How do cheaters react when accused of cheating?
I know that this is one of the FAQs you ask after you’ve had an experience with a cheating partner but really, what is the answer to this question?
Do they ignore the accuser, do they treat it like a false accusation, or do they feel guilty for their actions?
Unfortunately, we are witness to an increasing number of people who decide to commit the act of cheating.
Emotional cheating turns into physical cheating, and a happy marriage or a happy relationship ends in a breakup.
You see the red flags and all of the classic signs of cheating.
Your gut feeling tells you that you need to confront the cheater so you do what you feel is the right thing to do.
But what happens next? How do cheaters react when accused?
I’m not a relationship expert, but I for sure have had experience with cheaters.
I know how a cheater’s mind works and how they act in order to try to cover up the cheating game they have been playing.
How do cheaters react when accused?
Firstly, a cheater will deny everything the accuser says. He will try to make you feel bad for accusing him of any kind of affair.
He will even deny having an emotional affair and he will probably tell you that it’s all in your head.
Cheating partners will always cover up their actions, no matter how many warning signs they throw at you.
It is their way of keeping their composure and trying to work things out to their advantage.
Secondly, cheaters start to use gaslighting.
Their main goal is to assure the accuser that the problem is them, and they do this to the point where they will make the accuser question their own thoughts.
They won’t feel guilty themselves but they will make YOU feel that way.
They will use your accusation and make you feel like you are the reason for the problem.
For example, if you show your cheating partner that you have found text messages between him and his co-worker, he will turn it around on you.
He will make you feel guilty for going through his phone, for not trusting him, or for accusing him of something he would never do.
“We are just friends, you can clearly see it. For goodness’ sake, I am a married man and I would never cheat on you in the first place.”
Don’t be surprised when a cheater acts like this. It’s just a desperate attempt to cover up his affair for as long as possible.
The same way your gut feeling is telling you that something is off, his is telling him that he needs to hide what he’s doing.
Thirdly, a cheater will try to show himself as a victim.
The first time you accuse him of cheating, he will try to convince you that you are the reason for his bad deeds.
He may tell you that your happy relationship turned into a habit of living together like roommates, and he just had to find something outside of it.
But still, he will try to assure you that there was nothing physical.
It was ONLY an emotional affair because he sought the support that you weren’t giving him.
He may even try to convince you that all people cheat nowadays and that he just couldn’t run away from it because it is normal.
These are desperate ways he will use to try and save your relationship.
At one point, a cheater will admit his actions.
He will come clean to his significant other and he will probably say that it only happened once.
After that comes the famous saying that has become a cliché in a world of cheaters…
“It won’t happen again.”
But we all know that people don’t change, and cheaters even less so.
The only thing that can happen is that he will become a serial cheater, someone who can’t stop cheating.
Another famous saying that cheaters love to use is, “It meant nothing. You know I love you blah blah blah…”
This one usually continues with him providing an excuse like, “I was drunk,” or, “She kissed me first,” or something similar.
A cheating partner always finds a way to make the act of cheating look like it wasn’t intentional. It’s like he had no role in committing the deed.
Everything happened because of someone or something else. He has nothing to feel guilty about, right?
Sometimes, being accused of cheating provides a sense of relief.
A cheater may wait patiently for his significant other to notice all of the red flags and to finally break up with him.
It suggests that he was too weak to break things off so he decided to behave like a coward.
Cheating served as just an escape from the relationship he wasn’t happy in but he didn’t know how to tell you.
No matter how or why it happened, when a cheater gets accused, in the beginning, they will try to make the affair seem as insignificant as possible.
You as the accuser will get the vibe from him that what happened between your cheating partner and some other woman was completely unimportant.
He won’t present it as an emotional affair because it was just flirting. That is harmless, right?
Or maybe they just exchanged a couple of text messages that didn’t mean anything.
A cheater could even go so far as to tell you that he has nothing to feel guilty about because he never got physical with the other woman.
This usually happens because people see cheating differently and have different boundaries about it.
Finally, and least likely, is that when cheaters are accused, they will genuinely apologize and show regret.
He won’t try to cover up what he did, he won’t gaslight you or make you feel like all of the red flags are just harmless forms of behavior that you’ve been overthinking.
Instead, he will admit fault and give you a sincere apology.
Then, it’s up to you to accept it and give him a second chance or to break up with your cheating partner.
You can clearly see that the question ‘How do cheaters react when accused?‘ doesn’t have one straightforward answer.
Instead, it can be seen as a series of complicated behaviors.
You can never be a hundred percent sure what a cheater is going to do after he has been accused, but you can certainly expect that he will behave in one of the manners listed above.
There may be slight changes but the point remains the same.
Deny, deny, deny. Blame it on others and if you really have to, then admit your mistake.
Still, the chances are that he will continue to engage in the game of cheating as people like this rarely know how to change their behavior.
It turns into a habit which makes a one-time-cheater a serial cheater.