Contrary to popular belief, intimacy issues aren’t just difficulties someone has in the bedroom.
Intimacy issues can be defined as a phobia and/or anxiety from getting close to other people.
People with intimacy issues have a hard time connecting with others and creating meaningful relationships.
You might see the goodness in your partner and you see the potential that lies behind his intimacy issues, so you want to help him work on them.
You understand that he will need time to open up to you and to get attached to you, so you’re ready to work on this together.
Is there a path that you can take to help him overcome his fear without losing your own mind in the process?
1. Be prepared for a long and bumpy ride
Intimacy issues don’t just disappear overnight. They’re something embedded deep in his personality.
He doesn’t know another way of living. Intimacy issues seem like something normal to him.
However, he has to work on them and it will take quite some time. It will be a long and bumpy ride.
There will be a huge amount of ups and downs, so if you’re not ready for that, tell him right away.
You can turn it into an even bigger problem if he actually gets attached to you and you choose to leave him.
2. Open yourself up to him
Give him a reason to trust you. He can’t open up himself if you don’t want to talk about yourself either.
You should be the one to spark up a conversation and make him feel comfortable.
Tell him about your day, tell him how you feel, and tell him about your past. Show him that he can trust you because you trust him as well.
Even if you don’t feel comfortable sharing some things with him, give him a glimpse into your heart.
However, you have to protect yourself as well.
Be aware that he won’t open up to you right away and have clear boundaries if you feel like you can’t tell him something.
You have to make sure that both of you feel safe and secure in this relationship.
A person who has a fear of intimacy doesn’t see a person in their life as a long-term partner.
You can tell him about your plans for the future, where you want to be in five or ten years from now. Talk things through with him.
He might get scared if you insist that he becomes a part of that future as well. He will run away from you before you even notice.
What you want to do is show him that in the long run, a life with you won’t be scary or limiting, but rather safe and exciting.
You want to show him that commitment isn’t something to fear but rather something to look forward to.
4. Show him your insecurities
Everyone has something to be insecure about, don’t we?
In a society that profits from our insecurities, we can’t really say that there isn’t something we wouldn’t change.
Tell him about your insecurities. This will put you in a very vulnerable position and show him that it’s not as scary as he might believe.
Show him the parts of your body that make you feel insecure, tell him embarrassing stories about yourself, and show him that vulnerability is beautiful.
If he truly wants to work on himself, there is nothing he will appreciate more.
5. Listen to what he has to say
When he does start to open up to you, listen. Don’t interrupt him when he starts to lay all of his feelings on the table.
If you do that he will close up again, because you’re not giving him the space he needs.
You don’t want him to stop talking once he starts opening up.
This will be a rare moment and even though it might seem trivial to you, it’s a huge step in your relationship.
6. Don’t get frustrated when he doesn’t want to talk
You will get frustrated, let me tell you that much. You will feel like he doesn’t trust you and you will start to question his love for you.
But don’t lash out at him. Don’t start accusing him of never opening up to you.
The man has intimacy issues and you knew what you were getting yourself into when you started going out with him.
He needs time, he needs to trust you and he needs to make sure that you’ll wait for him until he’s ready.
7. Don’t rush him into anything
He does things at his own pace, you have to respect that. However, you have to realize that you might have to wait for things in your relationship.
Things like moving in together, a proposal, marriage, or even making your relationship official will take him some time.
Are you prepared to wait for that?
Also, don’t push him into telling you things that he doesn’t feel comfortable enough to share.
You might think of him as weak for not wanting to open up to you, but actually, he’s going through great emotional turmoil.
8. Tackle the issue, don’t just ignore it
At some point, you will feel exhausted from loving a man who has intimacy issues.
However, don’t just run away from the problem and ignore it. You shouldn’t do that.
It’s a problem that will only give you more trouble the more you put it off.
You have to tackle the issue at hand, because it will come back to haunt you eventually.
Your relationship may be very open and full of excitement, but once the question of commitment comes to the fore, your heart will only be broken.
Tell him your expectations and ask him if he’s ready to work on his intimacy issues.
9. Know your own limits
To date a man who has intimacy issues without actually going crazy is quite hard, to be completely honest with you.
You will have to work a lot on yourself and your relationship. He will have to want to work on it with you.
At the end of the day, you have to take care of yourself too.
You have to be your own biggest priority and if he doesn’t want to change, you have to watch out for your own interests.
Don’t expect it to be easy, but the very moment you see that it’s taking a toll on you, walk away.
10. Don’t date him if you can’t handle it
You can’t date a man who has intimacy issues if you’re going to bail on him at the first obstacle.
It will only serve as a bigger trauma for him. He will think that he is unlovable.
You should know yourself well enough to make the decision.
If you think that this will make you lose your mind, don’t even engage in this type of relationship.
Respect yourself and him enough to stay away, as it might be better for both of you.