Are you sick and tired of being gaslighted and wanting to mess with his life a bit? If you’re wondering how to expose a gaslighter, I’m all too happy to help you out. Let’s awaken that fierce warrior you’re hiding inside and kick him out of your life for good.
When you’re going through this kind of emotional abuse, you easily start doubting your sanity. You’re not sure whether you’ve made up some things, or they actually happened. That’s why gaslighting is the favorite technique of many abusers.
You’ve probably heard this one too many times, but before you do anything, make sure he’s actually gaslighting you. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not doubting your judgment. You know the best what you’re going through right now.
He probably told you multiple times how you’re crazy and imagining things, that you’re being oversensitive. And he surely tried to convince you that some things never happened. There are a lot of other common examples you can find online that count as gaslighting.
Are you ready to learn how to expose a gaslighter? Buckle up, I’m bringing you some invaluable tips.
1. Believe in your experience
First and foremost, you have to believe in your experience. As I’ve already mentioned, he’ll try to convince you that most of the bad things never happened and he’ll call you crazy. You’ve probably gone through this a couple of times by now, so you know how it actually goes.
When he starts saying those typical gaslighting phrases, replay in your head what really happened. Try to preserve the real image and don’t let him confuse you. He’s going to neglect your emotions and openly tell you that you’re overreacting.
You know that what happened is a big deal, so stand firm in that. Maybe he embarrassed you in front of your family and now he pretends like it didn’t matter or never occurred. It seems like half of the things you went through were simply your imagination. Were they, though?
2. Try to elude him
I know that sometimes it’s not possible to physically stay away from him, but if you can do it, go for it. Leave the house you’re sharing with him and go to your family or friends. Your loved ones will never turn you down, especially when you need their help.
If you can’t move out, try going to the bedroom when he enters the living room for example. Or when he starts talking, excuse yourself, go to the kitchen and cook. Try to keep yourself busy so he can’t play mind tricks on you.
In the end, if you can’t avoid him that much, at least focus on positive things in your mind when his typical behavior comes to the surface.
3. Collect the evidence
In order to confront him, you’ll need to collect the evidence. You know what they say in those crime TV shows, right? If you don’t have solid proof, the crime never happened. So, make sure you document everything that’s happening in your life.
Write a diary, take screenshots of his messages, or try recording him when he’s saying some things to you that you know may come into question later on. Take photos of the damage around the house (if the abuse got physical, document that as well), remembering to note the dates and times.
The laws where you live may not allow you to use this in court, but you can at least support your story and find more valid proof with the help of your lawyer and people who care about you. It’s time to stop the emotional abuse you’re going through.
4. Build your support system
This is one of the most crucial parts: Build your support system. What do I mean by this? Tell your story to some of your closest people. They will take your side for sure and help you in any way they can, whether it be financially or by offering you a safe place to stay.
It’s vital that you have someone who believes you and who’ll keep you sane. None of them will judge you for everything you’re going through. At the end of the day, they are your people and there are no ifs, ands, or buts when it comes to your safety.
Talk with your friends and family members about everything that was happening while you were in a relationship with him and present them with the evidence that you’ve collected. Rest assured that they will find a way to help you solve the issues you’ve been enduring this whole time.
5. Confront him
Lastly, you have to confront him. This is not going to be an easy task, but you’ve come this far and there’s no going back. The only way you can move from here is forward; remember that.
Be prepared that he’s going to deny it all. This will be his last attempt at gaslighting you and he may even start blaming you after everything else fails. He’ll make it seem that you’re solely responsible for the situation. Don’t expect him to tell you he’s sorry (because he’s not) or that he regrets all of it.
Get ready, because he’ll definitely try to convince you that he’ll change because he loves you unconditionally. But believe me, his love is conditional – he’ll only be with you as long as you’re playing by his rules.
That’s why this kind of behavior from your side will shake him up a bit. He’s not used to seeing you standing up to him and vocalizing your needs and wants.
Show him that it’s time for the vicious circle to stop now. Set up new boundaries and don’t let him interfere with your life anymore. Take the control back into your hands.
Make sure that your voice has been heard and raise awareness about what’s happening to you and many other women who don’t have enough strength to fight this battle. Educate others (if you have the opportunity) on what gaslighting is and prove to them that you can save yourself from it.
Help them learn that everything they need is within and all they have to do is find the courage to take the first step. Afterward, they’ll be able to move mountains, just like you!