Arguments are a normal part of every relationship but sometimes you just need someone to tell you how to apologize to your boyfriend the right way.
No matter how long you’ve been together, saying, “I’m sorry,” never comes easy. All the way through your relationship, you’ll get to points where you know that you messed up.
You instantly felt sick to your stomach when you saw that your words or actions hurt your boyfriend. Now, you regret what you did and wish to apologize but it feels like something is stopping you.
Some kind of weird force inside of you doesn’t let you tell him that you’re sorry. Then you see him suffering and you know that you have to do something about it if you don’t want to lose him.
When you feel angry at yourself for not being able to say those simple words, “I’m sorry,” you should know that you aren’t the only one.
Many people face the same issue and it usually happens because of our pride or because we’re ashamed.
First of all, apologizing to someone means that it was you who made a mistake. And it can be hard to go against yourself and admit that you did something wrong.
Secondly, when you have to apologize to someone, it means that you did something hurtful to a person you care about. This makes you feel ashamed of your actions.
How could you hurt the person you love? It’s mean and makes no sense.
So, the next time you feel bad about yourself for not knowing how to apologize to your boyfriend, know that you aren’t alone. Every person in the world has felt like that at one point in their life.
But also know that apologizing honestly and successfully to someone is something you can learn. You just need to know how.
How to apologize to your boyfriend?
There are several ground rules you have to follow if you want to know how to apologize to your boyfriend the right way.
All of them are fairly simple and can be easily practiced.
The most important part of apologizing is to know why you’re doing it.
You need to be aware that the simple act of apologizing to someone isn’t something you only do for the other person.
You don’t do it just to make your boyfriend feel better or to have a clear conscience.
Instead, you’re supposed to do it only because you truly believe that you did something wrong and because you want to be honest with yourself.
Once you understand the right motive behind giving an apology, it’ll be easier for you to say that you’re sorry and truly mean it.
Now, let’s see how to apologize to your boyfriend the right way, without holding grudges in the future.
1. Understand where he’s coming from
When you want to know how to apologize to your boyfriend, the first thing you need to do is put yourself in his shoes.
Sometimes, it’s hard to understand why your partner got upset until you realize where he’s coming from.
None of us are the same, which means that we usually see things differently.
Something could seem perfectly reasonable to you, while your boyfriend might get upset by it.
It all varies from person to person.
That’s why you first need to understand why your boyfriend got upset in the first place so you can give him an honest apology.
Let’s say that you had a day off and you spent it alone, at home, while your boyfriend had to go to work.
The whole day, you waited for him to get back because you felt lonely.
But when he finally got home, he was tired from doing an eight-hour shift, and he needed some rest.
At that point, you got mad at him because you wanted his attention while he clearly wasn’t in the mood.
Instead of trying to understand that he must have been tired and that he needed some time to relax, you yelled at him and told him that he clearly didn’t love you.
However, if you think about it for a second, you’ll realize that while you were lying around the house doing nothing, he was the one who had a stressful day at work.
All he asked for was time to regain his energy.
When you look at things from his point of view, you’ll realize that you made a mistake and that you shouldn’t have reacted the way you did.
2. Admit your mistake to yourself
Now that you see that you made a mistake, you have to be real with yourself and admit that you could’ve acted differently.
That’s the first step to giving him a sincere apology.
If you tell him, “I’m sorry,” just to make him feel better, you’ll still feel bad on the inside.
You’ll know that your apology was insincere and it’ll eat you alive.
But once you have a chat with yourself and admit that you did the wrong thing and that you need to accept your mistake, your apology will be honest and meaningful.
That’s the only right way to apologize to your boyfriend.
You need to be aware that your mistake hurt someone and that’s why you should make an apology.
3. Let go of your pride
When we make a mistake, we have a hard time admitting it because it hurts our pride.
The fact that you did something wrong makes you feel sick, and you feel like you’re going against yourself when you admit that.
That’s why you have no idea how to apologize to your boyfriend the right way. But don’t worry, as this can be learned, as I mentioned above.
After you realize that you made a mistake and know that you should make an apology, the next step is to say those three words: “I am sorry.”
But before that, all of our apologies usually start with letting go of our pride. To successfully do that, you need to put things in perspective.
Do you value your relationship? Is it more important to you than the feeling that you’re always right?
Would you let go of your pride if you know that it could actually improve your relationship?
If you care about your boyfriend and want to show him that you made a mistake, you’ll be willing to set aside your pride and apologize to him.
It’s more important to have a healthy relationship with your partner than to feel that you’re the one who’s always right.
Once you understand this, you’ll be able to make an honest apology to your partner.
4. Be sincere and apologize to your boyfriend because you truly want to
When you want to know how to apologize to your boyfriend the right way, you also need to know that your apology should come from the heart.
Don’t tell him, “I’m sorry,” just because you know that it’ll make him feel better.
Don’t make an apology just because you want to get this topic closed and over with.
Sooner or later, it’ll backfire on you, and, once more, you’ll feel the consequences of your deeds.
You’ll be in the middle of an argument and you’ll feel rage overtaking you.
Just like that, you’ll tell him that you never even meant those words when you apologized and that you just wanted to make him stop rambling on about it.
And trust me, this will make the matter ten times worse. To save yourself from this temptation, your apology should be honest and sincere.
You don’t want to pretend it is because somewhere down the line, he’ll realize what you did.
And that will make him even more upset than he was before.
5. Let him know that you’re sorry
Now, you’ve come to the part where you actually need to say those three words. And this is where you don’t want to mess up.
Even though you believe that you can’t make a mistake with an apology, trust me, it could go wrong, big time.
First of all, you should never start an apology with ‘you’ statements.
Don’t tell him, “You seem hurt,” but instead use something such as, “I know that I hurt you.”
This shows him that he’s not part of the problem and that you understand how you made him feel.
It shows him that you’re the one responsible for the argument and that you’re about to fix things.
It’s important to use specific words that reflect your honest intentions.
“I realize I made a mistake.”
“I understand why you’re upset.”
“I’m sorry that I misunderstood you.”
This way, you’re letting him know that you know what part actually hurt him and that you genuinely feel sorry for it.
It also shows him that you understand that you shouldn’t make the same mistake in the future.
That’s how you apologize to your boyfriend the right way, without shifting the blame onto him.
6. Be careful of the way you apologize
When you want to know how to apologize to your boyfriend the right way, you need to pay attention to the way you say those three words, “I’m sorry.“
In the same way that it’s important to say the right words, it’s also important to know how to say them the right way.
Here’s what I mean by that.
Sometimes, even though you know that you made a mistake, the words, “I’m sorry,” can come off as sarcastic.
Your body language can turn into a defensive position which can make you come off as false.
When this happens, your boyfriend will ignore your apology and he’ll keep on being upset because he believes that you’re playing with him.
He’ll think that you’re saying the words just so you can end the argument, and that’s definitely not something that he wants.
So, besides words, you also need to pay attention to other things, such as your tone of voice, your body language, and eye contact.
All of these things matter and contribute to the honest apology.
When you use a gentle tone of voice instead of an aggressive one, you let your boyfriend know that you’re aware of your mistake and that you know that he didn’t do anything wrong.
Instead of rolling your eyes, make sure to keep eye contact.
This way, you show him that you’re not being sarcastic and that you truly mean what you say.
Finally, let your body language do the talking.
Don’t cross your arms because this makes you seem defensive and sets the tone that you’re still mad and that your words aren’t honest.
Instead, try to be as relaxed as you can, as this will show your partner that you have no intention of blaming him for any part of the issue.
This then makes him more relaxed and gives him the bigger picture – his girlfriend’s apology is honest and sincere.
7. Don’t explain yourself
It easily happens that when you’re trying to make an apology, you actually start defending yourself.
This is because you feel attacked, and you want to find an excuse for your actions.
When you want to defend yourself, you actually start explaining yourself, giving him the reason why you did something in the first place.
This makes your boyfriend feel like, to you, it sounded like a good idea to do something that could hurt him.
And that’s not what a sincere apology should sound like.
When you’re trying to apologize for your actions but give your boyfriend explanations such as, “I acted that way because I missed you,” or, “You didn’t understand that I was lonely because I spent the whole day in the house,” you’re actually making excuses for your behavior.
You’re showing him that you believe that you aren’t in the wrong.
That’s why you should stop explaining yourself when you’re trying to apologize to your boyfriend.
Your explanations come off as excuses and it can all turn into a bigger argument than it was.
And since you’re likely Googling how to apologize to your boyfriend, I assume that you don’t want to start another argument.
8. Acknowledge the things you could’ve done differently
The key to a successful apology isn’t only in those two words that you say.
It’s also in acknowledging where you went wrong and what you could do next time if you find yourself in the same situation.
That’s the right way to apologize to your boyfriend.
So, once you let him know that you’re sorry, you also need to let him know that you know you could’ve done things differently.
This means that you’re supposed to show him where you went wrong and what you could’ve done instead.
So, for example, instead of yelling at him for not giving you attention, next time, you could ask him to let you know how he’s feeling.
If he tells you that he’s tired, you’ll know to let him be and give him enough time and space to relax.
This means that you won’t push him and create an argument because of it.
If he sees that you’re trying really hard, he might even step in next time and tell you right away how he feels so you can understand where he’s coming from.
This way, you lessen the possibility of going through the same issue somewhere in the future.
9. Reassure him that you won’t do it again
Letting your partner know that you won’t do the same thing again is also an important part of apologizing.
Of course, none of us are perfect and sometimes we make the same mistakes, but the bare idea that you’ll give your best and try to avoid every similar argument has more value than you think.
This way, you make your boyfriend see that you’re really trying.
You saw that you made a mistake, you gave him an apology, and you’re caring enough to know that you should avoid every future argument that could be based on the same issue.
This is all because you love him and you know that your actions hurt him.
This shows him that you truly regret your deeds and that you want to do everything it takes to make your apology as sincere as possible.
And that’s the only right way to apologize to your boyfriend and truly mean it.
10. Ask him whether he accepts your apology
When you apologize to your boyfriend, you want to know whether he accepts it.
You want to be sure that you did the right thing and improved your relationship.
Sometimes, it’ll be easy to tell.
His facial expression will soften and his body language will turn from angry into relaxed so you’ll be able to know that he accepted your words and that he knows that you truly mean them.
But other times, you won’t immediately notice this reaction, especially if the topic is a bit more complicated than simply getting mad at him for not giving you attention the moment you asked for it.
This means that you’ll have no idea what’s going on in his mind and you’ll want to find out and that’s why it’s okay to ask whether he accepts your apology.
It’s okay to know where you stand, as you made an effort to fix your mistake. So, ask him the question and let him express how he feels.
Let him tell you whether there are any other underlying issues that he’s still upset about.
This all shows him that you’re still learning how to apologize to your boyfriend.
And even though you made a mistake, you showed the will to fix the damage that you caused.
And that’s what counts.
11. Give him time to process your apology
Sometimes, your boyfriend might need more time to accept your apology. This is especially if we’re talking about a complicated matter.
Let’s say that he caught you chatting to another guy.
Maybe it wasn’t anything special but he’s upset because you never mentioned anything about him.
To him, it seems like you’re hiding something from him and that’s what made him upset.
In this case, even when you admit that you made a mistake and that you should have let him know about this friend, there’s a good chance that your boyfriend needs more time to process all of the emotions that are raging through him.
At this point, you should know that this is perfectly fine.
Sometimes your partner will need more time to forgive, and you shouldn’t be upset because of that.
Not all of us deal with our emotions the same way.
Sometimes, we need more time to process something than others around us and there’s nothing wrong with that.
Instead of pushing him to accept your apology, you should let him process the situation at his own pace.
Maybe it’s different from yours, but it doesn’t mean that it’s unacceptable.
Don’t pressure your partner to forgive you if it’s clear that he’s still not ready to take that step.
Instead, let him take his time because it’s the only right way to deal with a situation like this.
Pushing him to say something he’s not ready for can only hurt him more. And that’s not what you want.
12. Re-establish your bond by making amends
Once your boyfriend accepts your words and forgives you for your mistake, you should make amends with him.
This means that you’re supposed to re-establish your bond that was shaken up during the argument.
One of the best ways to do that is through physical touch.
This gives you a feeling of safety and shows that things are back the way they were before the fight.
Hug your boyfriend and let him feel that your apology was honest. Hold his hand and let him feel the connection you two have.
It’ll show him that you still really care about him and that you won’t let any obstacles come in-between you.
Re-establishing physical touch between you and your partner is a great way to express intimacy.
It makes you realize that the two of you can overcome anything that gets in your way, as long as you’re standing next to each other.