We’ve all been through this. There’s someone you really like and you enjoy spending time with them. It seems that they feel the same way about you. But then that special someone says he doesn’t see you as “the one”.
It’s one of the most heartbreaking moments ever. But you need to know that you’re not alone and that there are some very helpful tips out there. And luckily for you, I want to share them; because you deserve to know how to get back up on your feet after something like this.
So here are the 9 best ways to help you speed up the recovery process.
1) Give yourself some time
The first thing that you need to do is to give yourself some time. Don’t force yourself to fake a smile. Instead, allow yourself to express your feeling however you want to. If you need to cry, then cry. If you wish to scream into your pillow, do it. Or maybe you want to run and sing to your favorite songs.
Don’t think that you’re obliged to feel fine the very next day. It’s okay not to be okay when something like this happens. However, you need to make sure that you don’t do anything destructive. Keep in mind that rule, and the rest will be okay.
You’ll heal, but first, you’ll probably need a few days to process your feelings. Don’t be afraid; that heartbroken feeling won’t last forever!
2) Talk to your loved ones
I know it’s sometimes really hard to talk about the things that hurt you. And hearing a guy you like telling you that he doesn’t see you as “the one” is definitely one of them. Sometimes we are even embarrassed to say anything about it, or we are afraid that people won’t understand why we feel the way we do.
But the people you love, love you back. And they only want what’s best for you. You should never be afraid to talk to them because your true friends and your family will always be there for you to try and help you. Sometimes we really need someone else to hold our hand when the times are tough.
3) Keep yourself busy
When something hurtful happens to us, we tend to think about it much more than we would actually like to. However, there’s a little trick that works very well every time. If you want to stop thinking about the recent events even for a little bit, you should find an activity that can keep you busy.
It can be going to the gym, reading a book, watching movies (that don’t involve anything about heartbreaks), cooking, going out with friends, or anything else that usually makes you happy.
4) List your positive traits
Realizing that a person you like doesn’t see you as “the one” is an awful feeling. And it can bring insecurities. You might think that you’re boring, or not pretty enough, smart, bubbly, or you don’t dress the way other men would like you to.
But that’s not true. He’s just the wrong guy and you’ll find the right one soon. But before you do that, you need to heal and remind yourself that you’re worth it.
So make a list of your positive traits. Something you like about yourself and something other people keep complimenting you about. Then every time you feel insecure, take a look at that list, and I guarantee you you’ll feel better right away.
5) Keep a journal
Sometimes it’s really difficult to talk about all of our feelings and the things we have in mind. So if you don’t want to share every tiny detail with your friends and family, you should keep a journal. Take a notebook that you love, decorate it the way you want, and start writing.
Write about anything you want. Use it as your safe place. Something that will keep your secrets, your wishes, fears, and deepest regrets. It will help you make peace with yourself. And you’ll heal much quicker than you would if you kept all those thoughts to yourself.
6) Set some goals
I already told you to keep yourself busy, but I have something even better for you. If you set some future goals for yourself, that will give you a chance to stay busy for a longer period of time. That’s how you would get a chance to focus yourself on something productive, instead of destructive.
It can be as simple as “I want to read 10 books by the end of this year.” But it can also be something bigger like “I will try to save money for my trip to Venice. I will make sure to adopt a dog this year. Or I want to find a new job.“
That way you’ll stop worrying whether he sees you as “the one” or not because you’ll have something else to think about and to look forward to.
7) Try to make your negative thoughts more realistic
If you want to heal quicker, then try to become more conscious of your thoughts. You’ll probably spend some time blaming yourself for the things that happen. But when you catch yourself doing that, try to make your negative thoughts more realistic.
For example, if you’re feeling bad because you’re sure you’ll never find a boyfriend. Just tell yourself that the person you like now isn’t the right guy for you. And your soulmate is somewhere around the corner patiently waiting to meet you.
Or if you’re thinking something like “I was so stupid because I told him how I feel” remember the thing I’ll tell you now. You’re not stupid for doing that. You’re one of the bravest people out there because talking about feelings is very scary. And you managed to do it!
8) Decide whether you want them around or not
One thing that will definitely help you heal after someone tells you he doesn’t see you as “the one” is to make one important decision. Do you want to stay friends with them, or do you wish to distance yourself? Make sure to choose the option that will keep you most happy.
If you think that you can handle going out with them, even though you know there’s nothing romantic in your relationship, then stay friends. But if you think it will make it more difficult for you, apologize and stop hanging out with that person.
My final advice for you
I know you’re probably thinking something like “It’s easier said than done“, but trust me, you have enough strength to get over him. You don’t have to follow all these pieces of advice at the same time. You can gradually include them in your life.
At first, you’ll find it difficult to understand why he said he doesn’t see you as “the one”. But eventually, you’ll realize that all the things that happened only mean he isn’t the right guy for you either. Because your soulmate would never fail to recognize you and your worth.
Try to look at this as something positive. Because at the end of the day, it’s better to stay single and wait for the right guy to come, than to waste your time on the wrong relationships. And always remember, the best is yet to come!