How to date someone who’s had many partners? How many are tolerable? Is this number somehow proportional to the age of the person you’re dating? Almost all of these require your personalized answer because what I find acceptable may not be something you can tolerate.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently. There’s always some stigma surrounding the whole concept of having exes and experiencing different things with them. So, what do you think about this topic? Does THE number really matter?
Is it true that if he had multiple partners, he has more experience? Probably, but it’s up to you if you’ll accept it or not. If you ask me, I’d tell you to give him a chance because he ultimately chose you.
It’s not going to be easy, especially in the beginning, but with time you may get used to it. Be open about it with your boyfriend and ask whatever you’re curious about. It’s completely normal that you want to know certain things.
However, don’t go too far because sometimes ignorance is bliss. If you know too many details, you may start comparing yourself with all the girls he dated before and that’s not good. Each one of you is unique in your own way and it’s kind of impossible to make that comparison.
So, how to date someone who’s had many partners? Here are some tips that may help you, but if you don’t feel comfortable being in a relationship with someone who’s been pretty active in the past, don’t push yourself. Don’t rock the boat and move on.
1. Accept his past
Easier said than done, right? But look at it this way, it already happened. There’s nothing you can do about it now and there’s no way in hell to change it. Things turned out to be this way and even if you don’t want to accept it, deep down you know that there’s no magic eraser that could fix this.
So, why would you hold him accountable for something he did a long time ago when you weren’t in the picture at all? All of the things that happened previously and all those failed relationships made him who he is now. He became the person you fell in love with thanks to his experience.
It’s up to you to accept his past or simply move on. Because, if you can’t respect your partner for who he is now, honestly, you’ve got nothing to do there.
2. Trust him
Everything that had happened is long gone now. If your boyfriend had multiple partners in his past, that doesn’t automatically mean that he’s going to cheat on you. Most of those people are more loyal than those who had no one before.
They’ve experienced a lot and they now know what they want in a relationship and which partner suits them the best. So, trust your lover, he’s there because of you and he’s not leaving any time soon. Unless you push him away with your judgmental behavior.
Acknowledge that he’s telling you everything you need to know. This means that he trusts you and wants to share his life with you. Otherwise, he’d ignore your needs and he wouldn’t talk openly about his past with you. He’s saying all of it because he sees his future with you and wants to open up completely.
3. Be confident
He has chosen you. There are no ifs, and/or buts, it’s you he wants. Accept that and shine with confidence. You know how people say, there’s nothing more attractive than a confident woman? Show him he made the right choice.
Stand tall next to him and hold his hand when you’re strolling around the city. Don’t look away and proudly call him your boyfriend. Be confident in who you are. And, be sure in your relationship. Believe that things will work out the best way possible and enjoy every second spent with him.
Know your worth and don’t compare yourself with his past lovers. Be someone you’d like to encounter if the story was the opposite. Don’t judge him for his past, but accept him with everything that comes in a package. Love him entirely and make him feel loved unconditionally.
4. Own jealousy and be open about it
Whoever says that you’ve got no right to be jealous, hit them with something. Just kidding, don’t. But don’t criticize yourself. Okay, this is your problem, but don’t let jealousy get the best of you. Deal with retroactive jealousy, own it, and be open about it with your partner.
It’s normal that you’re concerned and that you sometimes compare yourself with everyone he has been with. Trust me, there is something extremely attractive for men when you tell them that you’re a bit envious. This will make him feel desired and in some weird way, he’ll appreciate it.
In a way, when you confess you’re a bit jealous, you’re showing him how much you care about him and you’re proving your love. Just please, keep it within the boundaries of normal. Don’t do anything that will push him away. And don’t go after those women, they’re not worth it.
5. What competition?
Let’s be real, it’s his job to make you feel special. Don’t compare yourself with his past lovers and don’t live up to some imaginary expectations. It’s not on you to make him feel desired, or to chase him. Play the game right and seduce him every single day.
You’re his prize and he has to treat you that way. Having multiple partners doesn’t mean that he has the right to treat you badly, or to compare you to his previous lovers. So, keep it in mind – you have no competition and he has to make you feel that way.
If he doesn’t and if you constantly feel insecure about being in a relationship with him, this is simply not your place to be. No matter how good a person he is, if he’s not showing you his love, you’ve got smarter things to do, honey.
In the end…
Let him be himself, completely and accept him the way he is. Embrace all of his flaws and hold them close. Show him that you love him unconditionally, even those parts he’s not so proud of. Make sure he knows that you keep choosing him every morning.
I know that there’ll always be some questions, but address them. Don’t assume things and be direct with your partner. The conversation is the key in every relationship – including this one! You have to be ready to clearly state what bothers you and what are your preferences.
Oh, and look at it from a brighter side – more partners means more experience, but it surely doesn’t mean that he’s a womanizer. It also means that your new boyfriend is someone who’ll quickly recognize and fulfill your needs and wants. Stop judging and have fun!