in vain you should ask for help.
However, it isn’t just anyone who can save your marriage.
Go to a professional because family and friends are less likely to have what is needed to help you.
However, take it one step at a time to avoid overwhelming yourself.
Can you fix a broken marriage?
Most childhood fantasies have you looking forward to a “happily ever after” and this is cemented by many movies and romcoms which end at just that.
There is no point where cinderella and prince charming weren’t happy.
However, this is far from reality and when you have a broken relationship in your hands you may feel cheated.
But can a broken marriage be repaired? You may wonder. It can, depending on how you approach the problem.
Below are some tips on how to rebuild a marriage
1)You can’t fix a broken marriage alone
If you have been looking for ideas on how to fix a broken marriage alone you can as well stop because you can’t.
Unless your partner is willing to join you in making efforts to build a healthy marriage you’ll never succeed.
Therefore, talk to your spouse and get to know whether they are willing to stay in the relationship or call it quits. From there you can act accordingly.
2)Review what happened
Marriages do not break overnight.
By the time you are checking out how to rebuild a marriage or how to repair a broken marriage it means it is crumbling already.
Thus, think back to when things started falling apart and identify the reasons this could have happened.
You can’t fix what you don’t know and if you are not willing to face the truth, no matter how many people you go to for help on how to fix a marriage that is broken you will keep moving in circles.
3)Check the harmful habits that may have developed over the years
As the relationship progresses patterns do emerge.
Therefore, before you start bothering people with questions on how do you fix a broken marriage you may want to identify the patterns that have led to that point.
When you are conscious about these harmful patterns it will be easy for you to check them whenever you catch yourself repeating them.
You have to replace the bad patterns with good sustainable ones if you are serious about how to fix a broken marriage.
Remember fixing a broken marriage doesn’t take a village. This should be between you and your spouse.
If someone has to be involved in how to fix a broken marriage after infidelity let it be a professional.
Comparing your partner or problems to the next couple will bring more division.
No matter how good the next couple seems to have it, focus on your marriage and leave them out of it.
7 reasons why you have a broken marriage:
There isn’t a school where people are taught how to ace marriage life.
Those who have been married for a long time might give you tips before you get into it but even that is not enough to keep it strong.
You sort of wing it and see what works and what doesn’t as you proceed.
However, you don’t just let things happen to you and hope to have a long healthy marriage.
You ought to understand the reasons why you could end up with a broken marriage to avoid them. Some of these reasons are:
Even if it looks like rainbows and unicorns every day for movie couples, marriage is hard work.
Not that you have to toil for hours every day to achieve a perfect marriage but rather you need to put forth efforts to make it work.
Find time for your partner everyday and discuss how you want your marriage to be like.
b)Poor communication skills
If you are struggling with how to fix a broken marriage then this is where you have to start.
Poor communication skills are not only bad for marriage but in every relationship as well.
You cannot be serious about how to fix a broken marriage without trust if you are not even trying to fix poor communication skills.
Improvement of communication skills can transform your marriage into a bliss.
Children are a blessing to many marriages but they can drive you and spouse apart.
They are at the center of the reason why many people wondering how to fix a broken marriage after an affair.
They take much energy, time and patience. This will be the time that had been previously set aside for your partner.
Therefore, if you are not deliberate about connecting with your spouse even after you have children you can easily drift apart.
You need to show care and attention to your spouse like you used to before the children came.
When they grow up in a family where both parents are still in love like before they will also learn how to have healthy relationships in the future.
Everyone is selfish to some extent but this shouldn’t apply in your marriage.
You should want the best for your partner because their wins are your wins as well.
You have to prioritize their needs, not just yours.
Many people who are wondering how to fix a broken marriage after lying might realize it all stems from their selfishness if they were to look within.
So, if you are asking yourself, can a broken marriage be repaired, the answer is yes if both parties are willing to put aside their selfishness
Neglect is up there with selfishness and laziness.
If you do the bare minimum in your relationship and most of your actions are driven by selfish interests then you are neglecting your partner.
On the same note, you are neglecting the marriage and this will spiral down a dangerous path pretty fast.
What is neglected cannot grow and thrive and if it is your marriage it will die.
f) Lack of care and affection
With time, the passion and fire you felt when the relationship was beginning will fade and it will take commitment to continue loving and respecting your partner.
However, once the passion subsides many people stop showing care and affection towards their partners and that is where the problems start.
In the end, all the warmth and sweetness of the relationship disappear and the joy of marriage goes with it.
That is when things start falling apart and people want out of the marriage. Instead of letting it get to that you need to try and fix the marriage.
When things aren’t going well at home couples tend to cheat.
Men are the major culprits and the fact that society excuses this behavior makes it worse.
It can be hard to deal with if the cheater isn’t ready to own up and change his ways.
However, it doesn’t mean that women don’t cheat.
There are professionals and materials to help you with how to fix a broken marriage after infidelity if this is the situation you are in.
How to save a marriage from divorce
Divorce statistics all over the world are worrisome. Nonetheless, you shouldn’t throw in the towel just because you are in an unhappy marriage.
It doesn’t necessarily have to end in a divorce. A few tips on how to fix a broken marriage and you can actually turn things around.
In matters to do with how to fix a marriage that is broken you have to start trying before the divorce.
Some of the things that can be done in this case include:
a) Accept their feelings
Nothing can prepare you for the day your partner tells you that he/she needs a divorce.
You will feel defeated and a little bit panicked. However, it is okay to have those feelings.
However, it just takes a reminder of how much you were in love before for them to come around.
However, if it had gotten to the point of separation you may want to look into how to fix a broken marriage after separation.
Also, a professional will be your best shot when it comes to how to fix a marriage that is broken.
b)Validate their feelings
This won’t be easy but you have to take the high road and validate their feelings. However, don’t get stuck in lengthy explanations.
You need it to be short and straightforward. Also, remember you have to do this even if you don’t agree.
Understanding why they need the marriage to end will be helpful when you get to how to fix a broken marriage.
Their reasons for wanting to leave can be fixed if they are known.
Once you accept and validate their feelings they won’t get defensive especially if you are dealing with how to fix a marriage after cheating.
c) Don’t be defensive
The primitive survival instinct when human beings or rather animals are under attack is fight or flight.
The threat of divorce will bring that to surface.
This is why you will see many people take immature actions or say mean things when they are undergoing a divorce.
However, don’t take the bait. You need to avoid reacting. You have to be the loving, kind and mature person the other party fell in love with.
This will help you save your marriage from divorce especially if you are wondering how to fix a broken marriage after cheating.
Whether you are dating or in a relationship, when your significant other says he/she wants to leave you’ll instantly try chasing after them.
However, the pursuing, pleading and begging isn’t going to help your case.
No matter what you have been told about how to fix a broken marriage alone, just know that it won’t work if your partner doesn’t want any part of it.
That’s why retreating is important.
Just like their leaving triggers you to pursue them, your pursuit will trigger them to run even faster.
Thus, remain calm and give them space.
They will probably figure things out on their own and then decide to come back or leave. Whatever their choice is, respect it.
e)Purpose to be better
You may have created a long list of the flaws your partner has which led to a broken marriage.
However, you cannot be innocent either.
If you are looking for help on how to fix a broken marriage after separation the least you can do is work on yourself.
Don’t be too focused on what is wrong with your spouse to forget your flaws.
Take up personal development courses, go for yoga, see a therapist or learn a new hobby.
The idea is to be better and this won’t go unnoticed by your partner.
f)Reestablish contact when you feel ready
After a couple of weeks or months, you can reach out to your spouse to meet up.
This can be a coffee date or an informal meeting. However, remember to keep the interactions happy and positive.
Diving directly into how to fix a broken marriage will make the moment dull.
Start having those discussions when things have settled and you can laugh or even smile together again.
This is also the best time to decide whether you want to go on with the relationship or not.
g)Set new ground rules
You have to stop leveraging the relationship to have your way and the same goes for the other party.
Divorce should be out of the table if you are willing to take steps on how to fix a broken marriage.
The ground rules should take into account the feelings of both parties.
Also, be committed to making it work because the moment you do things half-heartedly with the idea of walking away at the back of your mind you won’t commit to saving the marriage from divorce.
Can you fix a broken marriage without counseling?
In some cases, you don’t need marriage counseling to fix your marriage. If the two are willing to work it out you can:
a)Talk with your spouse
If the two of you can put your differences aside and talk through the problem without mediation the better.
The marriage doesn’t stand a chance if you are not willing to talk about how to fix a broken marriage.
b)Let each person explain what they think the problem is
Everyone’s perception will shape their reality.
The perspective your spouse has regarding what the problem is will probably be different from your point of view.
Thus, each has to be given a chance to explain the problem in their own words. Simplifying the problems makes it easy to find workable solutions.
You should give your spouse enough time to express their concerns without interruptions.
Don’t get defensive in the process either. Also, you shouldn’t listen just for the sake of responding but rather to understand what is bothering them.
d)List down the changes to be done
In rebuilding your marriage some things have to change. This applies to both sides. Therefore, List them down and talk about them.
Also, each party needs to commit to following through with the changes.
When you get used to blaming other people for the problems you are having in your marriage you won’t take responsibility for your actions.
It cannot always be the fault of the next person. Identify where your actions might be causing your marital problems and own up.
It also shows maturity and tells your partner that you are above the ego.
No marriage is too far gone to be saved unless the differences are irreconcilable or one of the partners simply wants out.
If you believe in your marriage and your partner is ready to put the differences aside and get help to save the marriage then do so.
However, make sure you have made changes to ensure you don’t end up in the same place again in the future.
If you are always having to fix the marriage then it will become tedious and stale. You deserve joy in your marriage and not constant frustration.